So this puppy is late, and for that I apologize. I would like to list out all my great reasons for having this crap-tastically late post:
1. My better half was out of town most of this week in the land of "the other lobster rolls", aka, Connecticut.
2. Elementary school germs. Three snotty kids. Sick B.S.C..
3. I am literally writing this on my phone on 95, heading to the land of "no lobster rolls", aka, Disney World.
4. Note packing for number 3 above with number 1 and 2 above.
5. Oh yeah, and we lost to That People Team.
I will admit that I couldn't make myself watch the game last week. I had it taped but then someone told me the outcome (thanks, jerk). Combine 1 and 2 and 4 above... and well, it just wasn't going to happen. At least we aren't ranked now. The roller coaster is back down the hill, and we can all go back to our normal cynical selves. Yeah, yeah, I admit, it's much easier for me to be snarky than all believe-y, like last week. Thank you for restoring the norm, That Purple Team.
You can still shove my cynicism in your pie holes, Worldwide Boozer in Sports.
I just couldn't let the week go by without a comment on the Triple Crown, Point Spread, Option. I wonder what magnificent word the ESPN noon crowd will call that - which is basically high school football - today.
Bud has this game. He's been dreaming of this crap for months, and after feverishly chewing 12 packs of Big Red last Saturday, he's amped and ready.
Being insensitive to endangered species everywhere, we will of course only refer to Georgia
Tech as That High School Team.
Other than Bud, the key to beating That High School Team is simple: score 39 points. They've won all three of their games this year, scoring exactly 38 points in each.
No score 38, no win.
OK, writing on my phone is getting old. Don't hold your breath for next week, but I'll try to check in.
Go hobbits!
Love glorious rest stops all over 95 South,
The B.S.C.
Saturday, September 20, 2014
Friday, September 12, 2014
Our Little Hobbit Becomes a Real Hokie, Yes, A Real Hokie
Oh, Mr. JT... you didn't have anything for me. Or at least, nothing that Bud couldn't handle. Nothing.
Yes, I know, I made you feel very uncomfortable with the song last week. I get it. It was a little awkward to think of Beamer singing such things. But hey, uncomfortable worked. Uncomfortable won.
The Hobbit, according to the Worldwide Loser in Sports, is...
- an undersized Academic Wonder
- not fast
- not an over-powering arm
- not the biggest
and, "doesn't look the part".
Dear ESPN,
I get it; he's The Hobbit! He threw an interception during the 1st series right after a roughing-the-passer penalty put us in Ohio State territory. That was bloody egregious and I thought to myself, "Oh wonderful! This is how it's gonna go."
But then it didn't. And we actually put together drives and stuff!
So... do we really want someone who can "look the part"???? Really? Didn't we, ....ohhhhh, I don't know.... go through that with He Who Shall Not Be Named for so many flippin' years that I don't even want to think about it???? Give me a flippin' break, ESPN. You guys are idiots. You don't "look the part" of competent announcers, now do you?
I'll take The Hobbit. I'll expect an interception every game, maybe even every quarter! But if he gets over it, then darn it, so can we!
You know where you can shove your part-looking.
Oh, and by the way, by the end of the game, you said things like, he makes "good, quick decisions". And, he's a "cool customer". Oh, and he "established himself as a leader".
You guys are fools.
And how many times do you need to say, "the horseshoe"???
Love any other broadcast crew,
The B.S.C.
There are so many things I liked this game that I will just sorta list them out.
1. The no-huddle. Love it. Keep it forever.
2. Willie Byrn. The Paper Boy. Love him. Keep him forever.
3. Bucky Hodges, a QB turned TE. WHAT??? Love it. Do that from now on, never the other way around.
4. Shanked field goals by Ohio State. Awesome-sauce.
5. Ryan Malleck. Love him. Keep him forever, too.
6. Derek Di Nardo. He's been playing with us 4 seasons? Really? He is now a presence to be reckoned with. He had 3 tackles and 2 sacks. Love him. Keep him forever.
7. Kyshoen Jarrett is a beast. He was the Nagurski National Defensive Player of the Week. Love him. Keep him forever.
What I didn't enjoy were the lack of penalties called on Ohio State. It was border-line ridiculous. They also picked on cornerback Chuck Clark big-time. This kept Fuller out of the game, pretty much. I just hope Clark will step up to the challenge. I think this is going to happen A LOT. I also didn't enjoy the fact that we kept putting Williams in. Over and over and over. Why not McKenzie? I don't know. Maybe Loeffler has some secret plan that we haven't yet figured out in regards to the running game. Heck, the play of the game involved Edmunds blocking with Newsome running. I don't know, but since we won I will just say Loeffler is a genius. Maybe he's an evil genius - that has yet to be determined. But, let us now call him The Brain...
In keeping with the LOTR theme, fullback Sam Rogers is now officially and forever-more, Samwise. Samwise got his first TD this past weekend. Yay hobbits!
So, there it is. The horseshoe was not so impressive. I hated Ohio State without ever playing them... and I'm pretty sure I still hate them. They are like Notre Dame or WVU. People are fans just because. No good reason. Their idea of third down chaos is to hold up 3 fingers. Wooooaaaaahhhhh there, Nelly! You are going to deafen us with your hand gestures!
There were interceptions and fumbles and missed field goals. And yet we are now #17 AP, #19 USA Today, and #13 in the Power Rankings.
Holy flying leap into the rankings, Batman!
Next up, ECU. Due to political correctness and sensitivity to people with eye patches everywhere, we will only refer to ECU as ECU or That Purple Team. That's it. (Note to Etsy: any reference to eye patches is offensive and should be removed from your site.)
That Purple Team is 1-1 on the season, with a not-so-awful-loss to a ranked South Carolina team. They only lost by 10 points. Their rushing game doesn't seem to be stellar, but oh my, they have quite the air game.
Their QB, Shane Carden, already has 604 passing yards and 4 TDs on the season. Yikes! Chuck Clark better be ready for this one, because they are coming his way.
Predictions:
1 INT by Fuller and 1 INT by Jarrett
This game is pretty scary, but I'm going to have faith and just believe we can do anything this season. Why not? We were bound to win a game like Ohio State's one day, and we did. We'll be the Cinderella-story of the season! I know, this is not my norm. And I can't promise doom and gloom in the near future. But let's see what it's like to act all happy-go-lucky for a game and see where it takes us.
Shove that in your pie-hole, Worldwide Loser in Sports! The B.S.C. is calling it RIGHT NOW!
As Tailgate Fever would say...
I believe.
Love QBs who are QBs,
The B.S.C.
P.S. You ARE a Hokie now, Hobbit, Yes, yes, you ARE.
Yes, I know, I made you feel very uncomfortable with the song last week. I get it. It was a little awkward to think of Beamer singing such things. But hey, uncomfortable worked. Uncomfortable won.
The Hobbit, according to the Worldwide Loser in Sports, is...
- an undersized Academic Wonder
- not fast
- not an over-powering arm
- not the biggest
and, "doesn't look the part".
Dear ESPN,
I get it; he's The Hobbit! He threw an interception during the 1st series right after a roughing-the-passer penalty put us in Ohio State territory. That was bloody egregious and I thought to myself, "Oh wonderful! This is how it's gonna go."
But then it didn't. And we actually put together drives and stuff!
So... do we really want someone who can "look the part"???? Really? Didn't we, ....ohhhhh, I don't know.... go through that with He Who Shall Not Be Named for so many flippin' years that I don't even want to think about it???? Give me a flippin' break, ESPN. You guys are idiots. You don't "look the part" of competent announcers, now do you?
I'll take The Hobbit. I'll expect an interception every game, maybe even every quarter! But if he gets over it, then darn it, so can we!
You know where you can shove your part-looking.
Oh, and by the way, by the end of the game, you said things like, he makes "good, quick decisions". And, he's a "cool customer". Oh, and he "established himself as a leader".
You guys are fools.
And how many times do you need to say, "the horseshoe"???
Love any other broadcast crew,
The B.S.C.
There are so many things I liked this game that I will just sorta list them out.
1. The no-huddle. Love it. Keep it forever.
2. Willie Byrn. The Paper Boy. Love him. Keep him forever.
3. Bucky Hodges, a QB turned TE. WHAT??? Love it. Do that from now on, never the other way around.
4. Shanked field goals by Ohio State. Awesome-sauce.
5. Ryan Malleck. Love him. Keep him forever, too.
6. Derek Di Nardo. He's been playing with us 4 seasons? Really? He is now a presence to be reckoned with. He had 3 tackles and 2 sacks. Love him. Keep him forever.
7. Kyshoen Jarrett is a beast. He was the Nagurski National Defensive Player of the Week. Love him. Keep him forever.
What I didn't enjoy were the lack of penalties called on Ohio State. It was border-line ridiculous. They also picked on cornerback Chuck Clark big-time. This kept Fuller out of the game, pretty much. I just hope Clark will step up to the challenge. I think this is going to happen A LOT. I also didn't enjoy the fact that we kept putting Williams in. Over and over and over. Why not McKenzie? I don't know. Maybe Loeffler has some secret plan that we haven't yet figured out in regards to the running game. Heck, the play of the game involved Edmunds blocking with Newsome running. I don't know, but since we won I will just say Loeffler is a genius. Maybe he's an evil genius - that has yet to be determined. But, let us now call him The Brain...
In keeping with the LOTR theme, fullback Sam Rogers is now officially and forever-more, Samwise. Samwise got his first TD this past weekend. Yay hobbits!
So, there it is. The horseshoe was not so impressive. I hated Ohio State without ever playing them... and I'm pretty sure I still hate them. They are like Notre Dame or WVU. People are fans just because. No good reason. Their idea of third down chaos is to hold up 3 fingers. Wooooaaaaahhhhh there, Nelly! You are going to deafen us with your hand gestures!
There were interceptions and fumbles and missed field goals. And yet we are now #17 AP, #19 USA Today, and #13 in the Power Rankings.
Holy flying leap into the rankings, Batman!
Next up, ECU. Due to political correctness and sensitivity to people with eye patches everywhere, we will only refer to ECU as ECU or That Purple Team. That's it. (Note to Etsy: any reference to eye patches is offensive and should be removed from your site.)
That Purple Team is 1-1 on the season, with a not-so-awful-loss to a ranked South Carolina team. They only lost by 10 points. Their rushing game doesn't seem to be stellar, but oh my, they have quite the air game.
Their QB, Shane Carden, already has 604 passing yards and 4 TDs on the season. Yikes! Chuck Clark better be ready for this one, because they are coming his way.
Predictions:
1 INT by Fuller and 1 INT by Jarrett
This game is pretty scary, but I'm going to have faith and just believe we can do anything this season. Why not? We were bound to win a game like Ohio State's one day, and we did. We'll be the Cinderella-story of the season! I know, this is not my norm. And I can't promise doom and gloom in the near future. But let's see what it's like to act all happy-go-lucky for a game and see where it takes us.
Shove that in your pie-hole, Worldwide Loser in Sports! The B.S.C. is calling it RIGHT NOW!
As Tailgate Fever would say...
I believe.
Love QBs who are QBs,
The B.S.C.
P.S. You ARE a Hokie now, Hobbit, Yes, yes, you ARE.
Thursday, September 4, 2014
If Justin Timberlake Ever Applied to a Game
HOLY NIGHTMARE NIGHT GAME, BATMAN!
8:00pm, Saturday night... playing the # 7/8 ranked team in the nation. Oh my goodness. Thanks for setting this one up, Weaves. Way to make an exit.
So I wrote down some notes from the practice game against That Team From Williamsburg last week, but I think I can just condense it into some quick and easy bullet points:
- We have all sorts of new WR and TE options. Me likey!
- The Hobbit is so darn short that he had one ball batted down and one ball tipped and intercepted. The Hobbit!
- As my astute spouse pointed out, Coleman certainly does not look like our starter this season. The true freshmen showed him up. Watch, or no watch (you'll only understand if you were listening to the fantastic announcer crew).
- Where the heck was all the talk about He Who Shall Not Be Named?
That's it. Like it or not, awake or not, that was all that really needs to be said about the game last weekend. It scares me to death. We struggled a little in the beginning until we wore them down by our size. Ummm, yeah.... our size will not benefit us in two days.
These Ohio State kids poo bigger than us (especially The Hobbit).
Per the Ohio State website:
"
HOLY SCARY STATISTICS, BATMAN!
Can we also mention that their stadium has been outfitted to seat 104,944? AND, they are expecting to have a record crowd Saturday night?
We have a few things going for us:
1. Shay McKenzie was the ACC Rookie of the Week, with 106 yards on 9 carries, including a TD. (The spouse has proclaimed him the starter, FYI)
2. Ohio State is featuring J.T. Barrett, a redshirt Freshman, in the QB slot. Inexperience is good, very good, for Bud.
3. Ohio's run defense was crap against Navy, giving up 370 yards. McKenzie? Check.
Speaking of JT...
Dear Mr. JT,
I, The B.S.C., have thought of a perfect karaoke song for you and the boys. See below, with my notes in italics.
I hope you like it. Good luck on Saturday! Try not to get your jersey dirty.
Love,
The B.S.C.
In Bud we must TRUST this week. Defense is going to be our key to the game. If we can keep them from scoring, then we have a chance to let our RBs try to move the ball down the field.
Since Ohio State has shamefully mocked
with its mascot, I will not refer to them by that name. It's either Ohio State or That Team From Columbus.
Let's see how many times we hear He Who Shall Not Be Named during this broadcast. We all know the Worldwide Loser in Sports doesn't do its game prep.
Love What You Got Oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh,
The B.S. C.
8:00pm, Saturday night... playing the # 7/8 ranked team in the nation. Oh my goodness. Thanks for setting this one up, Weaves. Way to make an exit.
So I wrote down some notes from the practice game against That Team From Williamsburg last week, but I think I can just condense it into some quick and easy bullet points:
- We have all sorts of new WR and TE options. Me likey!
- The Hobbit is so darn short that he had one ball batted down and one ball tipped and intercepted. The Hobbit!
- As my astute spouse pointed out, Coleman certainly does not look like our starter this season. The true freshmen showed him up. Watch, or no watch (you'll only understand if you were listening to the fantastic announcer crew).
- Where the heck was all the talk about He Who Shall Not Be Named?
- We really did stay thirsty, didn't we?
- Snooze-fest results: Win, 34-9That's it. Like it or not, awake or not, that was all that really needs to be said about the game last weekend. It scares me to death. We struggled a little in the beginning until we wore them down by our size. Ummm, yeah.... our size will not benefit us in two days.
These Ohio State kids poo bigger than us (especially The Hobbit).
Per the Ohio State website:
"
FIRST AND 10
- Ohio State enters Saturday with the nation's longest regular-season winning streak at 25 games.
- Ohio State and Virginia Tech are meeting for the first time Saturday.
- Ohio State has won 35 consecutive home openers; the last loss coming in 1978 to Penn State.
- The Buckeyes are 112-8-4 all-time in home openers since 1890.
- Ohio State is 39-22 all-time in night games (games 5 p.m. or later) and have won its last five night games at Ohio Stadium.
- Ohio State has not lost a night game at Ohio Stadium since 2009 (USC).
- Ohio State is 74-7 overall at Ohio Stadium since the start of the 2002 season.
- Ohio State has won 64 consecutive regular-season home games against unranked, non-conference opponents. The last loss: 34-17 to Florida State, Oct. 2, 1982.
- Redshirt freshman QB J.T. Barrett was named the Big Ten co-Freshman of the Week for his performance in the win vs. Navy.
- Head coach Urban Meyer is 48-4 in his career in games played in August/September.
HOLY SCARY STATISTICS, BATMAN!
Can we also mention that their stadium has been outfitted to seat 104,944? AND, they are expecting to have a record crowd Saturday night?
We have a few things going for us:
1. Shay McKenzie was the ACC Rookie of the Week, with 106 yards on 9 carries, including a TD. (The spouse has proclaimed him the starter, FYI)
2. Ohio State is featuring J.T. Barrett, a redshirt Freshman, in the QB slot. Inexperience is good, very good, for Bud.
3. Ohio's run defense was crap against Navy, giving up 370 yards. McKenzie? Check.
Speaking of JT...
Dear Mr. JT,
I, The B.S.C., have thought of a perfect karaoke song for you and the boys. See below, with my notes in italics.
Bud sings:
Mr. JT, now, what you got for me?
Mr. JT, now, what you got for me?
Mr. JT, now, what you got for me?
Mr. JT, now, what you got, what you got?
Mr. JT, now, what you got for me?
Mr. JT, now, what you got for me?
Mr. JT, now, what you got, what you got?
Mr. JT, now, what you got for me?
Mr. JT, now, what you got for me?
Mr. JT, now, what you got for me?
Mr. JT, now, what you got?
Mr. JT, now, what you got for me?
Mr. JT, now, what you got for me?
Mr. JT, now, what you got?
You sing:
You're sneaky, from the corner of my eye
I saw you eyeing me, I know that you're watching
Tell me, what would you do if I encouraged you
To get next to me, when nobody's watching?
I saw you eyeing me, I know that you're watching
Tell me, what would you do if I encouraged you
To get next to me, when nobody's watching?
Bud sings:
The way your body keeps moving
Is something that makes me weak
Let's start our own little secrets
For just you and me to keep
Too late to come or shy now
You've already gone this far
Is something that makes me weak
Let's start our own little secrets
For just you and me to keep
Too late to come or shy now
You've already gone this far
Beamer and Urban Meyer sing:
So, baby make your move, take charge
(Ooh)
Show me what you got for me
(Ooh)
Show me what you got for me
Oh no, girl
Is that your hands rubbing on me?
Oh no, girl
Is that your hands feeling on me?
Oh no, girl
Is that your hands rubbing on me?
If so, girl
If that's your hands, then tell me
What you got for me?
Is that your hands rubbing on me?
Oh no, girl
Is that your hands feeling on me?
Oh no, girl
Is that your hands rubbing on me?
If so, girl
If that's your hands, then tell me
What you got for me?
You sing:
Baby, I can tell that you want to do more
Than just dance with me and I don't mind you flirting
But honestly, do you really wanna spend
The whole night passing looks at me?
(Looks at me) (You look at Bud)
Come over here and get to working
Than just dance with me and I don't mind you flirting
But honestly, do you really wanna spend
The whole night passing looks at me?
(Looks at me) (You look at Bud)
Come over here and get to working
Bud sings:
The way your body keeps moving
Is something that makes me weak
(Makes me weak)
Let's start our own little secrets
(Yeah)
For just you and me to keep
(Us to keep)
Too late to come or shy now
You've already gone this far
Is something that makes me weak
(Makes me weak)
Let's start our own little secrets
(Yeah)
For just you and me to keep
(Us to keep)
Too late to come or shy now
You've already gone this far
Beamer and Urban Meyer sing:
So, baby make your move, take charge
(Ooh)
Show me what you got for me
(Ooh)
Show me what you got for me
Oh no, girl
Is that your hands rubbing on me?
Oh no, girl
Is that your hands feeling on me?
Oh no, girl
Is that your hands rubbing on me?
If so, girl
If that's your hands, then tell me
What you got for me?
Is that your hands rubbing on me?
Oh no, girl
Is that your hands feeling on me?
Oh no, girl
Is that your hands rubbing on me?
If so, girl
If that's your hands, then tell me
What you got for me?
Everyone sings:
Oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh
What you got?
Oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh
What you got?
Oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh
What you got?
Oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh
What you got?
Oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh
What you got?
Oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh
What you got?
Oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh
Oh no
(Oh no)
(Oh no)
Beamer and Urban Meyer sing:
Is that your hands rubbing on me?
(Your hands)
Oh no
(No)
Is that your hands feeling on me?
(Your hands)
Is that your hands rubbing on me?
(Your hands)
Oh no
(No)
Is that your hands feeling on me?
(Your hands)
Oh no, girl
Is that your hands rubbing on me?
(Your hands, rubbing on me)
If so, girl
If that's your hands, then tell me
(If that's your hands)
What you got for me?
Is that your hands rubbing on me?
(Your hands, rubbing on me)
If so, girl
If that's your hands, then tell me
(If that's your hands)
What you got for me?
Everyone sings:
Oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh
What you got?
Oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh
What you got?
Oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh
What you got?
Oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh
What you got?
Oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh
What you got?
Oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh
What you got?
Oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh
Oh no, your hands feeling on me
Oh no, your hands rubbing on me
Oh no, your hands rubbing on me
I hope you like it. Good luck on Saturday! Try not to get your jersey dirty.
Love,
The B.S.C.
In Bud we must TRUST this week. Defense is going to be our key to the game. If we can keep them from scoring, then we have a chance to let our RBs try to move the ball down the field.
Since Ohio State has shamefully mocked
- 1. a North American tree or shrub related to the horse chestnut, with showy yellow, red, or white flowers.
OR
- 2.an orange and brown New World butterfly with conspicuous eyespots on the wings.
with its mascot, I will not refer to them by that name. It's either Ohio State or That Team From Columbus.
Let's see how many times we hear He Who Shall Not Be Named during this broadcast. We all know the Worldwide Loser in Sports doesn't do its game prep.
Love What You Got Oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh,
The B.S. C.
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