Well, DJ Coles is out for the season. The Giraffe was... the Giraffe, and earned no hip-hop honors on Monday night. And, last but not least, we ALMOST lost our season opener. Did I miss anything? Oh yeah. Tailgating for 8 hours is bad. BAD. BAD. BAD.
Evil genius Jim Weaver knew that if he gave us a ridiculously long tailgate to start the season, we would most definitely hate a certain form of alcohol for the rest of the season and then just sip on iced teas and lemonades for the remainder of our noon kick-offs. Blasted Weaver. Blasted John Dalys. You know what, Weaver? I'm drinking one right NOW! Didn't expect that, did ya?
AND, as for your hideous orange effect... YES, I did spend a good hour or two shopping downtown for an orange shirt. AND yes, I bought one. BUT, it came with a second FREE orange shirt, so TAKE THAT, Weaver! And, OH BY THE WAY, I bought 4 other shirts while I was at it. And none of THOSE were orange. So, shove it, Weaves! Your plan didn't work. Next year I'll have TWO orange shirts to choose from... so who won this round, eh? Uh huh... that's what I thought.
Tailgating is fun in moderation, kids. 8 full hours is not recommended. The B.S.C. urges you to drink responsibly, especially when we might lose, because losing and drinking don't mix well. Almost losing and drinking don't mix well, either.
I haven't had that much alcohol since college... not my finest moment. So it goes.
JACK TYLER was the ACC Linebacker of the week, and Cody Journell was the ACC Specialist of the week.
That's it. Those are our game highlights.
Just kidding... almost. You know who I liked? Coleman. Reminds me of poor David Wilson, but without the crying. Sorry, David. Holmes looked decent, and so did Marcus Davis. On D, G-Dub was awesome, along with JACK TYLER. The "spread" option wasn't so spread out on Monday night, now was it? Now if only we could score some points...
Looking on to tomorrow, we are playing our first game against Tha Guv'nahs [insert British accent here]. This game is so right up Weaver's alley that it is only broadcast online. Whoop-dee-do. I love not being able to figure out what's going on. It's like the original version of Madden.
There's talk out there that we could score 70 points. I doubt it. We are a little banged up from the Gahs. I feel bad for Tha Guv'nahs. Their logo is awful. It's what AP tests would use if they were trying to be cool. And, to fit in with the British theme, they give red coats to their Hall of Fame - called The Red Coat Society.
I can't make fun of a school like this. So instead, I'll revisit a favorite from last week:
I love him. I truly do.
So that's it, kids. I'm out of energy this week. Short week, too much work, too little recovery time. And, I don't want to waste anything too witty on some British kids - they wouldn't get it anyway. I'm sure my next post will just be awesome after watching Madden 1988 for three hours. Thanks, Weaves!
Two-a-weeks shall resume this upcoming week. Scout's honor. But hey, I'm not just throwing away the game tomorrow. It is important for The Giraffe to get some swagger back. I think Stiney beat it out of him in the off-season. If he can get it back, the season isn't a complete loss. If we don't score close to 70... then I may sell my FedEx tickets.
I hate FedEx. The stadium, that is. Good job, mail carriers.
Love 47 Brand, my new t-shirts of choice,
The B.S.C.
P.S. MAYBE, just maybe, the Madden game tomorrow is due to our embarrassment with the White Effect helmets. Magnets do not make good helmets. And why is reading so discriminatory? What's up with that, Herma? Can't everyone learn to read? Geez. I will be wearing maroon, from home. Take that, Weaves!
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