Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance... and the Sugar Bowl

One thing is clear from watching the game on Saturday: Herbie hates us.  In fact, I think he hates college football.  Maybe he thinks he's too good for college football.  He likes to say things like, "That's a typical play in college football."  Herbie, if it makes you feel any better, I think you should move on to announce for pro games, too.  I just don't want to hear you announce at any Virginia Tech game again.  It's like having Aikman in the booth for a Redskins game.  Maybe you could get a job with the Colts, Herbie.  They may be hiring.

Not that the worldwide crapper in sports did any better with Musburger.  AN-TWANNE Exum?  If you look at page 4 in the game notes, the pronunciation guide clearly states "AN-tone".  I know, it's a whole 38 pages of reading in order to prepare for a game.  That must be tough, Musburger.  But, you know what?  It's kind of your job.  If you can't read 38 pages, I still expect you to flip to the pronunciation guide to make it at least sound like you read it.

THE SEVEN THINGS I LEARNED ON SATURDAY NIGHT:
1. I totally missed the whole two-tiger thing the first time we played the Tony the Tigers.  They have "Tiger" and "Cub".  I believe one had a "1/2" on his jersey, and the other had a "0".  Shouldn't one have a "1" if the other is going to have "1/2"?  Half of zero is zero.  I mean, I wasn't a math major, but even I can figure that one out.  I thought Clemson was one of the "smarter" schools. 
2. Apparently, in the world of expert ACC officiating, it is fine to throw Danny Coale to the ground after he is out of bounds if you put your hands up afterward, acting like you did nothing.  Shouldn't the fact that the kid puts his hands up be the first clue that he MIGHT have done something he thinks he shouldn't have?  Nope.  Apparently not.  Lesson learned.
3. Andre Branch (traitor from VA) looks an awful lot like Evander Holyfield.  Scary.

4. If Sammy Watkins is the best player on the field, why didn't he get the ACC Offensive Player of the Year?  Hmm?  (That one is directed at that fine ESPN crew.)  Oh, wait!  The guy who got that award IS on the field.  His name is David Wilson.

5. There were a lot of Keystone Light and Lexus commercials.  Exactly who do you think is in your demographic, ESPN?  Or, are you simply trying to make sure you offer something for everyone?  If so, I hope the Tech fans lean more towards the Lexus demographic...because I don't think I ever saw anyone drink Keystone Light in Blacksburg.  I'm guessing that was for the Tony the Tiger fans.

6. "Trickeration", no matter how many times it is said or who says it, is STILL NOT A WORD.

7. The ACC Championship is pretty much a bowl game for us, and thus, we perform like we are in a bowl game.  It's either really good... or simply horrendous.  Unfortunately, we took the latter route in the second half of the game. 

I'm glad we aren't going to the Orange Bowl.  I am not going to miss meeting the Hillbillies in a bowl game.  We need to play them every year, but not in a bowl game.  We fizzle too much in bowl games, and a loss to WVU would be unbearable.  We still had an awesome season.  There's just one team that has our number, that's it.  The Giraffe, minus the fumble on our first offensive play of the game, did well.  The Tony the Tigers just managed to stop Wilson, and that killed us.  And, well, Tajh Boyd decided to show up.  With our D all banged up and Hosley leaving the game early, we were toast.

It was a sad game.  I know how you feel.  But, wasn't Danny Coale's punting pretty incredible??  I mean, he did have one really bad one, but the one in the 2nd quarter that was 59 yards and trapped the Tigers at the 2 was pretty awesome.  Punter, Punt-returner, Wide Receiver... oh, how we'll miss you next year Danny Coale!!

We can't sulk too long.  Chalk this one up to, well, the ups and downs of being a Hokie fan.  We can't win every ACC Championship, no matter how much we deserve it.  So, take whatever time you need to sulk and get over this one.  Eat cookies.  Drink egg-nog.  Watch "A Christmas Story".  Just don't shoot your eye out.

Before we start to think about how fantastic The Giraffe is going to be next year, we have one more thing to do.  THE SUGAR BOWL.  Can you flippin' believe it??  I didn't even watch the bowl crap.  I figured we were off to yet another Cincinnati, oops, I mean Chik-fil-a, bowl.  But somehow, the football gods decided that the Hokies were deserving of the ACC's first EVER at-large BCS bowl bid.  That also means that the ACC will be sending two teams to BCS bowl games for the first time EVER.  Why did we get that bowl bid?  Because of you and because of me.  Virginia Tech travels well, as they say.  We support our team and we support them well.  We'll fill up the stadium and we'll watch the game on tv.  Don't think that we didn't have something to do with this bid.  Our football team needs this game for confidence.  The Giraffe really needs this game after losing twice to the Tony the Tigers.  But we're a big reason for the bowl upgrade, which means, you better start looking for tickets if you can. 

We'll be facing Michigan and all the Denard Robinson we can handle down in Nawlins.  Thinking of running for a dark corner?  Don't go there just yet.  Let's see who we can get back on D before this game, and you know Bud will dial up something spectacular for us.  Just invest in some beads and try to forget our last trip there... and I will try to stop having the nightmares of the 26-hour Amtrak ride from DC to Nawlins with the fans from Lynchburg who said "Slllliiiiiiiiiiddddddeeeellllllllllllll" every 15 minutes because they were listening to some radio station from there.  Ick.  Still makes me shudder. 

Take a breather and sulk.  Go through your five stages of grief and I'll see you on the other side when we're all ready for a bowl-game warm-up.

Love at-large bids that can give me short-term memory loss,

The B.S.C.

Payback's a B-- Bad Word

I'm over our ranking.  A week of sulking and eating chocolate chip cookies has perked me up and now I'm ready for happiness and sunshine again.  What can be better than the ACC Championship game?  And it's sponsored by one of the best drinks in the world, Dr. Pepper!  It's just what the Doctor ordered for my sulking.  And, it tastes good with Captain Morgan, FYI.  I, of course, have had to ban the Captain from my cabinet after a horrible incident involving shots many, many years ago.  But, it was still a tasty beverage.  I highly recommend it if you'll be riding this one out on the couch with me on Saturday.

We're back in our home away from home: The NC.  Not to be confused with the OC... but similar in that there will be a lot of Clemson fans there who think they are better than they really are. 

Dear Mr. Swinney,
Oh Dabo!  What happened, buddy??  You all were so pumped up at the beginning of the season... and now, well, now you are pretty darn lucky to still be ranked, AND, you are lucky to be playing us in the ACC Championship game.  We took that horrendous loss on October 1st (see Frostbite, Failure... and Fireworks? if you need a little reminder) and have won 7 consecutive games.  You Tony the Tigers, on the other hand, have won 4 and lost 3 - to Georgia Tech (understandable), NC State (a little more painful) and South Carolina (wow, that one must have really hurt).  If you look at my post pre-October 1st (see It's All in the Numbers), you can tell that I was afraid of you.  But you know what, Dabo?  Who's afraid now? 

We lost 3-23 on that fateful October night.  It was rainy.  It was freezing.  My toes are still recovering from the frostbite scare and I still have nightmares every once in a while about the Super 8.  We were at home and we looked "inept".  It was the defining moment of our season.  Second-half Giraffe made it the defining moment of his college career.  Do you remember the Miami game?  That's how I know it was our defining moment.  We didn't let it ruin us like the Boise State game did last season (not that last season was bad, but we did lose to JMU).  I know it's cliche, but we ARE a different team now. 

Dear Logan Thomas,
I have evaluated your in-season play and have decided that you are no longer the "Second-half Giraffe" or the "First-half Giraffe".  You have graduated to simply, "The Giraffe".  Congrats, buddy.  You deserve it.  Thanks for deciding that this whole QB-gig could be a good thing.  Keep on hitting 'em hard and falling forward on the third-and-shorts.  Thanks!

Need more proof that the October 1st hideousness was pretty much in another lifetime?  Let's round up a few things that prove our awesomeness:

1. Danny Coale was awarded the ACC's James Tatum Award.  He's the first Hokie to ever receive it.  He graduated in the fall of 2010 with a degree in Finance (with a 3.3 GPA), and he is now going for his second undergraduate degree in Marketing Management.  The award is given to the ACC's top scholar-athlete.  Coale, the man of many hats, is also a member of SEED at Tech.  It is a student group that manages the $4.3 million Virginia Tech Foundation.  It's the largest student-run investment portfolio.  Did I mention how bad our punting was on October 1st?  You know how we fixed that?  D. Coale.  I'm gonna miss him so much next year... it's not even funny.
2. David Wilson, the BEAST, was named the ACC Offensive and Overall Player of the Year.  He's 5th in the nation in yards per game, and well, we've all seen the back flips.  Tyrod got the award last year, and Bryan Randall got it in 2004.  Wilson is in good company.
3. Blake DeChristopher and David Wilson were named to the All-ACC 1st Team.  Jaymes Brooks, The Giraffe, James Gayle, Jayron Hosley, and Eddie Whitley were all named to the 2nd Team.  Getting Honorable Mentions were J.R. Collins, Antone Exum, Cody Journell (yeah, I know what you're thinking), Greg Nosal (our own Bear Grylls), and Bruce Taylor.  I hope that Bruuuuuuce was stuck in this category either due to his age or his injury, but the fact that he only got an honorable mention is ridiculous.
4. Blake DeChristopher is the 2011 ACC Jacobs Blocking Trophy recipient.  He's also the first Hokie to receive this award.  It is given to the most outstanding blocker in the ACC.  DeChristopher has started for us 4 years, is 6'5", and weighs 312 pounds.  He's pretty awesome, too.
5. Try to keep a poker face for this one: Stiney is a nominee for the 2011 Broyles Award for the top assistant coach in college football.  (Sorry, that makes me gag a little.  At least he's out of the booth.)

The ACC title is so close you can taste it.  It tastes a lot like Dr. Pepper for some reason.  This is our 5th trip to the ACC title game.  Both Boykin and Eddie Whitley are from Charlotte, so look for big things from them tomorrow.  Boykin needs just 2 catches to break the season pass reception record for Tech which is currently held by another awesome Hokie, Ernest Wilford.  Wilford had 55 in 2003.

During our last meeting against the Tony the Tigers, we were ranked 11th and they were 13th.  Now we are 5th (sorry, excuse the gag reflex) and they are lucky to be 20th.  Ohhh, how times have changed!  What is left of the burnt orange and northwest purple?  Did you try the chutney recipe?  "Tiger Rag" is still lame.  Littlejohn Stadium is still hilarious.  And "Death Valley" is still ridiculous.  But can Mike O'Cain step up this time and beat his alma mater?  QB Tajh Boyd is having issues.  WR Sammy Watkins is still good, but can't do much if Boyd decides to not show up.  RB Ellington is having a decent season, but I don't see him doing much with our D.  So, where does that leave us?

Payback.  It's that dirty 7-letter word that Dabo is dreading and Boyd is having nightmares about.  I'm glad we lost to them this season.  We needed it.  The Giraffe needed it.  Now it's on.  Now we know how to bring it, regardless of how many injuries we have or how crappy and inconsistent our play-calling is.  It's funny how they got our colors right this time on their game notes.  Remember how last time they left the colors on for Florida State?  I guess that's what #5 in the nation gets you... Respect.  This game is ours.  I can feel it.  If you can't feel it, you need to find the youtube video from the last couple of minutes from the Miami game, and then you'll be OK.

We eat our own on game day.  No one says ass-kicking turkeys don't also eat Tiger.  I think they do.  I'm not looking for a dark corner.  I'm going to play Enter Sandman and jump on my own, because as far as the team is concerned, this is a home game.  This is punishment for the misery of October 1st. This is the way Hokies say "thank-you" for season-defining moments. 

By the way, did you see Jack Tyler last Saturday?  I don't know where he's been hiding, but he reminded me of Cody Grimm.  I'd love to see more of him tomorrow.

Let's do this thing.  Game faces on.  Enter Sandman ready on the mp3 or computer.  Let's show the BCS what we're made of.

Go Giraffe!

Love seven-letter words,
The B.S.C.

I Hate the BCS

I know.  It's Tuesday.  But I am still mad over the stupid BCS rankings.  Still incredibly mad.  Seriously?  We blow out the #24 team in the country (yes, yes, in some polls), and who does Stanford beat?  Notre Dame.  Notre Dame was #22 in the BCS and AP, and #24 in USA Today.  Michigan State is the best team Notre Dame has played all year, yet somehow they are in the top 25.  I honestly don't know who I hate more at the moment: Stanford or Notre Dame.

Why is Notre Dame so flippin' important?  They haven't been worth squat anytime in my memory.  Why do they get so much respect?  You know, we've earned respect. Beamer has been building our program for 25 years!  25 long, grueling years.  And what do we get for it?  Zilch.  We beat our ranked in-state rival and Stanford jumps over us in the polls.  You've got to be kidding me.

And we didn't just beat the Boo Hoos.  Stanford just "beat" ND 28-14.  We kicked ass and we took names!  Not that I would ever consider Hoo-ville to have any sort of home-field advantage, but we held them to a big, fat GOOSE EGG.  Can you tell I'm a little peeved?

Bud was a beast.  I mean, really... a beast.  Think of all the new starters on D, all the young kids, and they didn't score a point.  Not one.  I know, I know.  They could have kicked a field goal or two.  But hey, that's London's choice.  Not our problem that the man thought he could wage an upset over the Giraffe.  Over Bud.  Over Beamer.  Apparently, he hasn't realized exactly what team he's coaching yet.

We stand 6th in the AP, still 5th in the BCS, and 4th in USA Today.  BCS bastards.  You know why we got leap-frogged?  Andrew Luck.  Could we beat him?  Yes.  I really hope there's some sort of shake-up in the top 4.  If we could meet Stanford in a bowl game, that would be awesome.  Right now we're slated to play the Hillbillies in the Orange bowl.  I think we could do a little better than that.

Did you see how scary-good we are?  This is exciting.  Next year is going to be awesome. 

Dear David Wilson,
Do not (I repeat: DO NOT) go into the NFL draft early.  Do you see how well that worked for Evans and Williams?  Play your 4 years and then leave.  We will love you forever if you can do that for us.

Well, that's about all I have to say through the anger.  Seeing a Hoo in body paint is just odd, isn't it?  Their feeble attempt to look like real college football fans was destroyed by the sea of khakis and collared shirts in the stands.  Good thing we taught ol' TJ how to dress.  We're off to show Clemson just how different we are since the last time we saw them.  I'm pretty sure we'll show them how pissed that loss made us, even though we've become a better team because of it.

Love hating Andrew Luck and Notre Dame,
The B.S.C.

An Ode to Seuss

Every Hoo
Down in Hoo-ville
Liked orange and blue ties and khakis a lot...

But the Hokies,
Who lived in Heaven in Blacksburg,
Did NOT!

The Hokies hate orange and blue ties!  The Hoos should be tried for treason!
Now, you don't have to ask why.  We all know the reason.
It could be that the Hokies are ranked 5th in the country and their second 11-win season in school history was about to feel right.
It could be, perhaps, that they thought wearing loafers on game day was a pitiful sight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that the Hokies love the orange and maroon of football season, which of course is in Fall.

But,
Whatever the reason,
Their colors or their shoes,
The Hokies stood there on game day, hating the Hoos.
Driving over from Blacksburg, Bud gave a frown
At dual-threat Perry Jones who's the best Hoo in town.
And Bud knew that QB Michael Rocco and RB Kevin Parks were pretty good too,
But Bud had a plan of just what his Defense should do.

"We have to take away their big plays!" Bud snarled with a sneer.
"They go for the big ones!  Our time to defend the Commonwealth Cup is finally here!"
Then he growled about receivers Tim Smith and Kris Burd, furiously chewing his gum,
"I will make them wish for Al Groh!  I'll make their offense look dumb!"
For, today, Bud knew...

... All the Hoo girls and boys
Would wake up bright and early.  They'd study some Russian and and gel up their hair!
And then!  Oh what they'll WEAR!  Oh, what they wear!  Wear!  Wear!
That's what the Hokies all hated!  What they WEAR!  WEAR!  WEAR! WEAR!

The Hoos also had a good Defense.  12 interceptions is pretty beast.
But their leading scorer was their field-goal kicker, which all the Hoos liked the least.
For it's embarrassing for your leading scorer to be the kicker, to be the team beast,
And his preppy name, Robert Randolph, is what the Hokies liked the least.

And THEN
There was the fact that the winner of the game would win the ACC Coastal Division!
The winner would play for the ACC championship, something the Hokies could envision.
The Hokies weren't scared of Clemson anymore after they got their butts handed to them by NC State.
The Hokies knew they could beat Clemson, a team they still hate.

The Hoos thought they could take on the Hokies.  For the first time since 2007, the Hoos were ranked!
But the Hokies knew that it just depended on what poll you looked at, that their their butts would be spanked!
Why do the Hoos like to write their school name with a big "UV" and a small, little "a"?
The Hokies thought that was dorky, and well, a little gay.

Since Al Groh, the Hoos have been coached by a London named Mike.
He's gotten the Hoos ranked the fastest of any coach down in Hoo-ville, which the Hoos really like!
But what is a Wahoo, anyway, the Hokies wondered and thought?
Oh!  It's a tasty fish.  Hokies like to eat tasty fish... a LOT!

"I don't hate ALL Hoos!" Bud yelled with glee.
"I like the Northern Hemisphere Hoodie-Hoo Day and Yoo-Hoo and Hoo Haven!"
"I like Hoo-Hoo International and Wah-Hoo Detroit, whose General Tso I've been cravin'!"
"There's Hoo's Woods and the Hoo-Ahhs... so many Hoos I could pee!"
"Ah, who am I kidding?  All Hoos suck."  All the Hokies agree.

So Bud got an idea!
A wonderful idea!
BUD
GOT AN AWESOME, WONDERFUL IDEA!

"We'll take them down with the Giraffe and my D!" Bud laughed in his throat.
And he made up a defensive scheme of which he could gloat.
And he chuckled and he clucked.  "What a great Hokie trick!"
"With my plan and the Giraffe, no matter what Stiney does, our team will look slick!"

So, the Hoos, who barely know of Bud Foster or blue jeans and t-shirts, or Natty Light,
Have no idea what is coming, drinking their pinot and white zinfandel, they're obviously not bright.
The Hokies OWN EXIT 118B.  No one cares that Hoo-ville has one TOO!
The Hoos say, "We have Thomas Jefferson!".  Is that all you've got?  Boo Hoo!  Boo Hoo!

So what happens next...?
Well...in Hoo-ville they say
That their blue and orange striped ties
Will live on for another game day!
But Bud and the Hokies know that the Hoos are in for a fright.
Bud's Defense will be scary.  It will be quite a sight.
And Bud hates loafers!  Like all Hokies do!
And he...

...HE HIMSELF...!
Bud made some dried Wahoo for game day, for something to chew!

Love The Doctor,
The B.S.C.

P.S. Hudson and the Hoo Doo Cats are pretty snazzy.

High Fives All Around

It's hard to write a new post on Fridays, so I enabled procrastination by saying that I'll wait for the BCS standings to come out on Sunday.  In the meantime, I was trying to come up with all sorts of catchy names for our movement up the BCS ladder: Seven is Heaven, Seven Up... OK, so I wasn't feeling very creative this week. 

Then the rankings came out.  Five?  REALLY?  We're #5 in the nation?  Wow.  It has taken me until Monday night to get over this.  I really never thought we'd be here.  I know Beamer always manages to squeak out a respectable season, but after that loss to Clemson, I thought we were looking at a 3-4 loss season.  Apparently, I was wrong.  Gladly wrong.

Beamer now has win #250 under his belt and we have our 8th CONSECUTIVE 10-win season.  After that first horrendous turnover on our first offensive play that resulted in a BBL score, we managed to settle down and just hang in there.  We're still the lab partner, but someone might ask us to Homecoming.  It's kinda exciting, isn't it?  Even if it's a dork, it's still a date.

There are a handful of things we all should have learned from this game:
1. Second-half Giraffe rocks whenever he shows up.  I love him.  I know you love him.  He wasn't wicked-good Thursday night, but I think he's saving it for the Hoos down in Hooville this Saturday.
2. White is not a slimming color for a football jersey (and some would argue, barely even a color).  The BBL defensive lineman looked HUGE in their uniforms, and I'm not saying muscular.  It wasn't pretty.  Not pretty at all.
3. For an orange jersey, we looked decent.  I almost liked our look with the maroon helmet.  I'm still not a fan of orange jerseys, but you have to admit that it's better for us to wear the color and win than to say that it's tainted.  It is an official school color, so we all just need to get over it.
4. Thank you, ESPN, for reminding me the one thing I learned while taking "Rocks for Jocks" (aka, Geology) to fulfill my science requirement.  Hokie Stone is indeed a type of limestone.  I was told it was dolostone.  I might be making that up, though.  It was a lab class involving just rocks.  It was a little difficult to stay focused.
5. The BBL field goal kicker is awful.  Thank you, God.
6. It was senior night for Boykin and Coale.  Just try not to think about it.  It makes me really, really sad.  The kind of sad that only Williams-Sonoma peppermint bark can fix.

Turkey day is coming up.  It's OUR holiday, the unofficial holiday of Virginia Tech.  We eat our mascot and we love it.  I hope you have a good one.  Relax, eat, watch football, and think about all the ways we can hurt UVA on Saturday.

So, well, that's about it for tonight's post.  I still don't know what to say about being ranked #5.  Our name is now mentioned in the same paragraph as the National Championship.  It's not going to happen this year... but maybe, just maybe, the Giraffe could send us there next year??  This is a pretty darn exciting time to be a Hokie fan.  Give every person in your office a high five for your Hokies.  You don't need to tell them what it's for, just do it!

Dear ESPN sideline chick,
At the end of the game, you gave Beamer, FRANK BEAMER, the stiff arm.  On camera.  The man just acquired win #250 and you gave him the Heisman.  You are forever reporter trash to this blog.  REPORTER TRASH.

Love that we can show our BCS ranking on one hand,
The B.S.C.

Eight is Great!

Can you smell that?  It smells like Thursday night football.  The air is crisp, the game snacks are in the fridge, and we are ranked #8 in the BCS.  Ohh, the number eight just feels good, doesn't it?  It's like a Swedish massage or a cup of coffee in the morning.  Cozy.  Warm.  Delicious.

We're #9 in the AP poll and #7 in the USA Today poll.  Do we care about those other 2 polls?  Negative.  It doesn't really matter anyway; they still average out to 8.  EIGHT.  I'm really liking #8.  Can you tell?

Thursday night football is fun, regardless of the fact that you have to drag yourself into work on Friday.  We'll see if the worldwide loser in sports decided to take my advice and borrow the clip of Wilson's pimp-ride from Comcast.  Maybe they'll just talk about Wilson and his back flips again.  And again.  And again.  Oh well, even ESPN can't get me down today.

We're up against an interesting UNC team.  I'm not sure what to call them.  They are so snooty that they have claimed the term "Carolina" for themselves, like there's no other college within the two states.  Their official nickname is the "tar heels", which is thought to have come from the tar that is produced from all the pine trees in the state.    Their mascot is Rameses, the ram.  Yet, the live version of Rameses is actually a Horned Dorset Sheep.  Note to evil Jim Weaver (our athletic director): please do not purchase a live turkey for us to parade around on game day.  It would probably end up being some sort of chicken that other schools could mock.  I don't know why schools insist on having a live mascot that isn't even the proper animal.  We saw it with Herpy, and now we're seeing it with Rameses.  Plus, the fluffy version of Rameses doesn't even have horns that match the poor sheep.  See below.

Someone call PETA!  He looks so sad and embarrassed.  Do you know what Horned Dorset Sheep are known for?  Prolific lambing.  Yes, you heard me right.  Prolific... lambing.  Rameses up there doesn't look like he's in the mood for lambing right now.  I don't think any other sheep would want to lamb with him, either.  So, I believe their official Exit 118B nickname is obvious.  To honor the official school colors of Carolina blue and white (did anyone start a petition for black yet?), they shall forever be known as the Baby Blue Lambs (BBLs).  This is pretty funny.  We need something like this for the Hokie bird.

FYI, you aren't too late to see Carolina Blue live in concert.  Their last show of the season is this Saturday, 11/19 at the Feed & Seed in Fletcher, NC, at 7:30.

Although all that talk about horny sheep is funny, that isn't really what makes the BBLs interesting.  In 2006, Butch Davis pretty much put their football program on the map.  Yeah, yeah, I know this is a big basketball school, but their football program is nothing to sneeze at anymore.  This isn't Duke.  Yet, in July, the BBLs fired Davis.  He was accused of ruining the school's reputation among allegations of NCAA violations.  None of the violations were specifically linked to Davis, but hey, you gotta fire someone, right (e.g. Joe Pa)?  So, serving as interim head coach is former defensive coordinator Everett Withers (yes, that's his real name).  In his first season, the BBLs are 6-4, 2-4 in the ACC.  Thanks to Davis, the team is decent.  Very decent.

Let's pause here to just talk about the elephant in the room.  BBL fans are annoying (SHOUT OUT to my brother-in-law!).  They are the Miami fans of North Carolina.  I understand that you have to pick Duke or UNC when you live in the state.  I mean, I kinda understand that.  I just don't understand how you can go to one school, but be so passionate for another.  What about the school you actually attended?  Don't get me wrong, you are allowed to marry into loving a school.  You could simply have family members who go/have gone there.  That's perfectly acceptable.  But, when you have no other link to the school other than the fact that you live in the same state... it's just... annoying.  You BBLs are just like Miami fans who jumped on the U bandwagon when the football team was in its prime (aka, full 'o felons).  Sorry to rant on this.  It's a pet peeve.

Back to business!  The BBLs are coming off a bye week and have a good D.  We are second in the ACC with our run D, and the BBLs are third.  Their RB, r-freshman Giovani Bernard, is third in the ACC in yards per game.  Sophomore QB Bryn Renner is 7th in the nation in pass efficiency.  Which brings me to the weekly poo list.

BBLs from Virginia:
Nick Appel - Vienna
Russell Bodine - Scottsville
Curtis Campbell - Chesapeake
Travis Hughes - Virginia Beach
Bryn Renner - West Springfield
Tim Scott - Fredericksburg
London Turner - Harrisonburg

Not only is QB Bryn Renner from VA, but his father played football at Tech from 1979-1982.  He was a punter, and went on to play in the NFL for the Packers. 

In all fairness, we have 3 coaches with links to the BBLs.  Billy Hite played as a BBL from 1970-1973.  He also coached the RBs from 1974-1977.  Jim Cavanaugh was the receivers coach from 1988-1995.  And, our buddy up in the booth, Mike O'Cain, was the offensive coordinator for the BBLs in 2000.

WR Dwight Jones has 913 receiving yards and wants to become the second player in BBL history to reach 1000.  Who is the other player, you ask?  He may be on your fantasy bench: Hakeem Nicks (1,222 yards in 2008).

Look for Quinton Coples to pressure Second-half Giraffe all game.  If our O-line is consistent and does as well as it did last week, we'll be fine. 

The BBLs are coming off a 13-0 butt-kicking from NC State.  Maybe NC State was mad at the whole "Carolina" thing.  I don't know.  But they had an extra week to either get mad, or let the shut-out ruin the rest of their season.  What is important for us is that we need to come out strong (cue Second-half Giraffe) and score early.  When I say early, I know Stiney might think I mean the third quarter.  This would be incorrect.  We need to score in the first quarter.  In the BBL's 6 wins this season, they out-scored opponents 49-0 in the first quarter.  If we can get some points on the board early, we should be fine.  We also need to establish the running game against this good D.  I'm sure Stiney has all sorts of ideas for this...which makes me want to cry a little.

This is Enter Sandman at its finest.  Thursday night in Lane Stadium.  Football weather.  This is payback for the 2009 loss, 20-17, at home against the BBLs on another Thursday night.  If that doesn't say, "Give 'em hell, Bud!" to you, I don't know what does.

The Giraffe is getting more confident every game.  Let's see how wicked-good he can be tonight.

Love hand-painted baby blue horns,
The B.S.C.

Was It The Same Old Gold, or The Same Old Groh?

I am so embarrassed!  I missed it.  I was so bored reading the game notes for the Gahs that I totally blanked out and forgot the most important, most interesting thing about the football program.  I apologize profusely.  You deserve much better "reporting" than this.  I will make sure I never make this mistake again.  It's so embarrassing.  So, so embarrassing...

There HE was, in all his turtleneck and sweatshirt glory - the man, the myth, the legend: AL GROH.  Ohhhh!  How I've missed him!  Haven't you missed him?  All I could think of was how many turtlenecks he must have in his wardrobe.  And, why oh why, ESPN, couldn't you show a full-length shot of him?!  I needed to see if the sweatshirt was tucked in.  I NEEDED to know!  UGH.  It's painful not knowing.  Like Baldwin, Jr., it will remain a mystery.  If you were there and saw him, please let me know what his sweatshirt looked like.  Pictures would be excellent!  I still can't believe I missed him.  I could have built my whole pre-game article around him.  Al is the Gah's defensive coordinator, of course.  No one even mentions that he used to be the head coach at UVA.  It's like it's taboo to say that someone got fired or really sucked at their previous job.  Stupid announcers!  Oh well, they said he was scared of David Wilson all week, which is pretty funny, considering Wilson had a career-high 175 yards last night. 

Dear Al,
     How's it going there in Atlanta, Al?  Is the weather nicer than in Charlottesville?  How do you feel about getting demoted from a head coach to a coordinator?  You know, for all the worrying you did in regards to the best rusher in the nation, it doesn't appear that you did anything at all to stop him.  He had the best night of his career.  His CAREER, Al!  Isn't that embarrassing?  What exactly do you do during the week?  How do you continue to get jobs?  I am officially baffled by you and your contribution to football.  Keep it up!  I love playing against any team you touch. 

Hugs and kisses,
The B.S.C.

P.S.  Did you tuck in your sweatshirt last night?  Just wondering...

David Wilson is a beast.  I don't even miss those other two guys who left us last year.  Though, if an announcer said one more thing about Wilson doing back flips or the triple jump, or whatever, I was going to lose it.  Find something more interesting to talk about!  Borrow the clip of Wilson's car from Comcast or something, geez!  Again, the U of sports broadcasting.  Enough said.

Why isn't anyone talking about Wilson for Heisman??  I mean, come on!  He's leading the nation in rushing yards.  Why don't we get any respect? 

Speaking of respect, what was up with #45, Attachou?  How stupid can you be?  Why in the world would he try to punch the Giraffe in the head during a play?  He killed the Gahs.  He should be suspended for at least one game.  Did Al teach him to do that?  It was really classy like tucking in your sweatshirt.  Plus, you know, punching at a helmet with your fist is always a good bet.  I'm sure he's on the Dean's list.

Second-half Giraffe, regardless of people trying to punch and tackle him, was a beast just like Wilson.  Second-half Giraffe played the whole entire 4 quarters!  I never thought that I was going to have a stroke or a heart attack.  Nothing!  I actually felt confident in him!  It was amazing!  The QB keeper is his best play- let's all just admit it.  He rocks at it.  And, of course, until he gets hurt doing it, we can all say that the way he tries to take out tacklers when he's running is bad-ass.  Can you imagine him next year?  In two years??  You should be trembling with excitement!

We played a solid game on all sides of the ball.  Our offensive line really paved the way for Wilson's huge game.  On D, I think we did a good job.  You can't hold the stupid option, triple or spread or whatever made-up word you want to use for it, to nothing.  We did respectably.  Beamer only looked like he was going to hurl at a couple penalties.  All in all, we looked like a flippin' top 10 football team. 

So, now we've won 12 straight road games and this was win 249 for Beamer.  Doesn't it feel good to have a game like that on a Thursday night?  Your friends from other ACC schools just can't say anything bad about us.  You, on the other hand, can mock both Gah fans and UVA fans, for just their prior association with Groh.  This is going to be a great weekend! 

Up next we face UNC at home on yet another Thursday night!  Ohhh, how I wish I was going to be there!  How far can we go in the polls?  Let's just see how Saturday plays out for the 9 teams above us.  I'm thinking we can gain a little this week.

Oh, and before I forget, there are two ridiculous things that need to be brought to your attention:
1. UVA is in contention to be on top of the Coastal Division; and
2. Jazz fingers are a great idea for big third downs while your team is on D.  Yes, doing something silent is an excellent idea.  Did Al teach you to do that, or did you learn that from Occupy-whatever? 

Love putting old gold in its place,
The B.S.C.

Another Dose of Old Gold

In doing my research for this week's post, I have realized something very, very important: Georgia Tech bores me.  No, no... not the football team.  The football team makes me want to pee in my pants.  The school itself is boring.  The traditions, the acronyms... everything is just, well... dull. 

The Gah-Techs are made up of our favorite, old gold, and white.  Seriously?  White?  Only a group of engineers would pick white as a school color.  I looked it up - white is actually a color.  But I'm in the group that thinks black should be a color and not white.  Someone start a petition!  What is it with old gold, anyway?  It looks more like yellow to me.

The Gah-Techs have two official mascots: the Ramblin' Wreck and Buzz, the yellow jacket.  The Ramblin' Wreck is a Ford Model A, which drives out onto the field, and Buzz, of course, is the cheerleader dressed up in a hornet costume.  Hey man, I'm not making this stuff up.  Buzz try-outs occur at the same time as cheerleader try-outs because he (or she) is officially part of the cheerleading squad.  Go Buzz!!  Do a herkie for me, buddy!

It's all pretty boring, isn't it?  My sister lives right outside of Atlanta (SHOUT OUT!) and says that they aren't even talking about Gah-Tech there.  All she hears is Georgia stuff.  That's just sad.  Not only are they boring, but their hometown could care less about them.

So, for all of the boredom I endured trying to dig up something interesting about the school, this is as good as I could find: RATS - Recently Acquired Tech Students.  They call freshman orientation RATS week.  Kinda funny... if you are an engineer.

Don't get me wrong, I love me some engineers!  But, it seems like that is all Gah-Tech cares about.  Think of how boring we would be without all the communications majors, liberal arts majors... even hospitality majors!  We embrace everyone in Blacksburg, which makes our school, and our parties, better.  Oh, and by the way, we are "Tech", thank you very much.  If the worldwide losers in sports call us Vah-Tech or they refer to Gah-Tech as just "Tech", I will have a conniption.  I promise that.

So, here we are: #10 versus #20.  We are 8-1, of course, and the Gahs are 7-2, with embarrassing losses to UVA and Miami.  They stand right behind us in the Coastal Division, and well, as of late, have really been our best competition in the division.  The Gahs (pronounced juh-ahhs) play at cute little Bobby Dodd Stadium in Atlanta.  Bobby Dodd holds 55,000 and, per attendance policies, will allow you to bring in baby food for snacking purposes, BUT only if you HAVE A CHILD IN YOUR ARMS.  So, if you don't carry the diaper bag AND the child, you are out of luck!  No baby food for you!  And, no baby food snacking for you college students, either, unless you rent an 8-year-old and carry him/her into the stadium with you.  "Child" was not defined, so I'm thinking anything up to 11-years old would work.  Just a thought if you really crave applesauce on Thursday nights.

Atlanta is awesome because of Cherry Coke.  Atlanta, on an Amtrak train, on the way back from losing at the Sugar Bowl = not awesome.  Let's face it, Atlanta is a big dumpy city.  I will always hate it for that train ride back from New Orleans.

Both teams are coming off bye weeks.  The Gahs are coming off a HUGE win against Clemson, 31-7.  Why should you tremble at that?  The QB for the Gahs, Tevin Washington, rushed for 176 yards that game.  Can you imagine that?  That makes me want to run for the dark corner!  They are FIRST in the nation on 3rd down conversions.  They also rank in the top 10 in the nation for rushing offense, pass efficiency, fewest sacks allowed, and fewest penalty yards.  With our beat-up D, this should be incredibly scary.  This team is disciplined and talented.  [insert Enter Sandman humming here]

DB Jemea Thomas is good.  Look for David Sims, Orwin Smith, and Roddy Jones to tear us up with rushing yards.  WR Stephen Hill is also decent.  Hey, Shane Beamer was a grad assistant here in 2000.  Beamers don't go to loser schools.  The Gahs have a solid team on both sides of the ball.

We can hate their two VA players: Morgan Carter (Woodbridge, aka, the "right armpit" of Virginia) and Tim Seager (Blacksburg).  I hope we really do a number on this Seager kid.  He's absolutely a traitor.  In the Gah's defense, though, we have 3 GA players: Detrick Bonner, Carl Jackson, and Bruuuuuuuuuuce.  I'll take that trade any day.

The Gahs will scare the crap and/or pee out of us with their "spread option".  They claim that the triple option is actually just one play (or a series of plays) that they run about 20% of the time.  This sounds like football snootiness.  I hate this crap.  They even made up a position: the A-back.  Apparently, by losing the tight end, they create a "slot-back" that is part receiver and part runner.  Again, football snootiness.  I can make up positions just as good as the next person, but I don't talk about them publicly.  That makes them no better than Spurrier.  Pitch and catch.  Coach 'em up.  Jerks.

Whatever you want to call it, the option is going to be the most difficult thing our defense will encounter all year.  Washington is a scary QB with scary running skills.  If Bud doesn't have a miracle dialed up for tomorrow, we could be in for a long, long night.  This game should frighten you more than Pet Cemetery did when you were in elementary school.  I'm scared to death.  Why will I watch?  Because I'm a Hokie, dammit!  And we will either rise to the occassion and shine gloriously, or we'll fail miserably (see, "Frostbite, Failure... and Fireworks"). 

Cross your fingers and pray.  Bud will need all the help he can get. 

If you aren't excited for a Thursday night game that literally defines our season, you must be dead.  If you are scared, well, that just makes you normal.  Try not to fall asleep when they show clips of the Gah campus.  Show a little respect, please.

I'm aiming for an offensive blow-out!  Go second-half Giraffe!

Love made up football sayings,
The B.S.C.

Monday Pulse Check

Well, it appears that all we needed to crack into the top 10 of the BCS was a week without Stiney.  Bye weeks can be great, can't they?  You can't lose, you can't look stupid... all you do is sit there and look pretty.  Bye weeks can make you forget, just for a moment, that you're the lab partner.  But hey, I'm not complaining.  Top 10 rocks.  Top 10 is awesome!  And, we're also #10 in the AP.  I guess that means that we are #10 in SOME polls, right?  And, although it means nothing, USA today has us at #9.  Why is this so great?  Because we are IN FRONT of our arch nemesis, Clemson.  They hold the #9 spot in SOME polls, you know, just the AP and BCS.  But hey, in SOME polls, we are #9.  This is the first time we've been in the top 10 in the BCS since 2007.

I still don't want to talk about Clemson.  I'd rather go sit in a dark corner, rock back and forth, and hum Enter Sandman.

And, I'm not prepared to talk about GAH-Tech, either.  That makes me think about going into another dark corner.

Let's just talk about some fun things.  We had to endure a whole week without the Hokies on the field, so what else went on in the world of NCAA football?  Well, not much.  Iowa beat #15 Michigan.  UCLA beat #19 Arizona State.  And, Louisville (yes, apparently they do have a football team) beat #24 WVU.  Poor little couch burners.  They just couldn't handle the pressure of the top 25.  The biggest loss of the week, though, came with #10 Nebraska losing to Northwestern.  This really freed up the #10 spot for us.  Thank you, Nebraska!  I personally hate Nebraska.  Their fans are like the Miami fans of the mid-west.  This fact makes their loss that much more fun.

Did you see all the craziness about Penn State?  Some people are calling for Rip Van Winkle himself to leave!  The athletic director went on administrative leave.  This is insanity.  I don't want to know what was going on in the locker room, but the school did nothing about it?  Seems odd that the police weren't notified.  I don't know.  I'm sure more details will emerge soon.

Oh... I guess that's about it.  I just wanted to make sure you all were still alive out there.  It's fine to get a little R&R on the bye week, but the game is THIS THURSDAY.  We are merely hours away from perhaps the most important game of the season!  Can you feel the excitement?  Have you already called in sick to work for Friday?  I'm ready.  The tattoo is ready.  Danny Coale is ready.  Even evil Jim Weaver can't ruin a Thursday night game.

Check your pulse.  Set your timer.  A new post will be ready Wednesday for your viewing pleasure. 

Love the number 10,
The B.S.C.

Being the Lab Partner Ain't Pretty

I am SO glad that we finally cruised through a game.  It was so stress-free and heart-warming.  Didn't it just make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside?  We came out and established that we were going to dominate, and dominate we did.  Wasn't it nice?  Playing a sub-standard team is just downright pleasant.

Oh wait.

That isn't what happened, is it?

I was snuggled up on my couch, ready for some massive offense, when what happened?  Somehow, Second-half Giraffe showed up in the first half.  It was magical.  Snow was falling on pumpkins, and The Giraffe came out to play in the first half!  But then, even as the snow kept falling, First-half Giraffe appeared, stinking up the second half.  We were actually leading at half-time.  Stiney does his best to avoid this, and usually succeeds.  But, were you comfortable at half-time?  I wasn't.  The heart palpitations were starting and I wished that I had never heard of safety Matt Daniels.

Dear Mike O'Cain,
I understand that Stiney is your boss.  He controls the offense.  But seriously, how many times do we need to talk about having The Giraffe keep the ball on third and short?  Even the announcers were talking about how he can fall forward for over 2 yards!  How many times will we run Wilson to the outside on these plays, only to look stupid by the huge loss of yards?  Man up, O'Cain!  Call your own plays!  Stiney is killing us.  KILLING US.  If Bud Foster ever has a heart attack, we can blame it solely on Stiney.  Please stop the madness.  That is all I am asking for.  Please. 

I don't blame First-half Giraffe for the madness, I really don't.  I blame Stiney and O'Cain.  They call the stupidest plays at the stupidest times.  It boggles my mind that Stiney is paid to be a collegiate offensive coordinator.  I'm pretty sure we could hire a former Maryland coach (hint, hint) who would not only keep downtown eateries in business, but would make our offense look respectable.  Just a thought.  Beamer's loyalty has to end somewhere if we ever want to get back to a national championship game.

Some good things came out of the horror.  Hosley was back in.  Per the announcers, he is "some kind of player."  Oh really?  What kind is that?  Seriously, someone needs to pay me to come up with one-liners for the announcers.  This duo liked to say that one player "tattooed" the other on big hits.  Boring.  The best thing they said all day was that there was a "sleepy atmosphere at Wallace Wade".  HA!  Just what a college wants to hear about a home game against a ranked opponent.  Another glorious line was that we are ranked 12th in "some polls."  SOME polls?  Just the BCS, thanks.  The one that actually matters.

Wallace Wade was seriously sleepy.  You would think that they were the ones serving turkey legs during games.  They should hand out little pillows at the door.  Pink ones would have been nice for Cancer-awareness.  There was plenty of room to spread out and take a little nap during the game.  I was embarrassed for The Goatees, really.  They play at a "multi-purpose" stadium.  It has a track.  My high school football stadium looked just like theirs.  There were probably more people at a Friday night Broad Run High School football game than there were at that stadium Saturday.  And what if we didn't travel so well?  That place would have been totally empty.  They even showed a clip of the basketball court during the game.  How low can you go? 
 
Gayle was also back in, which helped us.  Whitley got another INT.  Did you see Danny Coale on the reverse??  He's awesome.  I would like to start a petition for him to play on every down.  He can run, he can kick, he can catch... there is nothing the man can't do.  I look forward to starting him on my fantasy football team next year.

We were killed by bad play calling, horrendous penalties, and awful officiating.  Did you see the fumble that Fuller picked up, but the Refs called the play dead so he didn't even get a chance to return it?  We could have had the ball another 40 yards down the field!  Ugh.  It was painful.  I did kinda enjoy one of The Giraffe's interceptions.  He made a bad-ass tackle on the guy (I forget who, probably Daniels).  He leaped at him, wrapped his arms around him, and drove him out of bounds.  Once again, the fact that we have a QB who will do that is excellent, but when he gets hurt doing it one day, I'll say that it was always stupid.

For those of you also riding the couch, did you catch the little clip about The Goatees touching the "Duke Stone"?  The stupid announcers didn't even say that we do the same thing; they compared it to Clemson.  They acted like it was so unique... they got the stone from a local quarry.  Glad they are so hip on ACC traditions that they don't even realize that The Goatees stole that from US.  Idiots.

So, yes, Daniels pretty much single-handedly killed us.  He's a beast.  Between our penalties and lack of Beamerball, we almost lost this one.  We should have lost it.  The Goatees were in it to win it, and well, Stiney was napping somewhere in the bleachers.  Where did Beamerball go?  Since when does Virginia Tech have crappy kickers?  When is the last time we even tried to block a kick?  It's baffling.  It's sad.  I may need to have a drink and ponder all this... again.

So, right now, we're that smart, ugly kid in high school.  No one wants to date us, but everyone wants to be our lab partner.  Until we lose the weight, get Proactiv, and start wearing contacts, we're never going to get to a national championship game.  Vick put us on the Homecoming Court.  Right now, we're lucky if we're cool enough to hang out with the Drama kids.  At some point, we have to put together 4 full quarters of football, on both sides of the ball.  Until we do that, we will suffer through games like this one over and over and over again.

What is extremely frightening is that we are now coming up against a Georgia Tech team that beat Clemson.  If that isn't scary enough to carry you through Halloween, I don't know what is.  Be scared.  Very, very scared.

Love pumpkins and lab partners,
The B.S.C.

P.S.  At least we aren't the Redskins...shut out in Hoser-land.  Sad.  Very, very sad.

The Love Child of Bobby and Honest Abe

 Let's just go ahead and put this out there: the Duke Blue Devil looks like the love child of Howie Mandel (whose best work by far is from this) and Honest Abe.  Maybe it's just the goatee, I don't know, but I certainly think there's something odd going on down there in Durham.  But, as with all mascots, I feel the need to exploit this.  In an effort to do that, I'm just going to call them The Goatees.  I couldn't think of anything more interesting; the mascot kinda makes me sleepy.  So The Goatees will just have to do.  Before we move on, why does he wear a mask?  What is The Goatee afraid off?  Maybe lice in his beard?  The embarrassing headband he is forced to wear?  I feel bad for him, really.  He's like a lame super-hero with no powers other than a basketball team with a knack for losing big games.

I always thought that a goatee was a circle beard, and apparently many people have this confusion.  They call the circle beard a goatee here.  I found this confusion all over the Internet.  Darn it, Al Gore!  You need to keep this stuff in check!  A proper goatee is below, not to be confused with the circle beard.  I know, circle beard sounds stupid.  But hey, it is what it is.

Doesn't The Goatee just scream MANLY to you?  It says, "I'm too studly for a soul patch, and I'm too hard-core for a circle beard."  Maybe The Goatee does MMA or something like that.  We can at least rule out football as his sport of choice.

I love Goatee fans.  They hate themselves and they hate their school.  See, UVA fans don't realize how ridiculous they are; but, The Goatees know it!  They know they go to a preppy school with an over-rated basketball program (in recent years) and a football program that exists, well, pretty much because of the basketball program.  If you google "Duke fans" (trust me, "The Goatees" won't do it), you'll find articles on basketball.  That's it.  A couple hilarious ones are truthaboutduke.com, within which I would definitely search on the term "Coach K", and http://firecoachk.ning.com/.  Unfortunately, that last site seems to be having some technical difficulties.  Last time I looked at it, there was a clock calculating how many days, hours, minutes, and seconds it has been since their last trip to the big game.

You are probably thinking that I am being harsh on such a great basketball program, and well, I am.  It's easy to make fun of them when we, well, we don't even come close to competing with them on the court.  I'd be more than happy to blog about our basketball team during the season, but someone would have to convince me that I won't fall asleep first.  You know I'm prone to doing that.

If you google "Duke football fan", you'll get something like this confession of a fan that actually seems to have gotten a little prematurely excited about Coach Cutcliffe.  The Goatees hate their team.  They are just like us in the '80s, so I feel for them.  Unfortunately, we're going to kick their ass.

The Goatees come into this early-ass Saturday game 3-4 (1-2 in the ACC).  They are 4th in the Coastal division; we, of course, sit on top.  The game will be played at cute little Wallace Wade Stadium in Durham.  It seats 33,491 at full capacity, and well, that doesn't really happen very often.  That is like leaving the student side of Lane Stadium open.  It's going to sound like a golf tournament in comparison to Enter Sandman.  Expect large numbers of Hokies to be there to fill up the stands.  If you need to set your alarm to wake up for a 12:30 kick-off, then I hate you.  You were probably born in the '90s, and that makes me feel old.

Coach Cutcliffe is in his 4th season as head coach of The Goatees.  He graduated from Bama in '76 and his claim to fame is mentoring both Manning brothers as a QB coach.  His record at Duke is 15-28.  He was an assistant coach at Tennessee and a head coach at Ole Miss before this grand job came along.  I can only make fun of the fact that he has a grandson named "Shivers".  Other than that, he reminds me of an early Beamer, so I'll leave grandpa alone.

The Goatees tend to control the clock on offense, which should be interesting with all of our injuries on D.  They also seem to play multiple QBs, which makes me dream that maybe one day they are hoping to steal Stiney away so that he can personally execute a multiple-QB system in Durham.  Sean Renfree is 6'5" (nearing Giraffe height) and has an excellent completion percentage.  They also play QB Anthony Boone.  From their site and game notes, I can't see why one plays over the other, so I guess it's like Tyrod and Sean Glennon (try not to puke).  I'm sure their "fans" love that system.  It seems to be working really well for them [insert sarcasm here].

RBs Desmond Scott, Juwan Thompson, and Jay Hollingsworth round out their offensive attack, as well as WRs Conner Vernon and Donovan Varner.  We can call them the "V"s.  The "V"s are actually pretty decent.  Their other WR, Jamison Crowder, is also the kick-off returner, and is 4th in the ACC with his return average.  Senior Safety Matt Daniels is pretty much the only highlight on their D.  He is 3rd in the ACC in tackles.

Let's just lead this one from the start, shall we?  A reader sent me this picture of The Giraffe from DisneyWorld this past week.  I guess he needed some R&R.  Let's hope second-half Giraffe starts the game tomorrow.

I expect total world domination this Saturday.  A couple top 10 teams are bound to fall, so let's kick the snot out of The Goatees, make them want to shave, and move up to #10.  Sound like a plan?  Excellent!

If you are making the drive, have fun.  I will once again be riding this one out on the couch.  Just remember that the BooHoos beat the U---nimpressive bunch last night.  That makes me giggle.  Poor Miami.  I think I'll wear my "Sucks to be U" shirt tomorrow just for the BooHoos.

We've won the last 10 against The Goatees.  Let's keep it rolling.

Love Bobby's mom,
The B.S.C.

Crushing the Hopes of Little Herpys

Ahem.  The three possible/plausibly deniable reasons I am late on this post are:
1.  Baldwin, Jr. and I got into a scuffle on Sunday and I almost died.  Call INOVA Fairfax.  Baldwin, Jr. is still there.  You don't want to even know what he looks like...
2.  I fell asleep during the first half.  I would appreciate a wake-up call before Tuesday, thanks.
3.  Stiney invited me to a private meeting so that we could discuss more solid 3rd-down plays, and, once he learned how much I hate him, he locked me in the basement of PK's.  I lived on wings and beer until someone rescued me Monday.

Yeah, yeah.  So I'm late.  Don't shoot the messenger!  Sometimes, there just isn't much to say.  I must say, though, that I didn't panic at half-time.  I pretty much expect it.  Don't get me wrong, it still makes me want to hurl, but I always figure that we'll get ourselves into gear eventually.

I am saddened by the Herpy drinking game.  Why is Comcast so much better than ESPN?  The only thing they liked to repeat over and over again is that the Giraffe is 6'6".  I've finally realized that they like the clip of Wilson's hooptie ride, though, so I will make sure to include that in the next drinking game that they are covering.  Again - WORLDWIDE LEADER IN SPORTS?  Comcast kicked your ass, ESPN.  You've become the U of sports broadcasting.  Take that!

Once we finally got into our rhythm in the second half (after trailing at half-time 7-6), we looked like a decent team again.  The Giraffe rushed for one and threw for one.  I love that he runs down the field and looks to really hurt whoever chooses to tackle him.  Don't you love that?  Wouldn't you love to see more professional QBs like that?  I'll love it until he gets hurt from it, then I'll pretend I've always disapproved.  Make a mental note.  Wilson racked up 134 yards and Coale had a career-high of 118.  Our offense is great... once it gets moving.  Who should we blame for this?  Stiney.  Always blame Stiney.

Defense... well defense is a whole other ball game.  You know Bud Foster goes to sleep at night (still chewing gum, with the lunch pail under his embroidered pillow saying, "Give 'em hell!") and thinks, "surely no one else will get hurt today."  What is up with all the injuries?  Bruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuce is out for the rest of the season with another one of the crazy Lisfranc sprains in his foot.  The same injury took G-Dub out for the rest of the season.  Gayle managed only a couple of plays until he went out, re-injuring his ankle from the Miami game.  Tweedy went out with an ankle injury (with no return date known).  Antoine Hopkins is out for the rest of the year with a knee injury.  Hosley is still out indefinitely with his hammie.  Bud's gotta be close to heart attack levels with his blood pressure.  Crazy enough, though, we are still managing to hold our own.  Corey Marshall, Barquell Rivers, and Tyrel Wilson all stepped up and did very well.  Marshall had 5 tackles and a sack.  Plus, Tariq Edwards got another important INT.  As beat up as we are, we're doing awesome. 

This week in college football was a little crazy:
- #3 Oklahoma lost to unranked Texas Tech
- #15 West Virginia lost to unranked Syracuse
- #6 Wisconsin lost to #16 Michigan State
- Unranked Miami upset #22 Georgia Tech
- Unranked Purdue beat #23 Illinois

Even with all that chaos, we still sit #12 BCS and #15 AP.  Don't you wish we played the couch burners every year?  Man, I miss them!  We are now 7-1 (3-1 in the ACC)... and you know why that is scary like a Halloween costume?  That means we are getting closer and closer to seeing Clemson again in December.  Boo!

So, let's just keep on taking it one day at a time.  Duke is up this weekend and I promise that I'll get you something on Friday.  I'm awake/alive/out of the basement now so I'm available for all sorts of Duke research.  I love making fun of preppy schools!

Until Friday...

Love dashing the hopes of boring little Herpys,
The B.S.C.

Who IS Baldwin, Jr.?

What I really want to know is, who IS Baldwin, Jr.?

He exists.  I'm telling you, Boston College, in all its snooty-privateness, says that he is an official mascot.  Yet, I cannot locate a picture of him anywhere.  I'm talking Google, the college website, YouTube... you name it, I've searched for him on it.  I found this hilarious article about Baldwin Jr, but that is it.  Zilch.  Nada.  Let me go ahead and clarify for you who the heck Baldwin, Jr. supposedly is.  He IS an official mascot of Boston College.  He is 9'6" tall, and he's inflatable.  Apparently, he does stunts.  His more popular, father, I guess you would say, is Baldwin the Eagle, the other official mascot of BC.  He's the one you always see.  If it weren't for the school's insistence that this is an official mascot, I would think it's all a hoax.  Think: the yeti, Big Foot, the Monster of Loch Ness.  You know, anything Josh Gates would investigate on Destination Truth.  But, I know that BC doesn't have that much of a sense of humor.  So where is he?  Why isn't there a picture of him or a video?  He's 9'6", for God's sake.  He jumps on his head.  Yet no one has a picture of it?  This is a conspiracy!

I can't make too much fun of Baldwin, Sr.  I love bad-ass birds as mascots.  And yes, my tattoo is healing quite well, thank you.  But something inflatable?  That is comic genius!  I NEED to find him.  Please, please... if you can locate anything, report it on the comments section for me.  I'll take foot molds, grainy pictures in the dark, EVPs, EMFs, and untraceable hairs.  Anything!  But since we have to settle for plain old Baldwin, Sr., I have a simple request.  Please contact BC for a Mascot Appearance Request and ask how much it would cost to get Baldwin, Jr. at an appearance.  That's right.  Tell them that Sr. sucks big eagle eggs and you want Jr. to appear at your nephew's bar mitzvah or your cousin's wedding.  If you can do that for me, we can all be friends.  Thanks.

Now, I also need to point out here that back in the good old days, pre-PETA, BC had real bald eagle named... wait for it... Herpy.  The name came from a student who said that since a remedy for hair loss at the time was called "herpicide", "Herpy" would be a good name for a bald eagle. And thus, the name stuck.  Funny, though, that the poor eagle hated his life so much that he inflicted self-harm and eventually wound up at a zoo.  I, being the kind-hearted animal lover that I am, would like to honor the former BC mascot by now referring to BC as the Herpys.  I am so thoughtful, I know.

On a side note, how did Baldwin, Jr. get so tall?  His father, Sr., is only 6'6"?  Is he the love child of a giraffe and Sr.?  Is he related to our Giraffe???  Scary.  Also, if you think your mascot is so bad-ass, why would you create a taller one in the first place?

By the way, my official favorite Baldwin is Stephen.

So here we are.  Homecoming in Lane Stadium.  It's going to be low-60s and sunny.  What does that mean?  Heaven.  If you are going down, I'm jealous.  I'll be sitting this one out on the couch again.  If you are going to be riding sofa with me, don't worry, I have plans for you.  Just wait.

So, the Herpys come into to this game in last place in the Atlantic Division.  We are in second in the Coastal behind Georgia Tech.  Right off the bat, we have to recognize that the Herpys suck because their colors are maroon and gold.  Maroon looks awful with anything other than burnt orange.  Enough said.  Their record is 1-5, being 0-3 in the ACC.  This is the 20th match-up between the Herpys and the Hokies. We lead the series 13-6.

The Herpys consider us an official rival per the Herpy website.  Along with us, they list Miami, Clemson, and Notre Dame.  I didn't realize we were really rivals... but hey, if that means they are scared of us, I'll take it.

The Herpys start sophomore QB Chase Rettig, who is nothing special.  I'm kinda confused as to who is starting at RB.  Sorry.  Apparently I need to follow the Herpys more; I tend to keep my distance from them for, you know, sanitary reasons.  Their star RB, Montel Harris, hurt his knee. I'm assuming he's out because the team asked the NCAA for medical hardship waivers for him and senior defensive tackle, Kaleb Ramsey, on October 9th.  Harris' back-up, Andre Williams, is also out (I think).  It appears that they are trying to fill in Harris' shoes with Rolandan Finch, aka, "Deuce", and Tahj Kimble.  "Deuce" is just too easy.  I'm not even gonna go there.  The receivers to watch will be Bobby Swigert and Chris Pantale.  Their best player is All-American linebacker Luke Kuechly.  Look for him to pressure us constantly and rack up a lot of tackles.  We'll have to see what offensive line shows up for us this week.  Let's hope it isn't the one from the first quarter of the Wake game.  Our only other worries on D are linebacker Kevin Pierre-Louis and defensive back Jim Noel.

The Herpys are led by Frank Spaziani, aka, "Spaz".  He's in his third season as head coach of the Herpys.  He's been their Defensive Coordinator since 1999.  SpazUVA - 4 years as the D-backs coach and 5 as the D-Coordinator.  Why does everyone link to UVA?  Did he also tuck his sweatshirt into his khakis as a child?  The Spaz also graduated from Penn State, where he was a star (so they say) D-end and began his coaching career as a graduate assistant under Gramps.  So many people have worked with or played for Gramps that I've lost track.  I'm going to stop paying attention to Penn State... oh wait!  I did that a decade ago!

The Spaz has quite the line-up after us: Maryland, Florida State, NC State (home of brother Glennon), Notre Dame, and Miami.  It is certainly possible for them to lose each and every one of these games.  It must hurt to be a Herpy.

We are ranked #12 on the BCS and #16 on the AP.  Go Hokies! Wilson is currently 5th in the nation in rushing, averaging 129 yards per game.  Boykin is now tied for 4th all-time TDs with Josh Morgan with 16.  I think he can pass Morgan tomorrow, no problem.  Are you excited for Homecoming?  You should be!  This is the stuff that makes our stats look good.  No ulcers tomorrow.  Or strokes.

As promised, I have come up with a simple little drinking game for those of you riding the couch with me.  Cheers!

They show a clip of Flutie's Hail Mary.  Drink 5.
They mention Flutie's Hail Mary.  Drink 2.
They talk about Matt Ryan.  Drink 1.
They talk about Beamerball.  Drink 6.
They show the lunch pail.  Drink 3.
They say "Spaz".  Drink 2.
They talk about Vick.  Drink 4.
They say the Giraffe is 6'6".  Drink 10.
They call the Giraffe the Big "L".  Drink 3.
They show a graphic of the tallest QBs in college football.  Just finish your drink.
They say something stupid.  Drink 1.  (We don't need you to get alcohol poisoning.)

So there it is... Homecoming against the Herpys.  Wash your hands.  Put on some ointment or something.  Just make sure you're ready to watch the Giraffe create some magic.  I'm feeling it today.  The tattoo says that good things are to come.

Love [imaginary] inflatable mascots,
The B.S.C.

H-O-K-I-E-S, HOKIES!

I know that as you plugged in your laptop to your TV, you thought, "Why the hell does ESPN3 feel the need to go by watchespn.com?"  There was still an ESPN3 logo at the bottom of the screen.  Why are they trying to be confusing?  And seriously, isn't ESPN supposed to be the worldwide leader in sports?  Those announcers were awful.  AWFUL.  We'll discuss more about them later.

That first quarter was horrendous.  Maybe it was because my Internet connection would get slow and the TV would look like a bootleg copy of Madden.  Thanks a lot, Al Gore.  Maybe the Hokies actually got slower with my Internet... hmm... we could be on to something there.  Regardless, it was just like the second half of the Miami game.  We had absolutely no run defense.  Having Gayle, Hopkins, and G-Dub out is really having an impact on us.  Let's hope Bud can whip these new guys into shape quickly.  We slowly got better throughout the game, but having those 3 out makes a noticeable difference.

The first way the announcers showed their idiocy was by calling the Giraffe "Big L".  Then, of course, like every game, they showed the graphic of the tallest QBs in the league.  Big L.  Wow.  That is some creative writing over there at ESPN.  I bet I could get a job writing that gold.

I was keeping track of our possessions for a little while.  This is how they went.  Note: this is not necessarily completely accurate.  Due to the amount of alcohol I was forced to consume during the 1st quarter, my notes may be a little off.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1st poss. - 3 and out.  Woohoo!  We're looking awesome.  Punt.
2nd poss. - Giraffe called an audible.  An AUDIBLE!  Did he not listen to my scorn regarding this a week or two ago?  And what did the audible get us?  He threw it... to NO ONE.  Result: another 3 and out.  WTF is up with our O-line???  24-yard punt.

[I must break here to mention the second example of announcer idiocy.  That long pass to Givens... you remember it, I know you do.  Hosley was catching up to him, grabbed his hamstring, and then stopped running.  What did the announcers say?  "He was outrun."  Bastards.]

3rd poss. - Didn't get even 1 yard.  BIG FAT GOOSE EGG.  Good ol' Stiney went down the field Hail-Mary style on 3rd and 10.  Result?  Punt.
4th poss. - FINALLY threw to Boykin.  Remember him?  Our best receiver?  Oh yeah, took us 4 possessions to get him the ball.  On 3rd and 2, we ... wait for it... run to the outside!  Brilliant call by Stiney!  Another punt.

[The announcers still haven't said anything regarding Hosley.  But he has disappeared...]

End of 1st quarter. 10-0.  Time to make another drink!

5th poss. - yet ANOTHER attempted pass to Marcus Davis.  Why do we keep throwing to him?  It was almost intercepted.  Throw to Boykin - FIRST DOWN!  Amazing!  Running game still isn't doing jack.  Once again, went for the long-ball down the field on 3rd down.  Another punt.  Apparently the offense from the Clemson game showed up.  Sad.
6th poss. - Screen to Wilson.  Nice!  Throw to Boykin.  QB keeper for the TD!  7-10
Kick-off out of bounds.  Lovely.
7th poss. - Great run by Wilson.  TD, Boykin!  14-10

[The third instance of ESPN idiocy appeared at this point.  They put up a graphic of Coale and Boykin, with their numbers mixed up.  How hard is it guys, really?] 

Are they ever going to talk about the Tech sideline??  Price is now having issues - the O-line of the Lenos is collapsing.

8th poss. - Insanely awful sack after a 1st down. What was the Giraffe thinking??  Punt inside the 5.  Nice!

Seriously?  The DDs have lawn seating?

[41 seconds left in the 2nd quarter, and the brilliant ESPN crew has finally mentioned that Hosley is out due to a hamstring injury.  Wow.  Idiocy #4.]

INTERCEPTION by #24, Edwards!
Big reception by Drager... I love him!

[Random replay of us tackling a Leno from earlier in the game... while we still have the ball.  Idiocy #5.]

TD!  Thomas with the keeper!  Stiney has finally listened to me for play-calling on 3rd and short.

[1st play of the 2nd half, idiocy #6: The announcers say Thomas is going to be sacked.  Oh wait.  First down.  Oops.]

TD!  Wilson!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It was all uphill from here, so I'll save you my notes from this point on.  It's hard for me to decipher them anyway.  I appreciate Stiney sticking to the run.  It paid off eventually.  Marcus Davis even scored his own TD at one point, so I got off my rant about constantly trying to throw to him by the end of the game. 

Did you see #8, Bonner?  He filled in for Hosley.  He was pretty flippin' awesome.  I'm excited about seeing more of him next year.  Did you also see Wilson run so fast that he ran out of his shoe?  The man is insane.

Our road streak winning record increased to 11, the best in the nation.  You saw the stupid Sprint, Capital One Venture card, SW Airlines, and Toyota Venza commercials so many times that  you probably dreamed about meeting a cave man on plane and showing him on your sprint phone how great a Venza would be for his parents.  Because they are only for old people, right?

I think we successfully kept the Lenos out of the polls.  They did sorta look a little foolish by the end of the game.  Not that having the DD ride in on a motorcycle helped with his street cred at all; he has on a top hat and tails!  It doesn't matter what you do to him, he's going to look uptight and goofy.

It was a good weekend to be a Hokie.  The tatt is proving to be good luck.  Next up, your now #16 ranked Hokies meet Boston College at Lane Stadium for Homecoming.  I have a feeling that this will be a fun one.

Love vodka and QB keepers,
The B.S.C.

If Jay Leno Was a Mascot...

I know you are asking yourself, "Didn't we just play in North Carolina?"  Why yes, yes we did.  This is game number 2 for the Hokies in the great state of NC.  We'll be back again for the Dukies soon, and well, as much as it scares me to even think it... we could be back again to face Clemson (gulp) again for the ACC Championship.  "But B.S.C., why do we play in North Carolina so much?" you ask?  Ohhh... I don't know.  Isn't ECU just the perfect series to get us into contention for a National Championship?  Hahaha!  OK, OK.  Stop rolling around on the floor.  We all know why we visit the stupid state of oval stickers (you know who you are), dunes and golfers.  Jim Weaver.  Evil Jim.  Master of Hokie Athletics.  He's in love with the state.  I cannot comprehend any other reason for the ECU series.  Can you?  I thought not.  Nevertheless, we're back. 

I'm not really complaining.  Since joining the ACC in 2004 we are 11-0 in ACC games played in NC.  I'll take that stat any day.  Plus, many nice things have come out of NC.  Most notably, our own Frank Beamer hails from Mount Airy, the birthplace of Mayberry.  Andy, Barney, Goober, Aunt Bee... and Beamer.  Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? 

Alright, so now that we've thoroughly flushed out our dealings with North Carolina, let's get to business.  We are going up against Wake Forest.  They are 4-1 this year, 3-0 in the ACC.  The Demon Deacons have a ridiculous-looking mascot who wears a top hat and tails.  And, is it just me or does he really look like Jay Leno?  I don't know if that is what they were going for when they designed the costume, but that's what they got.  And why is Leno so snooty?  Top hat?  Tails?  Is he going to the prom? 

The DD's celebrate the oh-so-colorful school colors of black and "old gold".  Yes, that's right.  To you, old gold might bring back memories of this... and if so, shame on you.  But if not, just know that MANY other college teams use old gold as an official color, including Georgia Tech, ECU and ... wait for it... West Virginia.  Eww.  I know.  But you know, the DD's head coach hails from WV, so it's only fitting.  And the whole snootiness thing also works really well for him.  He graduated from UVA twice ('75 and '78) with a bachelors and a masters.  I wonder if he tucks his sweatshirts into his khakis?

Jim Grobe, Mr. WV/UVA, is looking for his 100th win this Saturday as a head coach.  And you know what?  We should be kinda scared.  Last Saturday, the DD's upset #23 Florida State in Winston-Salem.  This is the first year that they have been 3-0 in the ACC, and there are rumors that they might edge their way into the college football rankings shortly.  The Jay Lenos have not beaten the Hokies at home since 1970.  Ouch is right!  But this is a good team.  Very good.

The Lenos are led by QB Tanner Price, tailback Josh Harris, and receivers Chris Givens, Danny Dembry, and Michael Campanaro.  Kyle Wilber is their sack machine, so look for him to pressure the Giraffe all day.  This team is #48 in the country on total offense.  G-Dub is out for the season with a crazy ankle sprain that requires surgery, so look for new players on D like Alonzo Tweedy.  Remember how bad we looked during the second half of the Miami game?  This could be a repeat.  You should be scared.  I'm terrified.  The Lenos have only been behind in points for 5 minutes and 31 seconds this ENTIRE SEASON.  They lost their first game to Syracuse in OT.  Since then, they've won four-straight, including ranked FL State, NC State, and Boston College.

I'm going to drink.  That's what I recommend for you.  I'm not making the drive down to Winston-Salem because, well, I'm too lazy.  The tailgating will be much nicer on my couch, I guarantee it.  And although the game will probably be similar to a '60's NFL broadcast due to the fact that I have to hook up the computer to the TV to watch it, well, I think it's going to be pretty interesting and entertaining.

Bud needs to figure out what to do with a decent offense with holes in our lineup.  Stiney, well... Stiney can call in sick.  Which offense will show up for us?  Who knows.  Let's cross our fingers and pray that the one from last weekend does.

In order to solidify my hard-core, bad-ass, Bear Grylls-ness, I got this today while off from work:

Awesome, I know.

Well, have a drink in hand and enjoy this one.  If the Giraffe is in it like he was last week, we'll make the Lenos look foolish and crush their hopes of falling into the top 25.  Wouldn't that be fun?

Love bad-ass Hokie tatts,
The B.S.C.