Life is sad without football. There's mulch and pulling weeds and hives on my arms from pulling weeds. Psych is already over. Destination Truth isn't coming out until the summer. Where the heck did Dual Survival go? How are you supposed to enjoy a drink on a Saturday night when there's no Dual Survival on the DVR? Hot in Cleveland can only get you so far...
But this is what we have to go through every year. Right now is the quiet time - the lull - the calm before the storm. The jerks in your office have stopped talking about basketball brackets, and well, there's not much going on in the world of sports that really matters. Yes, yes, the Nationals are doing well. But really, we all know that doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. The draft will be interesting. We'll see where our Hokies end up.
Oh wait. Did I mention basketball?
ATTENTION HOKIE FANS: THIS IS JIM WEAVER. AT 4 PM TODAY I AM GOING TO ANNOUNCE VIA A PRESS CONFERENCE THAT I HAVE FIRED SETH GREENBERG. HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW IT YET. HE-HE-HE. THAT IS BECAUSE I AM EVIL. BUT HE HASN'T DONE SQUAT FOR US, AND WELL, I AM TIRED OF EVERYONE MAKING FUN OF OUR BASKETBALL PROGRAM. IT MAKES ME ASHAMED TO BE IN THE ACC. SUCKS TO BE YOU, SETH. I'LL BE TALKING TO YOU AT 1:30. PEACE OUT!
Yeah, that's pretty much how it went. Poor Seth got the boot, only after Weaver let everyone know that it was going to happen. Weaver is so classy. It's amazing that he hates tailgating and playing decent non-NC opponents so much with that amount of class. I know what you are thinking. Our basketball program is in the news! Yes!!! Take that and shove it Maryland fans. But alas, we are still just a mockery.
Dear Weaver,
Hire a real basketball coach using real money, and maybe, just maybe, we can actually have a "program". I wouldn't mind watching some basketball while waiting for football to start again. Thanks.
The B.S.C.
So, yeah, that's about all the excitement coming out of Blacksburg at this moment. VOTE HERE to get the worldwide loser in sports to shoot a Game Day commercial in B-Burg. Pass the link on to your friends.
I got this Inova magazine in the mail probably about a month ago. According to the article, we signed Connor Jessop, the Broad Run QB and pitcher, as a preferred walk-on after he had surgery for a broken collarbone. He is 6'4", which makes him merely a baby giraffe. Interesting. Very interesting.
Ahh, well, that's about all I have for today, kids. I just wanted to check your pulse and make sure you are still breathing out there. I'll send a little note after the draft to rant, I'm sure. Enjoy the sunshine.
LOVE WRITING IN ALL CAPS LIKE OWEN MEANY,
THE B.S.C.
