Sarah McLachlan and the Fighting Red Panda Chick-fil-A's

I come into this week with mixed emotions.  Somehow, the Fighting Red Panda Chick-fil-A's are 2-0 this season, having already experienced two BYE weeks.  They've beaten Delaware State, which, to be honest with you, I often forget to consider as a state, and... wait for it... Pitt.  Yup.  Not "YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP".  Yup, as in, "Oh my gosh they beat the Couch-burners Jr. and we were horrible in that game and oh my gosh I'm going all the way to crappy FedEx to watch and oh my gosh, the last time we were there we followed up with a loss to JMU and OH MY GOSH!"

Dear Reader Jennifer, 

I do not enjoy when you call me to tell me to watch a Thursday night game where one future opponent is beating another future opponent, especially when the one future opponent is killing the other future opponent.  And, I especially do not enjoy watching us lose to the future opponent who got murdered.  And now, as I go all the way to Landover tomorrow, all I can think of is your phone call and how we are facing the murderers.  THE MURDERERS!  

Thanks for ruining my tailgate,

The B.S.C.

The Fighting Red Panda Chick-fil-A's are in our old stomping ground - the Big East.  They SEEM to have a decent offense, but to be fair, they have played both games at home at Nippert Stadium.  Like so many opponents' stadiums, their stadium name is so sad that I kinda want to laugh.  [Insert common NIP joke here.]

What exactly is a Fighting Red Panda Chick-fil-A?  A "bearcat"... a mythical beast that doesn't actually exist.  Most believe it to be a Red Panda.  Awww.  It's so cute!  

And for some reason, it's paw print closely resembles the logo of a very tasty chicken biscuit breakfast chain.  So it goes.

If we can't beat a panda, I don't know what to say on Monday.  Giraffes are way cooler than pandas.  Heck, turkeys are more bad-ass than pandas.  A panda is a cuddly little teddy bear.  How can we lose to a little cuddly stuffed animal?

I'll tell you how, Law & Order style:  

Exhibit 1: Weaves

How in the world do you give us 6 days notice for a 3:30 kick-off?  Blasted worldwide loser in sports!  I know you have something to do with this, Weaves!  You bring a game to my neck of the woods and you deprive me of the glory of a night game.  We should all be pissed about this.  I plan on saying, "Blasted 3:30 kick-off" as many times as possible tomorrow.  Join with me as you tailgate.  In fact, make a drinking game out of it.  Every time someone says it, everyone has to drink.

Exhibit 2: Stiney

So yes, the Giraffe wanted to win last week.  We looked OK, BUT, we weren't playing stuffed animals last week.  Our horrendous play calling, which, somehow seems to pretty much span the past decade, will have to somehow find its way out of its butt in order to win this one.  On the plus side, Tony Gregory will not be playing.  I prefer Coleman, so I like this.  It's just temporary.  Unfortunately, we lose that great pitch play from last week by not playing him.  Holmes and Coleman will have to step up.

Exhibit 3: Bud

Our D last week was average.  We need better than average tomorrow.  You know we stink when it comes to playing in big games, and this year, our D seems to be slightly bi-polar.  Will the happy-go-lucky D who listens to Taylor Swift show up?  Or, will it be the end-of-the-world D who listens to sad, sad Sarah McLachlan songs?

I think I'm just bi-polar about this one, too.  Part of me thinks that we can shove it to the worldwide loser in sports and Weaves by blowing out this pansy Big East stuffed animal.  And then, probably the bigger part of me, (the Sarah McLachlan part) thinks that this will be Boise State mixed with JMU, with a big Couch-burner Jr. cherry on top.

At least there should be 3-4 solid hours of drinking prior to the scariness.

So, that's all I have to say.  Drink up, my friends.  I'll be there.  Will you?  I won't be wearing orange.  Will you?  

Love WKRP, 

The B.S.C.