I know that you were surprised when you saw that I had written. It's been a while.
It wasn't you, it was me.
I couldn't take it anymore. On again, off again... it was an emotional roller coaster. And all the different people! Some I can't even name.
I felt like you were picking up random people off the street - just because you liked how tall they were, or what college they came from. It was disgusting.
I know that you've really tried to change over the past year - and now you're with that guy from Memphis. I'm still trying to wrap my head around that. Couldn't you just be alone?
I forgive you now, that's all that you need to know.
I watched you last weekend, one eye open, and was a little frightened at first. By the end, though, I was OK. That's when I decided to write.
Don't get too excited... let's just see where this goes.
Love always,
The B.S.C.
P.S. Give 'em hell, Bud. Give 'em hell.
Why, heeeellllllllllooooooooooo... fancy seeing you here!
I have to say that I'm a little conflicted. We got to say good-bye to Beamer, but our boy didn't get the nod. Now we have some dude that actually played arena football. I haven't decided if that is badass or pathetic.
What if Bud is our only man? What if it's you, Bud? What if it's you?
Let me pull myself together.
I'm sorry to say that I'm not at Bristol. I'll be riding this one out on my couch with my own liquor and my trusty notebook. I may possibly weep. Who knows?
The game against the confused eagle-flames was a little scary last week. The e-f's had a plan to take God's Gift out of the game, and it basically worked. Ford stepped up, though, so at least we got to see what he could do. I'm glad to see Evans at QB - so we'll see how tonight goes.
Bristol is going to be crazy. Tennessee barely beat App State last week in overtime, but they are still ranked 17th in the nation. [Insert anxiety.]
I know we don't have Beamer, but you KNOW how we do against ranked opponents. YOU KNOW!
I can't say much negative stuff about Tennessee. They like orange, I like orange. They like volunteers, I like volunteers. I'm sure I'll find something to hate by next week, so don't worry.
I don't know if I can say I'm excited. I am hesitantly optimistic for this season. I'm glad we aren't ranked, but I also have no idea what to expect.
I hope you are out there representing tonight. I've been to Bristol for a race and it's an awesome venue. Break out your keys, paint your face, and lose your voice. And wear maroon, for God's sake.
We need you.
Let's go.
I'm off to turn on the WWLS to remind myself of how much I hate them... and Herbie. I really hate Herbie. I hate you, GameDay.
Peace and NASCAR grease.
Love,
The B.S.C.
P.S. I must admit that for once, I do kinda like the helmets for this game. If they are matte, though, all bets are off. Our season will be cursed.
Well, I have to say that I was a little scared when I forced myself to watch our match-up against the Option*Option*Option.
We were pretty much sucking big-time in the first quarter. They scored 14 unanswered points, then we scored 14 unanswered points... and then, somehow we figured out how to win one for Frank.
It was impressive.
Now, I'm scared again. The Baby Lambies. Mmmm... lamb.
Let's be honest. This is the only time seeing lamb should make you happy.
The Baby Lambies = Unhappy
You can't miss this game, though, no matter how you feel. It's Frank's last home game. Despite our best efforts, the WWLS' GameDay threw us shade and won't be there. They posted this stupid video instead:
Oh no, wait... I just found that video and it's hilarious. Sorry, their video is in this link because I can't figure out how to isolate it. Thanks, Al Gore.
The Baby Lambies are good, like... old-us good. They lost their first game to SC, but then have gone on to win 9 in a row. One of those wins were over a ranked Pitt team... so yeah, they are pretty good this season.
Just hold your breath. The. Entire. Game.
We can do it for Frank!
Or,
We can try REALLY hard for Frank!
I can't imagine going to Lane without Frank. I will save my thoughts for our last game, but I've just gotta say that the fact that this is his last home game is really surreal. I can't imagine how he feels. I can't imagine how Bud feels.
All I can think is that...
I really hope the new coach gets rid of Stiney.
And I hope that new coach is Bud.
But not in that order.
Give 'em Hell for Frank, Bud! We are going to need it.
Jump like you've never jumped before. Paint your face. Paint your body. Tailgate like you mean it. Lose your voice. Shatter your car keys. Find Hokie-colored Mardi Gras beads.
Greetings, Hokie Land. It's been a while. I'm alive. I honestly haven't really watched a game in... oh, I don't know, a month? And no, I don't feel bad about it.
A couple weeks ago, I was riding in my parents' car to my oldest son's baseball game, and my dad and I had a long discussion about the fate of our football program and Beamer's exit. We basically decided that we were going to end up with BeamerPa sitting up in the booth because he'd be too old to stand on the sidelines.
Half a week later...
BAM!
SHOCKER!
Beamer surprised the crap out of us (and I'm guessing a lot of you) by actually announcing that this season will be his last. He surprised me so much that I convinced my little fingers to log in to the blog and think about Hokie Football. [Shudder.]
First off, thank God that he isn't going to become BeamerPa. I was literally on the verge of never watching a game again, but now I'll finish out the season just to see how the kids play for him.
Yes, I said kids. Because I am getting old. Very, very old.
I'm not really interested in doing any sort of team-to-team analysis. The Other Tech beat us last year at home. Now we're in their stadium on a Thursday night. No Enter Sandman. No excitement. Just some stupid old car at Bobby Dodd Stadium.
Bleh.
The only thing going for us, literally, is that they suck pretty bad this year. They've actually lost one more game than us, somehow.
Yay for mediocre opponents!
I'm not interested in watching The Hobbit (ever, again, actually). I just want to see how the boys play knowing that THE MAN is retiring this year.
Only 3 more games left.
Only 1 home game left.
Seriously, that's it. I have nothing interesting to say. I will work on my farewell to Frank, but I'm sorta at a loss for words. Still in shock, I think. So... yes... that's literally all I've got.
Expect to get teary-eyed watching all the old clips of Frank tonight.
Forget Jason, Freddy, and the dude from Saw (I thru XVIII).
You wanna be scared? Be scared for tomorrow's game.
Let's think happy thoughts first. Here are my notes from the Pumpkin Heads:
WWLS, RE: DJ Knox: "Don't judge his size, cuz he's a man." He benches 400 pounds. That's fantastic. Didn't help much last week, did it?
WWLS: "Sun spangled". Yeah, whatever that means.
WWLS: "Tech is so good at blocking kicks HISTORICALLY." No s-word, Sherlock. Why don't you just punch me in the gut? Tell me something I DON'T KNOW.
Why was the field so beat up? It looked like the last game of the season after a Taylor Swift concert.
The "BOILERMAKERS" name in the end zone was so large it made my head hurt.
Pound sign "BOILERUP".
Do they really have the World's Largest Drum?
Liars.
WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT US, WWLS STUDIO UPDATE PERSON? IT'S NOT PLEASANT. WHAT CAN YOU DO TO POSSIBLY MAKE ME HATE YOU MORE?
Oh wait... say, "Take that Virginia Tech!" ON AIR, when the Pumpkin Heads completed a 69-yard punt, leaving us at the 1. That actually does make me hate you more.
McMillan, our tailback, was a QB in high school? Why do we insist on changing everyone's position?
The maroon on our helmet was matte. This is a disturbing trend, even in MLB. It literally makes me want to vomit.
WWLS: "Secs." Yes, "Secs." You know, that just doesn't come across they way I think you want it to on live TV. Stick to the whole word. Unless, of course, you are a bunch of frat boys that feel the need to abbreviate everything to one syllable. "Brah".
I'm pretty sure they said that Burgess, the Pumpkin Head WR, is a 25-year-old freshman. Uh huh.
Why in the world did WWLS feel the need to say Lawson's name 5,000 times? And why is he our back-up? I thought we were supposed to be excited about the Durkin kid we stole out of Ohio.
WWLS: "Stress reaction." Not sure what that is, either.
Game highlights: Double reverse, Samwise to Townie. Awesome. Then the blocked punt by Terrell Edmunds, pound sign "BEAMERBALL".
... Take THAT, WWLS!
So, after such a strong showing last week, why be scared? As reader Jennifer in NC describes it, ECU is essentially the WVU of North Carolina. Yeah, bettcha didn't know that, did you? Remember, they beat us last year AT HOME. And, they beat us in 2008. Unlike us, they are a team on the upswing.
Now, to be fair, the Pirates ARRRRGH coming off 2 losses to Navy and Florida. I'm not buying it, though. I think they are trying to lull us into thinking we can beat them. You know how WVU is. (Barf.)
Dowdy-Ficklen Stadium is sold out. Though it's just a wee baby stadium at 50,000 seats, I think it'll be a pretty good crowd for the home team. Our other problem is that if we shut down the run, they'll simply switch to the air. Florida stuffed them at -13 rushing yards, but they still managed to get almost 350 in the air. St. Bud is going to have to be prepared for this one.
Let's just keep doing what we've been doing - drink heavily and see what happens. It's really more fun that way.
Townie has been OK; I'm much happier watching him than The Hobbit.
Purdue's football program must be improving. The U has taught us that arrests just equal good football players.
Or thugs.
I get those confused.
Regardless, tomorrow we match up against The Boilermakers. From my research, it seems that this is not only our first game played in Indiana, but also our first game against Purdue. First, let's learn some things about Indiana.
1. Indiana was created in 1800. The name means "Land of Indians". That, of course, is culturally insensitive. It should be called Nativeamericana.
2. No one can agree where the term "Hoosier" came from. For real. Everyone has a theory. Hoosiers are Indianans, or Indianians. They are also cool racing tires.
3. Nativeamericana is really proud of the Nativeamericanapolis 500. They even featured a "Nativeamery" race car on their state quarter.
4. The official state motto is: "Crossroads of America".
Now that we know enough to visit Nativeamericana, let's dig into the term, "Boilermaker".
boil·er·mak·er
ˈboilərˌmākər/
noun
1.
a person who makes boilers.
2.
NORTH AMERICAN
a shot of whiskey followed by a glass of beer as a chaser.
Definition #2 is pretty awesome. I mean, who wouldn't want a giant shot glass as their mascot?
Unfortunately, according to the Purdue website:
Over the years, Purdue teams had been called grangers, pumpkin-shuckers, railsplitters, cornfield sailors, blacksmiths, foundry hands and, finally, boilermakers. That last one stuck.
It seems that they wanted something to reflect the fact that they were a land-grant university, like us, but couldn't quite pin down the appropriate blue collar occupation to describe themselves.
I think they should have kept pumpkin-shuckers, at least for their football team. It's very seasonally-appropriate, and well, just think of the mascot options!
You get the idea. Instead, they got this:
I don't know... I really like pumpkin. Pumpkin pie. Pumpkin bread. Pumpkin soup. So many options.
So the pumpkin-shuckers are 1-1 on the season, beating Nativeamericana State and losing to Marshall. They average 34.5 points per game, but allow their opponents an average of 27.5 points per game. They are about 50-50 when it comes to rushing versus passing. Like every game, our key is going to be St. Bud, the Patron Saint of Dented Old Lunchpails.
Townie had a good game last week. I guess now we'll find out if it sticks. He was 16-24, totaling 233 yards and 2 TDs. He also rushed 38 yards, with a 4-yard TD.
He looked... decent. Do I miss The Hobbit? No. Is he better than HWSNBN? That remains to be seen. At least I have hope now. Hope is all that I'm asking for at this point. It makes me actually want to watch the game every week. Can Townie turn into this guy?
Holy crap! Don't you miss Danny Coale and Jarrett Boykin? Ugh... now I have depressed myself. On a positive note, we can all be excited for another 3:30 kick-off. Is it any coincidence that Weaves is gone? I think not. Try to ignore the idiocy of the WWLS. At least you can watch this one on your TV. It's the little things that matter in life. LET'S GO! Love salty pumpkin seeds, The B.S.C.
Apparently, we are 5-0 against Furman. They appear to be a standard bounce-back team. Of course, we now have Motley in at QB, so there's an excellent chance we're going to lose.
Just sayin'.
Furman is located in Greenville, South Carolina. There doesn't seem to be anything notable about their location; they are 4 hours away from Myrtle Beach. Does anyone remember the Freaky Tiki?
Their color is purple, which is a little girlie for football, but I won't knock it. It's their mascot that's interesting. It's called a Paladin. According to Al Gore and Wikipedia:
"The paladins, sometimes known as the Twelve Peers, were the foremost warriors of Charlemagne's court" So, basically they are knights. Snooty knights. This is the Charlemagne of which they speak:
Not this one.
Apparently, the former Charlemagne, or Charles the Great, was a great military strategist. Don't ask for anything else, I wasn't a History major. The Snooty Knights just lost to Coastal Carolina last week, 35 to 38. Do you think we can score that many points? Umm... no. Once again, this is a game that will be won or lost on our defense. Let's just go ahead and forget we have an offense this week. I think that will be best for our general mental well-being. That being said, Motley gives us an additional 2" on the field, measuring in at 6'3". He's also 26 pounds heavier. No nicknames yet for Townie, but we'll see. For all you NOVA-ers, this Townie beat Briar Woods in 2011 for the State Championship. Our other options for QB are r-freshman, Durkin, and true freshman, Lawson. FYI, Durkin is 6'4" and Lawson is a whopping 6'6". You know, this all matters because height alone makes you a QB. Duh. I'm not sure what else to say about this one. Watching on WWLS3 is always such a joy. Who knows what the heck is going to happen? I'd say that the Snooty Knights are a good first opponent for Townie, but they may crush us. We've turned into Duke. Oh wait, Duke is good. Wake Forest? Worse? Just buckle in tight and break out your binoculars for tomorrow. Good thing the 3:30 kick-off provides ample pre-game time. Can I recommend some beef dip? Love the unknown, The B.S.C.
Drink consumption was about two times my average last night, but it was nothing that a little Jimmy Dean couldn't soak up this morning. Perhaps the massive amount of beef dip helped, too. One serving in the first quarter and another in the third helps to counteract the alcohol.
So, why do I feel so blah today? Are you feeling it?
Reader Jennifer in North Carolina recommended going to bed at half-time. An excellent, excellent idea. You go to bed happy because we're in the lead, and if you wake up today with a loss, no biggie. It's not heart-breaking, like watching us fail so miserably in the second half last night.
You know why I'm blah? Because that second quarter gave me hope. Seventeen unanswered points gave me hope. I hate hope.
Let me first address something extremely important:
Dear Buick (Its Advertising Department, CEO, and Board of Directors),
I WILL NEVER, EVER, EVER PURCHASE A BUICK.
I understand purchasing a large block of advertising space during the very popular Virginia Tech-Ohio State game on September 7th. I also understand the importance of playing a commercial several times before a person notices it.
You must also know that at some point viewing the same thing over and over again becomes unbearable. Playing the exact same commercial every commercial break is horrendous. If I am exaggerating, then it's not by much. Trust me. Your commercial was painful. I literally had to look away and try not to listen to it.
Next time (not that it matters to me), keep it to maybe 5 plays over the course of the game. Got that? 5. Not 50.
Love,
The B.S.C.
With that out of the way, we can discuss the rest of my disgust from yesterday. I think a list is appropriate:
1. Orange effect? Really? Maroon is obviously our signature color. Are we so scared of Buck-hole fans muddling it up with red that we gave up our SIGNATURE COLOR on our HOME and SEASON opener? We are wusses!
2. Herbie needs to lay off the bronzer. For real. My better half called him an oompa loompa. I don't know, but he did look pretty orange to me. An oompa loompa for the WWLS? Perhaps. An idiot Buck-hole? Yes. Yes, indeed.
a. Stupid Herbie quotes:
1. "He's known for his passing." WHHHHHHHAAAAAAATTTTTTT? Yes, he was referring to the Hobbit.
2. "He's a baller." Again, referring to the Hobbit.
3. The WWLS lived up to its name and its hatred of all things Hokie last night. They read the chorus of Enter Sandman poetically at the beginning of the show, during our awesome opening, in case you missed it. Nothing could be less cool. Ever. They also mocked us in the 4th quarter by showing our jumping crowd from the beginning of the game, as we were getting our butts handed to us. Wow. That was really thoughtful of them.
4. Our helmet colors were odd. Coppery, reddish... Herbie orange?
5. After extensive research, I believe the "pimp" in the leopard/cheetah print shirt on the VT sideline was David Wilson. Can't find any pictures, though... but Al Gore thinks it was Wilson.
6. I counted 4 disgusted Beamer faces on the WWLS, and, 0 gum chewing for St. Bud. Something was off... very off.
7. Samwise is awesome.
8. The Hobbit sucks. The problem is that he may be our best QB. What the heck does Stiney think to himself while recruiting QBs? I cannot even fathom. The good news is that the Hobbit's collar bone is broken so we're gonna see a lot of Motley, and hopefully, Durkin. The bad news is that the Hobbit's collar bone is broken so we're gonna see a lot of Motley, and perhaps, Durkin. Oh, and the Hobbit's parents were with him on the field after the injury. Come on, man. That's embarrassing.
9. We have 3 Edmunds brothers playing? Holy crap!
10. Only smug people obsess over the word, "the".
Those are my top 10. I think it covers the highs (a few) and lows (lots more) from last night. Let's just keep our chins up for now. I'm a little excited at seeing a new QB. Let's do this.
Oh, and the normal match-up blog will be coming later this week. Stay tuned.
Can the Ashley Madison of NCAA football be forgiven?
Well, it's been a while my friends. Have you stayed thirsty? After that Boston College game, I simply couldn't bring myself to type about us anymore. In fact, it pains me to have to attempt to type about us again as we enter yet another season... unranked. Gag. Heave.
Did you know that Bud has been at VT since 1987? And, he's been the Defensive Coordinator since 1995? That man has the patience of a Saint. I don't know how else to explain it. He is our one and only hope this season (mind the name of the website). That, and, well, a miracle.
Saint Bud
St. Bud, Of the Jaw Muscles
St. Bud, the Patron Saint of Pressure
St. Bud, the Omnipresent
Etc., etc...
Keep in mind, we did beat the Buck-holes last year. It was our pre-season bowl game. It was the pinnacle of our season. It was 35 to 21 and The Hobbit looked like he would actually turn into a promising QB. The days of He Who Shall Not Be Named were finally over and Frank promised us that this was our guy.
Fast forward a year and it's looking like we're all Phil Connors in Punxsatawney, P-A. How many years are we going to hear from Frank that this is "our guy" at QB? How many years will we be unranked? How many years is St. Bud going to hang around this crap?
Yes, I am bitter.
I'm sure the Buck-holes are bitter, too. We served up their only loss last year, and, well... we were BLOODY AWFUL. EGREGIOUS!!
I'm pretty sure that they will be looking to correct that misstep tomorrow. The only thing going for us is that we're at home. That, and St. Bud. St. Bud's going to give 'em hell. St. Bud always gives them hell.
I had a VT tee on the other day at the White Trash (WT) Wal-mart in Winchester - you know, the one that borders West Virginny on Route 50. I love that Wal-mart, but that is a story for another day and another blog. In all fairness, VT tees make up about 30% of my entire wardrobe, so I only happened to be wearing it because it was clean. The man behind me in the cigarette line (because often the cigarette line is the ONLY line open there) thanked me for waking up his Buck-holes (he may have called them something else) last season.
He was so smug.
He was too uppity for my WT Wal-mart.
I told him that it was essentially our bowl game, and I expected it to be our bowl game this year as well. I wished him good luck, and went on my way.
I hate smug Buck-hole fans. They really are smug, aren't they?
I hope one day we can be smug Hokie fans. I was smug in the days of Vick and Tyrod. Now, I am gums (the opposite of smug), I suppose.
Oh Lord, no one wants to be gums. Gums are disgusting.
Wow... I just looked up Buck-hole to see if it has an actual definition. Ohhh... maybe I should apologize?
No time for that.
I'm not going to size up the game or make any predictions. I think the plan for this season is just to let this all play out and see what the heck happens... oh, and see if I can stand typing through it. I mean, we're only playing the defending National Champions. The #1 ranked team in the country.
As a good blogger, I just decided to do a little follow-up research on the Buck-hole. I found this:
Totally makes sense.
Now this?
And this...
I need to do more research on this whole cat reference, but I have to say that I like it.
And, last, but not least, the all-powerful Google via the magic of Al Gore, gave me this under the image search for "Buckhole".
Well, at least I know I'm not original. Sigh.
So, I'm going to make beef dip and a strong beverage, and watch with a disposition somewhere in between naive optimism and reluctant horror tomorrow night. At least the beef dip is salty.
In the meantime, take advantage of the Labor Day sale and buy yourself one of these:
I'm now a Bills fan. Are you?
Dear Buck-holes,
Please be mediocre and fail miserably. This is probably the highlight of our season, so be nice.
I took four pages of notes last week, but I just can't bring myself to type about them this week. I think I'm in a stage of grieving for our football program. I keep going back and forth between bargaining (e.g., "God please just let us beat UVA") and acceptance (e.g., "better luck next year").
All hope is lost.
Pretty much.
I have about 5 minutes to type this blog before I need to post it in order to get it out before the game. Sucks, eh? I wasn't going to post anything... but I figured that a little tid-bit of hope would be helpful this week...
Boston College sucks ALMOST as much as we do.
We sit at the bottom of the Coastal Division, of course. BC is in the middle of the Atlantic Division, but they are only 2-2 in ACC play to our 1-3. There's a little bit of hope there.
Sometimes we manage to beat teams better than us. Worse than us? No. Not this season.
Well... the good news is that The Brain managed to figure out how to avoid INTs. Never. Throw. The. Ball. Down. The. Field.
Vomit.
Even Jesse Palmer was annoyed, and he hates us. And he's Canadian.
When we scored a TD this time (and our ONLY points in the game), with 1:30 left in the fourth quarter... it was time to be sick, maybe shed a tear or two. It was pretty disgusting.
So that's where I'm going to leave this. No more painful reminders from last week.
Can we win this? Yeah. We're at home, it's cold, and it's rainy. Pretty much a perfect Lane Stadium game for November.
Do I think we're going to win? Ehhhh.... no. We may lose out the rest of our season. Our Offense has zero confidence, and I don't think The Hobbit will be able to find any unless something miraculous happens.
Well, it was pretty simple. More TDs than INTs, remember that? Since I am often wrong, I will go ahead and take credit for calling this one. My second grader can tell you that 1 > 1 isn't correct. We are going to continue to lose games if we can't score more TDs. It's as simple as that. And Lord help us, we have The U coming up tonight.
I don't take a look at game stats very often, because I think it bores everyone to death. If you want to know stats, you will look up stats. But I did take a peek at last week's:
- We had 7 punts for 292 yards
- The Hobbit had -15 yards rushing, making our TOTAL net rushing yards for the game... wait for it... 26
- The Hobbit had 265 passing yards (note punting yards above)
- We had THREE fumbles, LUCKILY, we only lost 1
On sPITTle's first series, we recovered a fumble and then promptly went 3 and out. That pretty much set the tone for the rest of the game. 3 and out. 3 and out. 3 and out. 3 and out. It's amazing our punter can recover every week from all the action. We had no 1st downs in the entire 1st quarter. Even Hoser Boy was confused at The Brain's play-calling. A short route on 3rd and long?
It's only genius if it works.
After seeing another one of The Hobbit's passes batted down, it occurred to me that he should wear boots like Dog the Bounty Hunter. Dog is 5'7", but wears boots with lifts, giving him another 3" or so. Don't ask me why I know so much about Dog. And don't judge me!
He still wouldn't be the same height as He Who Shall Not Be Named (HWSNBN), but I think it'd help. It was pretty slick, though, when The Hobbit had a pass batted in the air and then he caught it himself. I guess you learn to do that when it happens to you. All. The. Time.
Random notes:
1. Bucky's Hodges' tattoo definitely says "GOD'S" on one arm, and "GIFT" on the other. Nickname, check.
2. Dadi Nicolas is such awesome-sauce. He blocked a FG. WHAT???? Beamerball????
3. This dude, Andrew Motuapuaka, looks likes he's a Samoan from Hawaii (yet another Dog the Bounty Hunter reference)... yet he's from New Zealand/VA Beach. Huh?
4. AGAIN more injuries throughout the game. Augie Conte left the game in the 4th and Chase Williams left in the 3rd.
5. Scoring our first TD with 4:52 left in the 4th quarter is awkward. Do you cry? Do you cheer?
Dear Worldwide Loser in Sports (WWLS),
It's the B.S.C. checking in again. As Dog and Beth would say, "How'z it?".
Hiring a Hoser to provide commentary on an American sport is pretty ridiculous. Haven't we covered this before? He says stupid things. He mentioned HWSNBN. Not only did he mention "him", but he claimed that we had no play-makers over the past 2 years for "him". Really???? That was our problem?
Your Hoser made me almost vomit. In. My. Mouth.
Then, in the spirit of being unbiased, he said that The Hobbit "doesn't have the strongest arm in the world." Acca-scuse me?
Just because HWSNBN rifled off every pass at the same velocity, regardless of where it was going, doesn't mean "he" was a better QB. I think The Hobbit's arm is just fine, thanks. And I'll take him over HWSNBN any day.
AND, if the sPITTle QB is so fantastic, which you all kept saying over and over, why did he have to rush more than their RB? Perhaps HE doesn't have the strongest arm in the world.
Oh, and one more thing. Try to keep up with the game. When Bucky Hodges made that great catch in the 3rd, you showed "Call Reversed" on the screen, when the call stood. Is it that hard to put up a pre-made graphic real-time?
Not impressed,
The B.S.C.
P.S. It's pronounced "muh-TOO-uh-poo-WAH-kuh". You get paid to memorize that stuff, right?
Moving on to tonight...
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
OK, I think I got that out of my system. I can't pretend that I don't want to beat The U. I have this in my closet (which would be on my body if I lost a little weight. Again, don judge me!):
I also have this license plate:
So, yeah... I hate The U. Why? I've said it before: I hate any team who has a huge fan base of people who have never been to the school. This applies to many, many teams... Notre Dame, UNC, Duke, WVU, Ohio State, and on and on. I just happen to hate Miami in general because, well, they're special. Our games against Miami are always crazy. Remember this? I was there... and I certainly do.
That still makes my heart flutter. Like a little girl.
Dear Fan,
Prescription for tonight: Watch video. Rinse. Repeat.
Do hourly before kick-off.
Love,
The B.S.C.
We are both 4-3 coming into tonight. Seems like the good ole U is having a crap-tastic season, Hokie-style, with losses to Louisville, Nebraska, and Georgia Tech. This puppy seems to be a toss-up. They have a much more effective Offense than we do, especially with our current running situation. BUT, they do have 9 INTs this season, which means they do have some weaknesses that Bud can exploit. We need Fuller to have a BIG game. HUGE!
We also need to establish some sort of running game if we have any hopes of creating an effective Offense for the rest of the season. The Brain needs to figure out some sort of running back mix that can actually move the ball for 100 yards per game. With Williams back in the line-up tonight, maybe we can do that.
Let's just sit back, consume a little (or a lot of) alcohol, and hope that we step up and beat this team, for Mediocrity-Bragging-Rights-sake.
More TDs than INTs. More TDs than INTs. Go sit in your closet and hum that for a while (in between video viewing).
Is it just me, or do the Baby Blue Blankie camo helmets look like fluffy clouds against pretty blue skies? That's super-hard core helmet decor, man. Super. Hard. Core.
Wow, was that a lame game, or what? Lame helmets. Lame stats. Even my notes were lame. Speaking of lame:
- Maddy is out 2-4 weeks with a torn meniscus
- Facyson is out the rest of the season with a leg injury
- Spuds has a torn ACL, out for the rest of the season
- Edmunds is out 6-8 weeks with a broken clavicle
- Williams sprained his ankle playing the Fluffy Clouds and will not play tonight
What's up with all the injuries? I, of course, assume what I've always assumed (since hearing from a former player that Beamer babies the players during practices and treats them like they don't NEED to practice):
THEY ARE GETTING HURT BECAUSE THEY AREN'T PROPERLY PREPARING FOR GAMES!
If the above isn't true, then I suppose that we've just got really horrible luck. Horrible, horrible "luck". And if THAT is true, then I guess Stiney had horrible "luck", and Bud just has good "luck" with his Defense, etc., etc., etc...
You get the idea. In the spirit of full disclosure, I want to let you know that I just googled "fire Frank Beamer", and to my dismay, there is no site with this name. Instead, it goes straight to http://www.beamerball.com/free/index.htm, which is sorta disturbing. Did he really have to purchase that website name in order to stop websites like those that asked for the dismissal of Stiney? I call for an all out B.S.C. REVOLT! Who is ready to start a fire Beamer blog??? You?
Someone will do it. I have faith.
"Luckily", during the lame game they showed this beautiful stat that the Hobbit had 9 TDs and 10 INTs. To make sure that we didn't lose this badge of honor, the Hobbit now has 10 TDs and 11 INTs going into tonight's game. Super. Awesome-sauce.
For the record, he had 0 INTs at Texas Tech. Lucky us.
In unrelated news, I am searching for a picture of Bucky Hodges' tattoos. Stay tuned.
I am pretty excited tonight, just for the mere fact that The Worldwide Loser in Sports has to endure this Thursday night prime time game with two unranked - admittedly crappy - ACC teams. HILARIOUS! Take that and shove it in your pie hole, Lou Holtz.
I know, I know, Thursday night games should pump me up. It's just hard, you know, getting super excited this season. I am excited that I can have a drink tonight, because, everyone knows that Thursday night is the official start to the weekend. I am also excited to see a lot of Samwise tonight, because, well, we have no other choices. I am also excited that sPITTle isn't too hot this year, so we've got a good shot to win another match of Mediocrity Bragging Rights tonight. I'm sure there's a home somewhere in the world where this game makes a difference. Somewhere. Out. There.
I could play that on the ol' keyboard back in the day. It was the keyboard jam in our house in the '80s. More awesome-sauce.
sPITTle is on a 3-game losing streak. I really do hope we can make it 4. They lost to UVA, fer cryin' in the mud! They did beat Boston College earlier in the season... so that's a tad scary.
If the hobbits show up to play, and our TDs are greater than our INTs, then we have a good chance of winning this one, with some LUCK. Anything can happen this year, though, so I'm just going to depend on vodka, my old dependable friend, to see me through.
Love to get some good game notes this week,
The B.S.C.
What did I say about That High School Team? We needed to score 39 points to win. Thanks to Bud, we cut that down to just 28, but we STILL couldn't do it.
I listened to this one thanks to Al Gore and I'm sure all he did to establish satellite radio. We literally had our Sirius turned on with 6 minutes to spare before the game started, all while driving down to the House of Mouse on 95.
My first question of the day was: Why would Thad Lee transfer from That High School Team to JMU?
My second: Why is Williams starting, AGAIN?
Insert a lunch stop here. Friendly Kenly. It's exit 106 in NC. Believe me, you won't miss it. It's the truck stop with a lighthouse in the front, decorative of course. That place was awesome... a Wendy's, a Subway, a Caribou Coffee... all with clean tables in sort of a food-court setting. PLUS, all the awesomeness of a truck stop that carries random clothing and Harley stuff, and even truck supplies. It's our new favorite stop on 95. Mark it down!
At the half, the score was 16-10. That High School Team was running allllllllll over us. Then Kalvin Cline reappeared, there were fumbles, blocked kicks, interceptions returned for TDs, and on and on and on. Not that it had anything to do with Klein. It was nice to see him again.
When Thomas, the new HS QB, can't throw - is it still considered an option?
Ponder that one for a while...
Maybe he is distantly related to He Who Shall Not Be Named.
Well, I was almost right about accepting the one INT per quarter... we had 3. The only good thing that came out of this game is some nickname solidification:
Willie Byrn: The Paper Boy
Loeffler: The Brain
Brewer: The Hobbit
Sam Rogers: Samwise
and new to the mix...
McKenzie: Spuds
Then we move on to last weekend's game against Some Team from Michigan. And thankfully, Sirius didn't carry it. Surprise! I mean, I wouldn't carry it either if I were them. So no notes, nothing. And I was so glad.
The House of Mouse, with four children and my parents, was completely and utterly exhausting. I think that this illness is so prevalent in Disney-goers that we should officially name it, you guessed it, MOUSE EXHAUSTION (ME). You've gotta rush to a ride here and then a ride there, and then rush to see this parade or this character or find this doll. Oh wait, stand up in line here for an hour. Walk across this park here in 100% humidity. Lunch requires stalking prey like leopards. You have to split up and look for signs of weakness in order to find enough seating for your large group to feed. And it rains... either torrential down-pours or just little 15-minute thunder storms. Just enough to soak you and make someone, or everyone, miserable.
It's all part of ME. The only way to combat ME? Alcohol and laziness. Lots and lots of laziness.
We are almost back to normal in The B.S.C. house thanks to the prescription above. I'm back to snotty, which I now blame solely on either my house or northern VA. The kids are alive. My parents are alive. All is good.
Enter the Baby Blue Blankies in a couple hours. I'm not going to do a game run-down. I just don't have the energy or mental capacity. Blame ME.
Did I mention we babysat 3 additional children last night?
We should be scared of the Blankies. Mediocrity Bragging Rights in a house in Lincolnton, North Carolina are resting on this one game of the season. If we can somehow manage to organize the hobbits, we may be able to get back on track. This is going to be a tough one, though...
Peace out until next week. Let's see if some football can actually inspire a post!
So this puppy is late, and for that I apologize. I would like to list out all my great reasons for having this crap-tastically late post:
1. My better half was out of town most of this week in the land of "the other lobster rolls", aka, Connecticut.
2. Elementary school germs. Three snotty kids. Sick B.S.C..
3. I am literally writing this on my phone on 95, heading to the land of "no lobster rolls", aka, Disney World.
4. Note packing for number 3 above with number 1 and 2 above.
5. Oh yeah, and we lost to That People Team.
I will admit that I couldn't make myself watch the game last week. I had it taped but then someone told me the outcome (thanks, jerk). Combine 1 and 2 and 4 above... and well, it just wasn't going to happen. At least we aren't ranked now. The roller coaster is back down the hill, and we can all go back to our normal cynical selves. Yeah, yeah, I admit, it's much easier for me to be snarky than all believe-y, like last week. Thank you for restoring the norm, That Purple Team.
You can still shove my cynicism in your pie holes, Worldwide Boozer in Sports.
I just couldn't let the week go by without a comment on the Triple Crown, Point Spread, Option. I wonder what magnificent word the ESPN noon crowd will call that - which is basically high school football - today.
Bud has this game. He's been dreaming of this crap for months, and after feverishly chewing 12 packs of Big Red last Saturday, he's amped and ready.
Being insensitive to endangered species everywhere, we will of course only refer to Georgia
Tech as That High School Team.
Other than Bud, the key to beating That High School Team is simple: score 39 points. They've won all three of their games this year, scoring exactly 38 points in each.
No score 38, no win.
OK, writing on my phone is getting old. Don't hold your breath for next week, but I'll try to check in.
Go hobbits!
Love glorious rest stops all over 95 South,
The B.S.C.
Oh, Mr. JT... you didn't have anything for me. Or at least, nothing that Bud couldn't handle. Nothing.
Yes, I know, I made you feel very uncomfortable with the song last week. I get it. It was a little awkward to think of Beamer singing such things. But hey, uncomfortable worked. Uncomfortable won.
The Hobbit, according to the Worldwide Loser in Sports, is...
- an undersized Academic Wonder
- not fast
- not an over-powering arm
- not the biggest
and, "doesn't look the part".
Dear ESPN,
I get it; he's The Hobbit! He threw an interception during the 1st series right after a roughing-the-passer penalty put us in Ohio State territory. That was bloody egregious and I thought to myself, "Oh wonderful! This is how it's gonna go."
But then it didn't. And we actually put together drives and stuff!
So... do we really want someone who can "look the part"???? Really? Didn't we, ....ohhhhh, I don't know.... go through that with He Who Shall Not Be Named for so many flippin' years that I don't even want to think about it???? Give me a flippin' break, ESPN. You guys are idiots. You don't "look the part" of competent announcers, now do you?
I'll take The Hobbit. I'll expect an interception every game, maybe even every quarter! But if he gets over it, then darn it, so can we!
You know where you can shove your part-looking.
Oh, and by the way, by the end of the game, you said things like, he makes "good, quick decisions". And, he's a "cool customer". Oh, and he "established himself as a leader".
You guys are fools.
And how many times do you need to say, "the horseshoe"???
Love any other broadcast crew,
The B.S.C.
There are so many things I liked this game that I will just sorta list them out.
1. The no-huddle. Love it. Keep it forever.
2. Willie Byrn. The Paper Boy. Love him. Keep him forever.
3. Bucky Hodges, a QB turned TE. WHAT??? Love it. Do that from now on, never the other way around.
4. Shanked field goals by Ohio State. Awesome-sauce.
5. Ryan Malleck. Love him. Keep him forever, too.
6. Derek Di Nardo. He's been playing with us 4 seasons? Really? He is now a presence to be reckoned with. He had 3 tackles and 2 sacks. Love him. Keep him forever.
7. Kyshoen Jarrett is a beast. He was the Nagurski National Defensive Player of the Week. Love him. Keep him forever.
What I didn't enjoy were the lack of penalties called on Ohio State. It was border-line ridiculous. They also picked on cornerback Chuck Clark big-time. This kept Fuller out of the game, pretty much. I just hope Clark will step up to the challenge. I think this is going to happen A LOT. I also didn't enjoy the fact that we kept putting Williams in. Over and over and over. Why not McKenzie? I don't know. Maybe Loeffler has some secret plan that we haven't yet figured out in regards to the running game. Heck, the play of the game involved Edmunds blocking with Newsome running. I don't know, but since we won I will just say Loeffler is a genius. Maybe he's an evil genius - that has yet to be determined. But, let us now call him The Brain...
In keeping with the LOTR theme, fullback Sam Rogers is now officially and forever-more, Samwise. Samwise got his first TD this past weekend. Yay hobbits!
So, there it is. The horseshoe was not so impressive. I hated Ohio State without ever playing them... and I'm pretty sure I still hate them. They are like Notre Dame or WVU. People are fans just because. No good reason. Their idea of third down chaos is to hold up 3 fingers. Wooooaaaaahhhhh there, Nelly! You are going to deafen us with your hand gestures!
There were interceptions and fumbles and missed field goals. And yet we are now #17 AP, #19 USA Today, and #13 in the Power Rankings.
Holy flying leap into the rankings, Batman!
Next up, ECU. Due to political correctness and sensitivity to people with eye patches everywhere, we will only refer to ECU as ECU or That Purple Team. That's it. (Note to Etsy: any reference to eye patches is offensive and should be removed from your site.)
That Purple Team is 1-1 on the season, with a not-so-awful-loss to a ranked South Carolina team. They only lost by 10 points. Their rushing game doesn't seem to be stellar, but oh my, they have quite the air game.
Their QB, Shane Carden, already has 604 passing yards and 4 TDs on the season. Yikes! Chuck Clark better be ready for this one, because they are coming his way.
Predictions:
1 INT by Fuller and 1 INT by Jarrett
This game is pretty scary, but I'm going to have faith and just believe we can do anything this season. Why not? We were bound to win a game like Ohio State's one day, and we did. We'll be the Cinderella-story of the season! I know, this is not my norm. And I can't promise doom and gloom in the near future. But let's see what it's like to act all happy-go-lucky for a game and see where it takes us.
Shove that in your pie-hole, Worldwide Loser in Sports! The B.S.C. is calling it RIGHT NOW!
8:00pm, Saturday night... playing the # 7/8 ranked team in the nation. Oh my goodness. Thanks for setting this one up, Weaves. Way to make an exit.
So I wrote down some notes from the practice game against That Team From Williamsburg last week, but I think I can just condense it into some quick and easy bullet points:
- We have all sorts of new WR and TE options. Me likey!
- The Hobbit is so darn short that he had one ball batted down and one ball tipped and intercepted. The Hobbit!
- As my astute spouse pointed out, Coleman certainly does not look like our starter this season. The true freshmen showed him up. Watch, or no watch (you'll only understand if you were listening to the fantastic announcer crew).
- Where the heck was all the talk about He Who Shall Not Be Named?
- We really did stay thirsty, didn't we?
- Snooze-fest results: Win, 34-9
That's it. Like it or not, awake or not, that was all that really needs to be said about the game last weekend. It scares me to death. We struggled a little in the beginning until we wore them down by our size. Ummm, yeah.... our size will not benefit us in two days.
These Ohio State kids poo bigger than us (especially The Hobbit).
Ohio State enters Saturday with the nation's longest regular-season winning streak at 25 games.
Ohio State and Virginia Tech are meeting for the first time Saturday.
Ohio State has won 35 consecutive home openers; the last loss coming in 1978 to Penn State.
The Buckeyes are 112-8-4 all-time in home openers since 1890.
Ohio State is 39-22 all-time in night games (games 5 p.m. or later) and have won its last five night games at Ohio Stadium.
Ohio State has not lost a night game at Ohio Stadium since 2009 (USC).
Ohio State is 74-7 overall at Ohio Stadium since the start of the 2002 season.
Ohio State has won 64 consecutive regular-season home games against unranked, non-conference opponents. The last loss: 34-17 to Florida State, Oct. 2, 1982.
Redshirt freshman QB J.T. Barrett was named the Big Ten co-Freshman of the Week for his performance in the win vs. Navy.
Head coach Urban Meyer is 48-4 in his career in games played in August/September.
"
HOLY SCARY STATISTICS, BATMAN!
Can we also mention that their stadium has been outfitted to seat 104,944? AND, they are expecting to have a record crowd Saturday night?
We have a few things going for us:
1. Shay McKenzie was the ACC Rookie of the Week, with 106 yards on 9 carries, including a TD. (The spouse has proclaimed him the starter, FYI)
2. Ohio State is featuring J.T. Barrett, a redshirt Freshman, in the QB slot. Inexperience is good, very good, for Bud.
3. Ohio's run defense was crap against Navy, giving up 370 yards. McKenzie? Check.
Speaking of JT...
Dear Mr. JT,
I, The B.S.C., have thought of a perfect karaoke song for you and the boys. See below, with my notes in italics.
Bud sings:
Mr. JT, now, what you got for me?
Mr. JT, now, what you got for me?
Mr. JT, now, what you got for me?
Mr. JT, now, what you got, what you got?
Mr. JT, now, what you got for me?
Mr. JT, now, what you got for me?
Mr. JT, now, what you got for me?
Mr. JT, now, what you got?
You sing:
You're sneaky, from the corner of my eye
I saw you eyeing me, I know that you're watching
Tell me, what would you do if I encouraged you
To get next to me, when nobody's watching?
Bud sings:
The way your body keeps moving
Is something that makes me weak
Let's start our own little secrets
For just you and me to keep
Too late to come or shy now
You've already gone this far
Beamer and Urban Meyer sing:
So, baby make your move, take charge
(Ooh)
Show me what you got for me
Oh no, girl
Is that your hands rubbing on me?
Oh no, girl
Is that your hands feeling on me?
Oh no, girl
Is that your hands rubbing on me?
If so, girl
If that's your hands, then tell me
What you got for me?
You sing:
Baby, I can tell that you want to do more
Than just dance with me and I don't mind you flirting
But honestly, do you really wanna spend
The whole night passing looks at me?
(Looks at me) (You look at Bud)
Come over here and get to working
Bud sings:
The way your body keeps moving
Is something that makes me weak
(Makes me weak)
Let's start our own little secrets
(Yeah)
For just you and me to keep
(Us to keep)
Too late to come or shy now
You've already gone this far
Beamer and Urban Meyer sing:
So, baby make your move, take charge
(Ooh)
Show me what you got for me
Oh no, girl
Is that your hands rubbing on me?
Oh no, girl
Is that your hands feeling on me?
Oh no, girl
Is that your hands rubbing on me?
If so, girl
If that's your hands, then tell me
What you got for me?
Everyone sings:
Oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh
What you got?
Oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh
What you got?
Oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh
What you got?
Oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh
Oh no
(Oh no)
Beamer and Urban Meyer sing:
Is that your hands rubbing on me?
(Your hands)
Oh no
(No)
Is that your hands feeling on me?
(Your hands)
Oh no, girl
Is that your hands rubbing on me?
(Your hands, rubbing on me)
If so, girl
If that's your hands, then tell me
(If that's your hands)
What you got for me?
Everyone sings:
Oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh
What you got?
Oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh
What you got?
Oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh
What you got?
Oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh
Oh no, your hands feeling on me
Oh no, your hands rubbing on me
I hope you like it. Good luck on Saturday! Try not to get your jersey dirty.
Love,
The B.S.C.
In Bud we must TRUST this week. Defense is going to be our key to the game. If we can keep them from scoring, then we have a chance to let our RBs try to move the ball down the field.
Since Ohio State has shamefully mocked
1. a North American tree or shrub related to the horse chestnut, with showy yellow, red, or white flowers.
OR
2.
an orange and brown New World butterfly with conspicuous eyespots on the wings.
with its mascot, I will not refer to them by that name. It's either Ohio State or That Team From Columbus.
Let's see how many times we hear He Who Shall Not Be Named during this broadcast. We all know the Worldwide Loser in Sports doesn't do its game prep.
Love What You Got Oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh,
The B.S. C.
