I am SO glad that we finally cruised through a game. It was so stress-free and heart-warming. Didn't it just make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside? We came out and established that we were going to dominate, and dominate we did. Wasn't it nice? Playing a sub-standard team is just downright pleasant.
Oh wait.
That isn't what happened, is it?
I was snuggled up on my couch, ready for some massive offense, when what happened? Somehow, Second-half Giraffe showed up in the first half. It was magical. Snow was falling on pumpkins, and The Giraffe came out to play in the first half! But then, even as the snow kept falling, First-half Giraffe appeared, stinking up the second half. We were actually leading at half-time. Stiney does his best to avoid this, and usually succeeds. But, were you comfortable at half-time? I wasn't. The heart palpitations were starting and I wished that I had never heard of safety Matt Daniels.
Dear Mike O'Cain,
I understand that Stiney is your boss. He controls the offense. But seriously, how many times do we need to talk about having The Giraffe keep the ball on third and short? Even the announcers were talking about how he can fall forward for over 2 yards! How many times will we run Wilson to the outside on these plays, only to look stupid by the huge loss of yards? Man up, O'Cain! Call your own plays! Stiney is killing us. KILLING US. If Bud Foster ever has a heart attack, we can blame it solely on Stiney. Please stop the madness. That is all I am asking for. Please.
I don't blame First-half Giraffe for the madness, I really don't. I blame Stiney and O'Cain. They call the stupidest plays at the stupidest times. It boggles my mind that Stiney is paid to be a collegiate offensive coordinator. I'm pretty sure we could hire a former Maryland coach (hint, hint) who would not only keep downtown eateries in business, but would make our offense look respectable. Just a thought. Beamer's loyalty has to end somewhere if we ever want to get back to a national championship game.
Some good things came out of the horror. Hosley was back in. Per the announcers, he is "some kind of player." Oh really? What kind is that? Seriously, someone needs to pay me to come up with one-liners for the announcers. This duo liked to say that one player "tattooed" the other on big hits. Boring. The best thing they said all day was that there was a "sleepy atmosphere at Wallace Wade". HA! Just what a college wants to hear about a home game against a ranked opponent. Another glorious line was that we are ranked 12th in "some polls." SOME polls? Just the BCS, thanks. The one that actually matters.
Wallace Wade was seriously sleepy. You would think that they were the ones serving turkey legs during games. They should hand out little pillows at the door. Pink ones would have been nice for Cancer-awareness. There was plenty of room to spread out and take a little nap during the game. I was embarrassed for The Goatees, really. They play at a "multi-purpose" stadium. It has a track. My high school football stadium looked just like theirs. There were probably more people at a Friday night Broad Run High School football game than there were at that stadium Saturday. And what if we didn't travel so well? That place would have been totally empty. They even showed a clip of the basketball court during the game. How low can you go?
Gayle was also back in, which helped us. Whitley got another INT. Did you see Danny Coale on the reverse?? He's awesome. I would like to start a petition for him to play on every down. He can run, he can kick, he can catch... there is nothing the man can't do. I look forward to starting him on my fantasy football team next year.
We were killed by bad play calling, horrendous penalties, and awful officiating. Did you see the fumble that Fuller picked up, but the Refs called the play dead so he didn't even get a chance to return it? We could have had the ball another 40 yards down the field! Ugh. It was painful. I did kinda enjoy one of The Giraffe's interceptions. He made a bad-ass tackle on the guy (I forget who, probably Daniels). He leaped at him, wrapped his arms around him, and drove him out of bounds. Once again, the fact that we have a QB who will do that is excellent, but when he gets hurt doing it one day, I'll say that it was always stupid.
For those of you also riding the couch, did you catch the little clip about The Goatees touching the "Duke Stone"? The stupid announcers didn't even say that we do the same thing; they compared it to Clemson. They acted like it was so unique... they got the stone from a local quarry. Glad they are so hip on ACC traditions that they don't even realize that The Goatees stole that from US. Idiots.
So, yes, Daniels pretty much single-handedly killed us. He's a beast. Between our penalties and lack of Beamerball, we almost lost this one. We should have lost it. The Goatees were in it to win it, and well, Stiney was napping somewhere in the bleachers. Where did Beamerball go? Since when does Virginia Tech have crappy kickers? When is the last time we even tried to block a kick? It's baffling. It's sad. I may need to have a drink and ponder all this... again.
So, right now, we're that smart, ugly kid in high school. No one wants to date us, but everyone wants to be our lab partner. Until we lose the weight, get Proactiv, and start wearing contacts, we're never going to get to a national championship game. Vick put us on the Homecoming Court. Right now, we're lucky if we're cool enough to hang out with the Drama kids. At some point, we have to put together 4 full quarters of football, on both sides of the ball. Until we do that, we will suffer through games like this one over and over and over again.
What is extremely frightening is that we are now coming up against a Georgia Tech team that beat Clemson. If that isn't scary enough to carry you through Halloween, I don't know what is. Be scared. Very, very scared.
Love pumpkins and lab partners,
The B.S.C.
P.S. At least we aren't the Redskins...shut out in Hoser-land. Sad. Very, very sad.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Friday, October 28, 2011
The Love Child of Bobby and Honest Abe
Let's just go ahead and put this out there: the Duke Blue Devil looks like the love child of Howie Mandel (whose best work by far is from this) and Honest Abe. Maybe it's just the goatee, I don't know, but I certainly think there's something odd going on down there in Durham. But, as with all mascots, I feel the need to exploit this. In an effort to do that, I'm just going to call them The Goatees. I couldn't think of anything more interesting; the mascot kinda makes me sleepy. So The Goatees will just have to do. Before we move on, why does he wear a mask? What is The Goatee afraid off? Maybe lice in his beard? The embarrassing headband he is forced to wear? I feel bad for him, really. He's like a lame super-hero with no powers other than a basketball team with a knack for losing big games.
I always thought that a goatee was a circle beard, and apparently many people have this confusion. They call the circle beard a goatee here. I found this confusion all over the Internet. Darn it, Al Gore! You need to keep this stuff in check! A proper goatee is below, not to be confused with the circle beard. I know, circle beard sounds stupid. But hey, it is what it is.
Doesn't The Goatee just scream MANLY to you? It says, "I'm too studly for a soul patch, and I'm too hard-core for a circle beard." Maybe The Goatee does MMA or something like that. We can at least rule out football as his sport of choice.
I love Goatee fans. They hate themselves and they hate their school. See, UVA fans don't realize how ridiculous they are; but, The Goatees know it! They know they go to a preppy school with an over-rated basketball program (in recent years) and a football program that exists, well, pretty much because of the basketball program. If you google "Duke fans" (trust me, "The Goatees" won't do it), you'll find articles on basketball. That's it. A couple hilarious ones are truthaboutduke.com, within which I would definitely search on the term "Coach K", and http://firecoachk.ning.com/. Unfortunately, that last site seems to be having some technical difficulties. Last time I looked at it, there was a clock calculating how many days, hours, minutes, and seconds it has been since their last trip to the big game.
You are probably thinking that I am being harsh on such a great basketball program, and well, I am. It's easy to make fun of them when we, well, we don't even come close to competing with them on the court. I'd be more than happy to blog about our basketball team during the season, but someone would have to convince me that I won't fall asleep first. You know I'm prone to doing that.
If you google "Duke football fan", you'll get something like this confession of a fan that actually seems to have gotten a little prematurely excited about Coach Cutcliffe. The Goatees hate their team. They are just like us in the '80s, so I feel for them. Unfortunately, we're going to kick their ass.
The Goatees come into this early-ass Saturday game 3-4 (1-2 in the ACC). They are 4th in the Coastal division; we, of course, sit on top. The game will be played at cute little Wallace Wade Stadium in Durham. It seats 33,491 at full capacity, and well, that doesn't really happen very often. That is like leaving the student side of Lane Stadium open. It's going to sound like a golf tournament in comparison to Enter Sandman. Expect large numbers of Hokies to be there to fill up the stands. If you need to set your alarm to wake up for a 12:30 kick-off, then I hate you. You were probably born in the '90s, and that makes me feel old.
Coach Cutcliffe is in his 4th season as head coach of The Goatees. He graduated from Bama in '76 and his claim to fame is mentoring both Manning brothers as a QB coach. His record at Duke is 15-28. He was an assistant coach at Tennessee and a head coach at Ole Miss before this grand job came along. I can only make fun of the fact that he has a grandson named "Shivers". Other than that, he reminds me of an early Beamer, so I'll leave grandpa alone.
The Goatees tend to control the clock on offense, which should be interesting with all of our injuries on D. They also seem to play multiple QBs, which makes me dream that maybe one day they are hoping to steal Stiney away so that he can personally execute a multiple-QB system in Durham. Sean Renfree is 6'5" (nearing Giraffe height) and has an excellent completion percentage. They also play QB Anthony Boone. From their site and game notes, I can't see why one plays over the other, so I guess it's like Tyrod and Sean Glennon (try not to puke). I'm sure their "fans" love that system. It seems to be working really well for them [insert sarcasm here].
RBs Desmond Scott, Juwan Thompson, and Jay Hollingsworth round out their offensive attack, as well as WRs Conner Vernon and Donovan Varner. We can call them the "V"s. The "V"s are actually pretty decent. Their other WR, Jamison Crowder, is also the kick-off returner, and is 4th in the ACC with his return average. Senior Safety Matt Daniels is pretty much the only highlight on their D. He is 3rd in the ACC in tackles.
Let's just lead this one from the start, shall we? A reader sent me this picture of The Giraffe from DisneyWorld this past week. I guess he needed some R&R. Let's hope second-half Giraffe starts the game tomorrow.
I expect total world domination this Saturday. A couple top 10 teams are bound to fall, so let's kick the snot out of The Goatees, make them want to shave, and move up to #10. Sound like a plan? Excellent!
If you are making the drive, have fun. I will once again be riding this one out on the couch. Just remember that the BooHoos beat the U---nimpressive bunch last night. That makes me giggle. Poor Miami. I think I'll wear my "Sucks to be U" shirt tomorrow just for the BooHoos.
We've won the last 10 against The Goatees. Let's keep it rolling.
Love Bobby's mom,
The B.S.C.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Crushing the Hopes of Little Herpys
Ahem. The three possible/plausibly deniable reasons I am late on this post are:
1. Baldwin, Jr. and I got into a scuffle on Sunday and I almost died. Call INOVA Fairfax. Baldwin, Jr. is still there. You don't want to even know what he looks like...
2. I fell asleep during the first half. I would appreciate a wake-up call before Tuesday, thanks.
3. Stiney invited me to a private meeting so that we could discuss more solid 3rd-down plays, and, once he learned how much I hate him, he locked me in the basement of PK's. I lived on wings and beer until someone rescued me Monday.
Yeah, yeah. So I'm late. Don't shoot the messenger! Sometimes, there just isn't much to say. I must say, though, that I didn't panic at half-time. I pretty much expect it. Don't get me wrong, it still makes me want to hurl, but I always figure that we'll get ourselves into gear eventually.
I am saddened by the Herpy drinking game. Why is Comcast so much better than ESPN? The only thing they liked to repeat over and over again is that the Giraffe is 6'6". I've finally realized that they like the clip of Wilson's hooptie ride, though, so I will make sure to include that in the next drinking game that they are covering. Again - WORLDWIDE LEADER IN SPORTS? Comcast kicked your ass, ESPN. You've become the U of sports broadcasting. Take that!
Once we finally got into our rhythm in the second half (after trailing at half-time 7-6), we looked like a decent team again. The Giraffe rushed for one and threw for one. I love that he runs down the field and looks to really hurt whoever chooses to tackle him. Don't you love that? Wouldn't you love to see more professional QBs like that? I'll love it until he gets hurt from it, then I'll pretend I've always disapproved. Make a mental note. Wilson racked up 134 yards and Coale had a career-high of 118. Our offense is great... once it gets moving. Who should we blame for this? Stiney. Always blame Stiney.
Defense... well defense is a whole other ball game. You know Bud Foster goes to sleep at night (still chewing gum, with the lunch pail under his embroidered pillow saying, "Give 'em hell!") and thinks, "surely no one else will get hurt today." What is up with all the injuries? Bruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuce is out for the rest of the season with another one of the crazy Lisfranc sprains in his foot. The same injury took G-Dub out for the rest of the season. Gayle managed only a couple of plays until he went out, re-injuring his ankle from the Miami game. Tweedy went out with an ankle injury (with no return date known). Antoine Hopkins is out for the rest of the year with a knee injury. Hosley is still out indefinitely with his hammie. Bud's gotta be close to heart attack levels with his blood pressure. Crazy enough, though, we are still managing to hold our own. Corey Marshall, Barquell Rivers, and Tyrel Wilson all stepped up and did very well. Marshall had 5 tackles and a sack. Plus, Tariq Edwards got another important INT. As beat up as we are, we're doing awesome.
This week in college football was a little crazy:
- #3 Oklahoma lost to unranked Texas Tech
- #15 West Virginia lost to unranked Syracuse
- #6 Wisconsin lost to #16 Michigan State
- Unranked Miami upset #22 Georgia Tech
- Unranked Purdue beat #23 Illinois
Even with all that chaos, we still sit #12 BCS and #15 AP. Don't you wish we played the couch burners every year? Man, I miss them! We are now 7-1 (3-1 in the ACC)... and you know why that is scary like a Halloween costume? That means we are getting closer and closer to seeing Clemson again in December. Boo!
So, let's just keep on taking it one day at a time. Duke is up this weekend and I promise that I'll get you something on Friday. I'm awake/alive/out of the basement now so I'm available for all sorts of Duke research. I love making fun of preppy schools!
Until Friday...
Love dashing the hopes of boring little Herpys,
The B.S.C.
1. Baldwin, Jr. and I got into a scuffle on Sunday and I almost died. Call INOVA Fairfax. Baldwin, Jr. is still there. You don't want to even know what he looks like...
2. I fell asleep during the first half. I would appreciate a wake-up call before Tuesday, thanks.
3. Stiney invited me to a private meeting so that we could discuss more solid 3rd-down plays, and, once he learned how much I hate him, he locked me in the basement of PK's. I lived on wings and beer until someone rescued me Monday.
Yeah, yeah. So I'm late. Don't shoot the messenger! Sometimes, there just isn't much to say. I must say, though, that I didn't panic at half-time. I pretty much expect it. Don't get me wrong, it still makes me want to hurl, but I always figure that we'll get ourselves into gear eventually.
I am saddened by the Herpy drinking game. Why is Comcast so much better than ESPN? The only thing they liked to repeat over and over again is that the Giraffe is 6'6". I've finally realized that they like the clip of Wilson's hooptie ride, though, so I will make sure to include that in the next drinking game that they are covering. Again - WORLDWIDE LEADER IN SPORTS? Comcast kicked your ass, ESPN. You've become the U of sports broadcasting. Take that!
Once we finally got into our rhythm in the second half (after trailing at half-time 7-6), we looked like a decent team again. The Giraffe rushed for one and threw for one. I love that he runs down the field and looks to really hurt whoever chooses to tackle him. Don't you love that? Wouldn't you love to see more professional QBs like that? I'll love it until he gets hurt from it, then I'll pretend I've always disapproved. Make a mental note. Wilson racked up 134 yards and Coale had a career-high of 118. Our offense is great... once it gets moving. Who should we blame for this? Stiney. Always blame Stiney.
Defense... well defense is a whole other ball game. You know Bud Foster goes to sleep at night (still chewing gum, with the lunch pail under his embroidered pillow saying, "Give 'em hell!") and thinks, "surely no one else will get hurt today." What is up with all the injuries? Bruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuce is out for the rest of the season with another one of the crazy Lisfranc sprains in his foot. The same injury took G-Dub out for the rest of the season. Gayle managed only a couple of plays until he went out, re-injuring his ankle from the Miami game. Tweedy went out with an ankle injury (with no return date known). Antoine Hopkins is out for the rest of the year with a knee injury. Hosley is still out indefinitely with his hammie. Bud's gotta be close to heart attack levels with his blood pressure. Crazy enough, though, we are still managing to hold our own. Corey Marshall, Barquell Rivers, and Tyrel Wilson all stepped up and did very well. Marshall had 5 tackles and a sack. Plus, Tariq Edwards got another important INT. As beat up as we are, we're doing awesome.
This week in college football was a little crazy:
- #3 Oklahoma lost to unranked Texas Tech
- #15 West Virginia lost to unranked Syracuse
- #6 Wisconsin lost to #16 Michigan State
- Unranked Miami upset #22 Georgia Tech
- Unranked Purdue beat #23 Illinois
Even with all that chaos, we still sit #12 BCS and #15 AP. Don't you wish we played the couch burners every year? Man, I miss them! We are now 7-1 (3-1 in the ACC)... and you know why that is scary like a Halloween costume? That means we are getting closer and closer to seeing Clemson again in December. Boo!
So, let's just keep on taking it one day at a time. Duke is up this weekend and I promise that I'll get you something on Friday. I'm awake/alive/out of the basement now so I'm available for all sorts of Duke research. I love making fun of preppy schools!
Until Friday...
Love dashing the hopes of boring little Herpys,
The B.S.C.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Who IS Baldwin, Jr.?
What I really want to know is, who IS Baldwin, Jr.?
He exists. I'm telling you, Boston College, in all its snooty-privateness, says that he is an official mascot. Yet, I cannot locate a picture of him anywhere. I'm talking Google, the college website, YouTube... you name it, I've searched for him on it. I found this hilarious article about Baldwin Jr, but that is it. Zilch. Nada. Let me go ahead and clarify for you who the heck Baldwin, Jr. supposedly is. He IS an official mascot of Boston College. He is 9'6" tall, and he's inflatable. Apparently, he does stunts. His more popular, father, I guess you would say, is Baldwin the Eagle, the other official mascot of BC. He's the one you always see. If it weren't for the school's insistence that this is an official mascot, I would think it's all a hoax. Think: the yeti, Big Foot, the Monster of Loch Ness. You know, anything Josh Gates would investigate on Destination Truth. But, I know that BC doesn't have that much of a sense of humor. So where is he? Why isn't there a picture of him or a video? He's 9'6", for God's sake. He jumps on his head. Yet no one has a picture of it? This is a conspiracy!
I can't make too much fun of Baldwin, Sr. I love bad-ass birds as mascots. And yes, my tattoo is healing quite well, thank you. But something inflatable? That is comic genius! I NEED to find him. Please, please... if you can locate anything, report it on the comments section for me. I'll take foot molds, grainy pictures in the dark, EVPs, EMFs, and untraceable hairs. Anything! But since we have to settle for plain old Baldwin, Sr., I have a simple request. Please contact BC for a Mascot Appearance Request and ask how much it would cost to get Baldwin, Jr. at an appearance. That's right. Tell them that Sr. sucks big eagle eggs and you want Jr. to appear at your nephew's bar mitzvah or your cousin's wedding. If you can do that for me, we can all be friends. Thanks.
Now, I also need to point out here that back in the good old days, pre-PETA, BC had real bald eagle named... wait for it... Herpy. The name came from a student who said that since a remedy for hair loss at the time was called "herpicide", "Herpy" would be a good name for a bald eagle. And thus, the name stuck. Funny, though, that the poor eagle hated his life so much that he inflicted self-harm and eventually wound up at a zoo. I, being the kind-hearted animal lover that I am, would like to honor the former BC mascot by now referring to BC as the Herpys. I am so thoughtful, I know.
On a side note, how did Baldwin, Jr. get so tall? His father, Sr., is only 6'6"? Is he the love child of a giraffe and Sr.? Is he related to our Giraffe??? Scary. Also, if you think your mascot is so bad-ass, why would you create a taller one in the first place?
By the way, my official favorite Baldwin is Stephen.
So here we are. Homecoming in Lane Stadium. It's going to be low-60s and sunny. What does that mean? Heaven. If you are going down, I'm jealous. I'll be sitting this one out on the couch again. If you are going to be riding sofa with me, don't worry, I have plans for you. Just wait.
So, the Herpys come into to this game in last place in the Atlantic Division. We are in second in the Coastal behind Georgia Tech. Right off the bat, we have to recognize that the Herpys suck because their colors are maroon and gold. Maroon looks awful with anything other than burnt orange. Enough said. Their record is 1-5, being 0-3 in the ACC. This is the 20th match-up between the Herpys and the Hokies. We lead the series 13-6.
The Herpys consider us an official rival per the Herpy website. Along with us, they list Miami, Clemson, and Notre Dame. I didn't realize we were really rivals... but hey, if that means they are scared of us, I'll take it.
The Herpys start sophomore QB Chase Rettig, who is nothing special. I'm kinda confused as to who is starting at RB. Sorry. Apparently I need to follow the Herpys more; I tend to keep my distance from them for, you know, sanitary reasons. Their star RB, Montel Harris, hurt his knee. I'm assuming he's out because the team asked the NCAA for medical hardship waivers for him and senior defensive tackle, Kaleb Ramsey, on October 9th. Harris' back-up, Andre Williams, is also out (I think). It appears that they are trying to fill in Harris' shoes with Rolandan Finch, aka, "Deuce", and Tahj Kimble. "Deuce" is just too easy. I'm not even gonna go there. The receivers to watch will be Bobby Swigert and Chris Pantale. Their best player is All-American linebacker Luke Kuechly. Look for him to pressure us constantly and rack up a lot of tackles. We'll have to see what offensive line shows up for us this week. Let's hope it isn't the one from the first quarter of the Wake game. Our only other worries on D are linebacker Kevin Pierre-Louis and defensive back Jim Noel.
The Herpys are led by Frank Spaziani, aka, "Spaz". He's in his third season as head coach of the Herpys. He's been their Defensive Coordinator since 1999. SpazUVA - 4 years as the D-backs coach and 5 as the D-Coordinator. Why does everyone link to UVA? Did he also tuck his sweatshirt into his khakis as a child? The Spaz also graduated from Penn State, where he was a star (so they say) D-end and began his coaching career as a graduate assistant under Gramps. So many people have worked with or played for Gramps that I've lost track. I'm going to stop paying attention to Penn State... oh wait! I did that a decade ago!
The Spaz has quite the line-up after us: Maryland, Florida State, NC State (home of brother Glennon), Notre Dame, and Miami. It is certainly possible for them to lose each and every one of these games. It must hurt to be a Herpy.
We are ranked #12 on the BCS and #16 on the AP. Go Hokies! Wilson is currently 5th in the nation in rushing, averaging 129 yards per game. Boykin is now tied for 4th all-time TDs with Josh Morgan with 16. I think he can pass Morgan tomorrow, no problem. Are you excited for Homecoming? You should be! This is the stuff that makes our stats look good. No ulcers tomorrow. Or strokes.
As promised, I have come up with a simple little drinking game for those of you riding the couch with me. Cheers!
They show a clip of Flutie's Hail Mary. Drink 5.
They mention Flutie's Hail Mary. Drink 2.
They talk about Matt Ryan. Drink 1.
They talk about Beamerball. Drink 6.
They show the lunch pail. Drink 3.
They say "Spaz". Drink 2.
They talk about Vick. Drink 4.
They say the Giraffe is 6'6". Drink 10.
They call the Giraffe the Big "L". Drink 3.
They show a graphic of the tallest QBs in college football. Just finish your drink.
They say something stupid. Drink 1. (We don't need you to get alcohol poisoning.)
So there it is... Homecoming against the Herpys. Wash your hands. Put on some ointment or something. Just make sure you're ready to watch the Giraffe create some magic. I'm feeling it today. The tattoo says that good things are to come.
Love [imaginary] inflatable mascots,
The B.S.C.
He exists. I'm telling you, Boston College, in all its snooty-privateness, says that he is an official mascot. Yet, I cannot locate a picture of him anywhere. I'm talking Google, the college website, YouTube... you name it, I've searched for him on it. I found this hilarious article about Baldwin Jr, but that is it. Zilch. Nada. Let me go ahead and clarify for you who the heck Baldwin, Jr. supposedly is. He IS an official mascot of Boston College. He is 9'6" tall, and he's inflatable. Apparently, he does stunts. His more popular, father, I guess you would say, is Baldwin the Eagle, the other official mascot of BC. He's the one you always see. If it weren't for the school's insistence that this is an official mascot, I would think it's all a hoax. Think: the yeti, Big Foot, the Monster of Loch Ness. You know, anything Josh Gates would investigate on Destination Truth. But, I know that BC doesn't have that much of a sense of humor. So where is he? Why isn't there a picture of him or a video? He's 9'6", for God's sake. He jumps on his head. Yet no one has a picture of it? This is a conspiracy!
I can't make too much fun of Baldwin, Sr. I love bad-ass birds as mascots. And yes, my tattoo is healing quite well, thank you. But something inflatable? That is comic genius! I NEED to find him. Please, please... if you can locate anything, report it on the comments section for me. I'll take foot molds, grainy pictures in the dark, EVPs, EMFs, and untraceable hairs. Anything! But since we have to settle for plain old Baldwin, Sr., I have a simple request. Please contact BC for a Mascot Appearance Request and ask how much it would cost to get Baldwin, Jr. at an appearance. That's right. Tell them that Sr. sucks big eagle eggs and you want Jr. to appear at your nephew's bar mitzvah or your cousin's wedding. If you can do that for me, we can all be friends. Thanks.
Now, I also need to point out here that back in the good old days, pre-PETA, BC had real bald eagle named... wait for it... Herpy. The name came from a student who said that since a remedy for hair loss at the time was called "herpicide", "Herpy" would be a good name for a bald eagle. And thus, the name stuck. Funny, though, that the poor eagle hated his life so much that he inflicted self-harm and eventually wound up at a zoo. I, being the kind-hearted animal lover that I am, would like to honor the former BC mascot by now referring to BC as the Herpys. I am so thoughtful, I know.
On a side note, how did Baldwin, Jr. get so tall? His father, Sr., is only 6'6"? Is he the love child of a giraffe and Sr.? Is he related to our Giraffe??? Scary. Also, if you think your mascot is so bad-ass, why would you create a taller one in the first place?
By the way, my official favorite Baldwin is Stephen.
So here we are. Homecoming in Lane Stadium. It's going to be low-60s and sunny. What does that mean? Heaven. If you are going down, I'm jealous. I'll be sitting this one out on the couch again. If you are going to be riding sofa with me, don't worry, I have plans for you. Just wait.
So, the Herpys come into to this game in last place in the Atlantic Division. We are in second in the Coastal behind Georgia Tech. Right off the bat, we have to recognize that the Herpys suck because their colors are maroon and gold. Maroon looks awful with anything other than burnt orange. Enough said. Their record is 1-5, being 0-3 in the ACC. This is the 20th match-up between the Herpys and the Hokies. We lead the series 13-6.
The Herpys consider us an official rival per the Herpy website. Along with us, they list Miami, Clemson, and Notre Dame. I didn't realize we were really rivals... but hey, if that means they are scared of us, I'll take it.
The Herpys start sophomore QB Chase Rettig, who is nothing special. I'm kinda confused as to who is starting at RB. Sorry. Apparently I need to follow the Herpys more; I tend to keep my distance from them for, you know, sanitary reasons. Their star RB, Montel Harris, hurt his knee. I'm assuming he's out because the team asked the NCAA for medical hardship waivers for him and senior defensive tackle, Kaleb Ramsey, on October 9th. Harris' back-up, Andre Williams, is also out (I think). It appears that they are trying to fill in Harris' shoes with Rolandan Finch, aka, "Deuce", and Tahj Kimble. "Deuce" is just too easy. I'm not even gonna go there. The receivers to watch will be Bobby Swigert and Chris Pantale. Their best player is All-American linebacker Luke Kuechly. Look for him to pressure us constantly and rack up a lot of tackles. We'll have to see what offensive line shows up for us this week. Let's hope it isn't the one from the first quarter of the Wake game. Our only other worries on D are linebacker Kevin Pierre-Louis and defensive back Jim Noel.
The Herpys are led by Frank Spaziani, aka, "Spaz". He's in his third season as head coach of the Herpys. He's been their Defensive Coordinator since 1999. SpazUVA - 4 years as the D-backs coach and 5 as the D-Coordinator. Why does everyone link to UVA? Did he also tuck his sweatshirt into his khakis as a child? The Spaz also graduated from Penn State, where he was a star (so they say) D-end and began his coaching career as a graduate assistant under Gramps. So many people have worked with or played for Gramps that I've lost track. I'm going to stop paying attention to Penn State... oh wait! I did that a decade ago!
The Spaz has quite the line-up after us: Maryland, Florida State, NC State (home of brother Glennon), Notre Dame, and Miami. It is certainly possible for them to lose each and every one of these games. It must hurt to be a Herpy.
We are ranked #12 on the BCS and #16 on the AP. Go Hokies! Wilson is currently 5th in the nation in rushing, averaging 129 yards per game. Boykin is now tied for 4th all-time TDs with Josh Morgan with 16. I think he can pass Morgan tomorrow, no problem. Are you excited for Homecoming? You should be! This is the stuff that makes our stats look good. No ulcers tomorrow. Or strokes.
As promised, I have come up with a simple little drinking game for those of you riding the couch with me. Cheers!
They show a clip of Flutie's Hail Mary. Drink 5.
They mention Flutie's Hail Mary. Drink 2.
They talk about Matt Ryan. Drink 1.
They talk about Beamerball. Drink 6.
They show the lunch pail. Drink 3.
They say "Spaz". Drink 2.
They talk about Vick. Drink 4.
They say the Giraffe is 6'6". Drink 10.
They call the Giraffe the Big "L". Drink 3.
They show a graphic of the tallest QBs in college football. Just finish your drink.
They say something stupid. Drink 1. (We don't need you to get alcohol poisoning.)
So there it is... Homecoming against the Herpys. Wash your hands. Put on some ointment or something. Just make sure you're ready to watch the Giraffe create some magic. I'm feeling it today. The tattoo says that good things are to come.
Love [imaginary] inflatable mascots,
The B.S.C.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
H-O-K-I-E-S, HOKIES!
I know that as you plugged in your laptop to your TV, you thought, "Why the hell does ESPN3 feel the need to go by watchespn.com?" There was still an ESPN3 logo at the bottom of the screen. Why are they trying to be confusing? And seriously, isn't ESPN supposed to be the worldwide leader in sports? Those announcers were awful. AWFUL. We'll discuss more about them later.
That first quarter was horrendous. Maybe it was because my Internet connection would get slow and the TV would look like a bootleg copy of Madden. Thanks a lot, Al Gore. Maybe the Hokies actually got slower with my Internet... hmm... we could be on to something there. Regardless, it was just like the second half of the Miami game. We had absolutely no run defense. Having Gayle, Hopkins, and G-Dub out is really having an impact on us. Let's hope Bud can whip these new guys into shape quickly. We slowly got better throughout the game, but having those 3 out makes a noticeable difference.
The first way the announcers showed their idiocy was by calling the Giraffe "Big L". Then, of course, like every game, they showed the graphic of the tallest QBs in the league. Big L. Wow. That is some creative writing over there at ESPN. I bet I could get a job writing that gold.
I was keeping track of our possessions for a little while. This is how they went. Note: this is not necessarily completely accurate. Due to the amount of alcohol I was forced to consume during the 1st quarter, my notes may be a little off.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1st poss. - 3 and out. Woohoo! We're looking awesome. Punt.
2nd poss. - Giraffe called an audible. An AUDIBLE! Did he not listen to my scorn regarding this a week or two ago? And what did the audible get us? He threw it... to NO ONE. Result: another 3 and out. WTF is up with our O-line??? 24-yard punt.
[I must break here to mention the second example of announcer idiocy. That long pass to Givens... you remember it, I know you do. Hosley was catching up to him, grabbed his hamstring, and then stopped running. What did the announcers say? "He was outrun." Bastards.]
3rd poss. - Didn't get even 1 yard. BIG FAT GOOSE EGG. Good ol' Stiney went down the field Hail-Mary style on 3rd and 10. Result? Punt.
4th poss. - FINALLY threw to Boykin. Remember him? Our best receiver? Oh yeah, took us 4 possessions to get him the ball. On 3rd and 2, we ... wait for it... run to the outside! Brilliant call by Stiney! Another punt.
[The announcers still haven't said anything regarding Hosley. But he has disappeared...]
End of 1st quarter. 10-0. Time to make another drink!
5th poss. - yet ANOTHER attempted pass to Marcus Davis. Why do we keep throwing to him? It was almost intercepted. Throw to Boykin - FIRST DOWN! Amazing! Running game still isn't doing jack. Once again, went for the long-ball down the field on 3rd down. Another punt. Apparently the offense from the Clemson game showed up. Sad.
6th poss. - Screen to Wilson. Nice! Throw to Boykin. QB keeper for the TD! 7-10
Kick-off out of bounds. Lovely.
7th poss. - Great run by Wilson. TD, Boykin! 14-10
[The third instance of ESPN idiocy appeared at this point. They put up a graphic of Coale and Boykin, with their numbers mixed up. How hard is it guys, really?]
Are they ever going to talk about the Tech sideline?? Price is now having issues - the O-line of the Lenos is collapsing.
8th poss. - Insanely awful sack after a 1st down. What was the Giraffe thinking?? Punt inside the 5. Nice!
Seriously? The DDs have lawn seating?
[41 seconds left in the 2nd quarter, and the brilliant ESPN crew has finally mentioned that Hosley is out due to a hamstring injury. Wow. Idiocy #4.]
INTERCEPTION by #24, Edwards!
Big reception by Drager... I love him!
[Random replay of us tackling a Leno from earlier in the game... while we still have the ball. Idiocy #5.]
TD! Thomas with the keeper! Stiney has finally listened to me for play-calling on 3rd and short.
[1st play of the 2nd half, idiocy #6: The announcers say Thomas is going to be sacked. Oh wait. First down. Oops.]
TD! Wilson!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It was all uphill from here, so I'll save you my notes from this point on. It's hard for me to decipher them anyway. I appreciate Stiney sticking to the run. It paid off eventually. Marcus Davis even scored his own TD at one point, so I got off my rant about constantly trying to throw to him by the end of the game.
Did you see #8, Bonner? He filled in for Hosley. He was pretty flippin' awesome. I'm excited about seeing more of him next year. Did you also see Wilson run so fast that he ran out of his shoe? The man is insane.
Our road streak winning record increased to 11, the best in the nation. You saw the stupid Sprint, Capital One Venture card, SW Airlines, and Toyota Venza commercials so many times that you probably dreamed about meeting a cave man on plane and showing him on your sprint phone how great a Venza would be for his parents. Because they are only for old people, right?
I think we successfully kept the Lenos out of the polls. They did sorta look a little foolish by the end of the game. Not that having the DD ride in on a motorcycle helped with his street cred at all; he has on a top hat and tails! It doesn't matter what you do to him, he's going to look uptight and goofy.
It was a good weekend to be a Hokie. The tatt is proving to be good luck. Next up, your now #16 ranked Hokies meet Boston College at Lane Stadium for Homecoming. I have a feeling that this will be a fun one.
Love vodka and QB keepers,
The B.S.C.
That first quarter was horrendous. Maybe it was because my Internet connection would get slow and the TV would look like a bootleg copy of Madden. Thanks a lot, Al Gore. Maybe the Hokies actually got slower with my Internet... hmm... we could be on to something there. Regardless, it was just like the second half of the Miami game. We had absolutely no run defense. Having Gayle, Hopkins, and G-Dub out is really having an impact on us. Let's hope Bud can whip these new guys into shape quickly. We slowly got better throughout the game, but having those 3 out makes a noticeable difference.
The first way the announcers showed their idiocy was by calling the Giraffe "Big L". Then, of course, like every game, they showed the graphic of the tallest QBs in the league. Big L. Wow. That is some creative writing over there at ESPN. I bet I could get a job writing that gold.
I was keeping track of our possessions for a little while. This is how they went. Note: this is not necessarily completely accurate. Due to the amount of alcohol I was forced to consume during the 1st quarter, my notes may be a little off.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1st poss. - 3 and out. Woohoo! We're looking awesome. Punt.
2nd poss. - Giraffe called an audible. An AUDIBLE! Did he not listen to my scorn regarding this a week or two ago? And what did the audible get us? He threw it... to NO ONE. Result: another 3 and out. WTF is up with our O-line??? 24-yard punt.
[I must break here to mention the second example of announcer idiocy. That long pass to Givens... you remember it, I know you do. Hosley was catching up to him, grabbed his hamstring, and then stopped running. What did the announcers say? "He was outrun." Bastards.]
3rd poss. - Didn't get even 1 yard. BIG FAT GOOSE EGG. Good ol' Stiney went down the field Hail-Mary style on 3rd and 10. Result? Punt.
4th poss. - FINALLY threw to Boykin. Remember him? Our best receiver? Oh yeah, took us 4 possessions to get him the ball. On 3rd and 2, we ... wait for it... run to the outside! Brilliant call by Stiney! Another punt.
[The announcers still haven't said anything regarding Hosley. But he has disappeared...]
End of 1st quarter. 10-0. Time to make another drink!
5th poss. - yet ANOTHER attempted pass to Marcus Davis. Why do we keep throwing to him? It was almost intercepted. Throw to Boykin - FIRST DOWN! Amazing! Running game still isn't doing jack. Once again, went for the long-ball down the field on 3rd down. Another punt. Apparently the offense from the Clemson game showed up. Sad.
6th poss. - Screen to Wilson. Nice! Throw to Boykin. QB keeper for the TD! 7-10
Kick-off out of bounds. Lovely.
7th poss. - Great run by Wilson. TD, Boykin! 14-10
[The third instance of ESPN idiocy appeared at this point. They put up a graphic of Coale and Boykin, with their numbers mixed up. How hard is it guys, really?]
Are they ever going to talk about the Tech sideline?? Price is now having issues - the O-line of the Lenos is collapsing.
8th poss. - Insanely awful sack after a 1st down. What was the Giraffe thinking?? Punt inside the 5. Nice!
Seriously? The DDs have lawn seating?
[41 seconds left in the 2nd quarter, and the brilliant ESPN crew has finally mentioned that Hosley is out due to a hamstring injury. Wow. Idiocy #4.]
INTERCEPTION by #24, Edwards!
Big reception by Drager... I love him!
[Random replay of us tackling a Leno from earlier in the game... while we still have the ball. Idiocy #5.]
TD! Thomas with the keeper! Stiney has finally listened to me for play-calling on 3rd and short.
[1st play of the 2nd half, idiocy #6: The announcers say Thomas is going to be sacked. Oh wait. First down. Oops.]
TD! Wilson!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It was all uphill from here, so I'll save you my notes from this point on. It's hard for me to decipher them anyway. I appreciate Stiney sticking to the run. It paid off eventually. Marcus Davis even scored his own TD at one point, so I got off my rant about constantly trying to throw to him by the end of the game.
Did you see #8, Bonner? He filled in for Hosley. He was pretty flippin' awesome. I'm excited about seeing more of him next year. Did you also see Wilson run so fast that he ran out of his shoe? The man is insane.
Our road streak winning record increased to 11, the best in the nation. You saw the stupid Sprint, Capital One Venture card, SW Airlines, and Toyota Venza commercials so many times that you probably dreamed about meeting a cave man on plane and showing him on your sprint phone how great a Venza would be for his parents. Because they are only for old people, right?
I think we successfully kept the Lenos out of the polls. They did sorta look a little foolish by the end of the game. Not that having the DD ride in on a motorcycle helped with his street cred at all; he has on a top hat and tails! It doesn't matter what you do to him, he's going to look uptight and goofy.
It was a good weekend to be a Hokie. The tatt is proving to be good luck. Next up, your now #16 ranked Hokies meet Boston College at Lane Stadium for Homecoming. I have a feeling that this will be a fun one.
Love vodka and QB keepers,
The B.S.C.
Friday, October 14, 2011
If Jay Leno Was a Mascot...
I know you are asking yourself, "Didn't we just play in North Carolina?" Why yes, yes we did. This is game number 2 for the Hokies in the great state of NC. We'll be back again for the Dukies soon, and well, as much as it scares me to even think it... we could be back again to face Clemson (gulp) again for the ACC Championship. "But B.S.C., why do we play in North Carolina so much?" you ask? Ohhh... I don't know. Isn't ECU just the perfect series to get us into contention for a National Championship? Hahaha! OK, OK. Stop rolling around on the floor. We all know why we visit the stupid state of oval stickers (you know who you are), dunes and golfers. Jim Weaver. Evil Jim. Master of Hokie Athletics. He's in love with the state. I cannot comprehend any other reason for the ECU series. Can you? I thought not. Nevertheless, we're back.
I'm not really complaining. Since joining the ACC in 2004 we are 11-0 in ACC games played in NC. I'll take that stat any day. Plus, many nice things have come out of NC. Most notably, our own Frank Beamer hails from Mount Airy, the birthplace of Mayberry. Andy, Barney, Goober, Aunt Bee... and Beamer. Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?
Alright, so now that we've thoroughly flushed out our dealings with North Carolina, let's get to business. We are going up against Wake Forest. They are 4-1 this year, 3-0 in the ACC. The Demon Deacons have a ridiculous-looking mascot who wears a top hat and tails. And, is it just me or does he really look like Jay Leno? I don't know if that is what they were going for when they designed the costume, but that's what they got. And why is Leno so snooty? Top hat? Tails? Is he going to the prom?
The DD's celebrate the oh-so-colorful school colors of black and "old gold". Yes, that's right. To you, old gold might bring back memories of this... and if so, shame on you. But if not, just know that MANY other college teams use old gold as an official color, including Georgia Tech, ECU and ... wait for it... West Virginia. Eww. I know. But you know, the DD's head coach hails from WV, so it's only fitting. And the whole snootiness thing also works really well for him. He graduated from UVA twice ('75 and '78) with a bachelors and a masters. I wonder if he tucks his sweatshirts into his khakis?
Jim Grobe, Mr. WV/UVA, is looking for his 100th win this Saturday as a head coach. And you know what? We should be kinda scared. Last Saturday, the DD's upset #23 Florida State in Winston-Salem. This is the first year that they have been 3-0 in the ACC, and there are rumors that they might edge their way into the college football rankings shortly. The Jay Lenos have not beaten the Hokies at home since 1970. Ouch is right! But this is a good team. Very good.
The Lenos are led by QB Tanner Price, tailback Josh Harris, and receivers Chris Givens, Danny Dembry, and Michael Campanaro. Kyle Wilber is their sack machine, so look for him to pressure the Giraffe all day. This team is #48 in the country on total offense. G-Dub is out for the season with a crazy ankle sprain that requires surgery, so look for new players on D like Alonzo Tweedy. Remember how bad we looked during the second half of the Miami game? This could be a repeat. You should be scared. I'm terrified. The Lenos have only been behind in points for 5 minutes and 31 seconds this ENTIRE SEASON. They lost their first game to Syracuse in OT. Since then, they've won four-straight, including ranked FL State, NC State, and Boston College.
I'm going to drink. That's what I recommend for you. I'm not making the drive down to Winston-Salem because, well, I'm too lazy. The tailgating will be much nicer on my couch, I guarantee it. And although the game will probably be similar to a '60's NFL broadcast due to the fact that I have to hook up the computer to the TV to watch it, well, I think it's going to be pretty interesting and entertaining.
Bud needs to figure out what to do with a decent offense with holes in our lineup. Stiney, well... Stiney can call in sick. Which offense will show up for us? Who knows. Let's cross our fingers and pray that the one from last weekend does.
In order to solidify my hard-core, bad-ass, Bear Grylls-ness, I got this today while off from work:
Awesome, I know.
Well, have a drink in hand and enjoy this one. If the Giraffe is in it like he was last week, we'll make the Lenos look foolish and crush their hopes of falling into the top 25. Wouldn't that be fun?
Love bad-ass Hokie tatts,
The B.S.C.
I'm not really complaining. Since joining the ACC in 2004 we are 11-0 in ACC games played in NC. I'll take that stat any day. Plus, many nice things have come out of NC. Most notably, our own Frank Beamer hails from Mount Airy, the birthplace of Mayberry. Andy, Barney, Goober, Aunt Bee... and Beamer. Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?
Alright, so now that we've thoroughly flushed out our dealings with North Carolina, let's get to business. We are going up against Wake Forest. They are 4-1 this year, 3-0 in the ACC. The Demon Deacons have a ridiculous-looking mascot who wears a top hat and tails. And, is it just me or does he really look like Jay Leno? I don't know if that is what they were going for when they designed the costume, but that's what they got. And why is Leno so snooty? Top hat? Tails? Is he going to the prom?
The DD's celebrate the oh-so-colorful school colors of black and "old gold". Yes, that's right. To you, old gold might bring back memories of this... and if so, shame on you. But if not, just know that MANY other college teams use old gold as an official color, including Georgia Tech, ECU and ... wait for it... West Virginia. Eww. I know. But you know, the DD's head coach hails from WV, so it's only fitting. And the whole snootiness thing also works really well for him. He graduated from UVA twice ('75 and '78) with a bachelors and a masters. I wonder if he tucks his sweatshirts into his khakis?
Jim Grobe, Mr. WV/UVA, is looking for his 100th win this Saturday as a head coach. And you know what? We should be kinda scared. Last Saturday, the DD's upset #23 Florida State in Winston-Salem. This is the first year that they have been 3-0 in the ACC, and there are rumors that they might edge their way into the college football rankings shortly. The Jay Lenos have not beaten the Hokies at home since 1970. Ouch is right! But this is a good team. Very good.
The Lenos are led by QB Tanner Price, tailback Josh Harris, and receivers Chris Givens, Danny Dembry, and Michael Campanaro. Kyle Wilber is their sack machine, so look for him to pressure the Giraffe all day. This team is #48 in the country on total offense. G-Dub is out for the season with a crazy ankle sprain that requires surgery, so look for new players on D like Alonzo Tweedy. Remember how bad we looked during the second half of the Miami game? This could be a repeat. You should be scared. I'm terrified. The Lenos have only been behind in points for 5 minutes and 31 seconds this ENTIRE SEASON. They lost their first game to Syracuse in OT. Since then, they've won four-straight, including ranked FL State, NC State, and Boston College.
I'm going to drink. That's what I recommend for you. I'm not making the drive down to Winston-Salem because, well, I'm too lazy. The tailgating will be much nicer on my couch, I guarantee it. And although the game will probably be similar to a '60's NFL broadcast due to the fact that I have to hook up the computer to the TV to watch it, well, I think it's going to be pretty interesting and entertaining.
Bud needs to figure out what to do with a decent offense with holes in our lineup. Stiney, well... Stiney can call in sick. Which offense will show up for us? Who knows. Let's cross our fingers and pray that the one from last weekend does.
In order to solidify my hard-core, bad-ass, Bear Grylls-ness, I got this today while off from work:
Awesome, I know.
Well, have a drink in hand and enjoy this one. If the Giraffe is in it like he was last week, we'll make the Lenos look foolish and crush their hopes of falling into the top 25. Wouldn't that be fun?
Love bad-ass Hokie tatts,
The B.S.C.
Monday, October 10, 2011
I Almost Had a Stroke, Part II (and got an ulcer)
The ulcer is finally fading away. It took me a good 45 minutes just to recover from the last few minutes of the game. It's a good thing that I had to stand in line at El Rod for 45 minutes. It got me to come back to my senses.
We damn near lost it. LOST IT. What was amazingly wonderful could have been amazingly horrendous minus one crazy-ass QB keeper run down the middle with less than 1 minute to play. Crazy. Scary. Exhilarating.
Don't get me wrong... I don't have season tickets. But have they ever played Enter Sandman at the end of a game? Not just once, but twice? The techno song sucked, but I was like, "oh well, they are trying to get us pumped up and they can't play Enter Sandman." Then...it came. It was a miracle! Not once, but twice! That is why we won. Don't get me wrong, the Giraffe had an excellent game, but Enter Sandman saved us. Thank you, Metallica. Your video intro, although ill-timed with the jumping, was worth it if it enabled us to play your song three times on Saturday.
The weather was awesome. Where was that last week? I'd almost forgotten about the Clemson spanking with the warm air and helicopter flyover, but then I started to feel the ulcer in the second half. I know I'm usually very down on us and snarky, but I have to admit that we looked pretty good. I'm not going to blame our defense for the second half. I knew the second half would be scary; I had hoped it wouldn't be THAT scary. But we lost G-Dub (Gouveia-Winslow) and Gayle, and that really, really hurt our D. We were weak due to injuries and it showed. The only thing I can complain about is the stupid-ass unsportsmanlike conduct penalty that gave Miami a first down. That was the stupidest thing I've ever seen. Why would you throw the ball at the opposing team's QB with the game literally on the line? Insanity. I bet Bud blew a fuse when that happened. I know I did.
Thomas had an excellent game. He had 310 yards and was 23 for 25, with a 92% completion rate. This was a completion rating record under Beamer. He even ran 2 into the end zone himself, not to mention had 3 passing TD's. Vote for the Giraffe here. He is nominated for the Manning Award Star of the Week through the Allstate Sugar Bowl. What else can I say about Thomas? He looked excellent. He looked like he wanted to be a QB and he looked like he wasn't going to let the Clemson game define him. I'm proud, very proud. Think of how scary-good he'll be in a year or two!
Wilson had his fifth 100+ yard game of the season with 128 yards. Danny Coale moved up the ranks and now stands at second behind Boykin in career receptions, and he's 4th in career receiving yardage behind Antonio Freeman. With just 37 more yards, he will take over the 3rd spot from Freeman.
Did you see us punt? Well, I know I should shun the punting, but since Beamer doesn't read this blog and didn't follow my advice, I'll just take whatever I can get. He put in a TRUE FRESHMAN! If you were there, you heard the cheers. Michael Branthover, who hails from glorious DeMatha HS in MD, got the call to start on Saturday. He averaged 42 yards per punt between his 2 punts. I'll take that average any day. Just lose the shaggy do, Biebs, or that is going to remain your nickname.
What else was awesome? Did you see G-Dub stop the fake field goal attempt in the first quarter for a two-yard loss? I'm so proud of G-Dub! Bruuuuuuuuuuuuuuce was excellent, as always. Boykin broke the Hokies' career receiving yardage record. He's bad-ass, just like Danny Coale. I have high hopes for both of them on my fantasy team in upcoming years.
Shayne Graham was inducted into the Virginia Tech Hall of Fame, which was well-timed and well-deserved. He was an insanely good kicker for us. Tyrod was there, too! Did you see him? I know you saw Bryan Randall. He got two nice standing ovations, which were also well-deserved.
My two pet peeves (did you think I was going to be perky the whole article?) centered around the blonde in front of me:
1. Do not text during the entire game. You are there, in person, for a reason. If you want to sit at home and flirt with the guys 20 rows behind you, then stay at home and watch it on TV. This isn't time to flirt and giggle. Your job is to watch the game and make noise. I don't mind a text here and there. Sometimes there are needed when trying to make former classmates jealous of the fact you are there and they aren't. But every 2 minutes is annoying, especially when you turn around each time and giggle.
2. Do not ask for Tyrod, e.g., "WE WANT TYYYYYRRRRODDDD!!!" We're over this, as Hokie fans. Tyrod was bad-ass and he is sitting back-up to Flacco for Baltimore. He doesn't want to come back to college football. We need the Giraffe to find himself and get better. That is what this season is all about. Calling for Tyrod when, well, we had arguably the finest performance by a Tech QB EVER... makes you sound like an idiot. A drunk, drunk idiot.
ohhhhh, I love Lane Stadium! It was scary but it was worth it. It still "Sucks to be U". I will continue to wear my shirt with pride. I will continue to hate Miami because they almost beat us. And I will now say that their turn-out was pathetic. Clemson travelled better than they did.
Next up: Wake Forest. What team will show up? Let's hope the one who beat the Candy Canes does.
Love for the Sandman,
The B.S.C.
Legal Disclaimer: The B.S.C. does not discriminate based on hair color or soberness.
We damn near lost it. LOST IT. What was amazingly wonderful could have been amazingly horrendous minus one crazy-ass QB keeper run down the middle with less than 1 minute to play. Crazy. Scary. Exhilarating.
Don't get me wrong... I don't have season tickets. But have they ever played Enter Sandman at the end of a game? Not just once, but twice? The techno song sucked, but I was like, "oh well, they are trying to get us pumped up and they can't play Enter Sandman." Then...it came. It was a miracle! Not once, but twice! That is why we won. Don't get me wrong, the Giraffe had an excellent game, but Enter Sandman saved us. Thank you, Metallica. Your video intro, although ill-timed with the jumping, was worth it if it enabled us to play your song three times on Saturday.
The weather was awesome. Where was that last week? I'd almost forgotten about the Clemson spanking with the warm air and helicopter flyover, but then I started to feel the ulcer in the second half. I know I'm usually very down on us and snarky, but I have to admit that we looked pretty good. I'm not going to blame our defense for the second half. I knew the second half would be scary; I had hoped it wouldn't be THAT scary. But we lost G-Dub (Gouveia-Winslow) and Gayle, and that really, really hurt our D. We were weak due to injuries and it showed. The only thing I can complain about is the stupid-ass unsportsmanlike conduct penalty that gave Miami a first down. That was the stupidest thing I've ever seen. Why would you throw the ball at the opposing team's QB with the game literally on the line? Insanity. I bet Bud blew a fuse when that happened. I know I did.
Thomas had an excellent game. He had 310 yards and was 23 for 25, with a 92% completion rate. This was a completion rating record under Beamer. He even ran 2 into the end zone himself, not to mention had 3 passing TD's. Vote for the Giraffe here. He is nominated for the Manning Award Star of the Week through the Allstate Sugar Bowl. What else can I say about Thomas? He looked excellent. He looked like he wanted to be a QB and he looked like he wasn't going to let the Clemson game define him. I'm proud, very proud. Think of how scary-good he'll be in a year or two!
Wilson had his fifth 100+ yard game of the season with 128 yards. Danny Coale moved up the ranks and now stands at second behind Boykin in career receptions, and he's 4th in career receiving yardage behind Antonio Freeman. With just 37 more yards, he will take over the 3rd spot from Freeman.
Did you see us punt? Well, I know I should shun the punting, but since Beamer doesn't read this blog and didn't follow my advice, I'll just take whatever I can get. He put in a TRUE FRESHMAN! If you were there, you heard the cheers. Michael Branthover, who hails from glorious DeMatha HS in MD, got the call to start on Saturday. He averaged 42 yards per punt between his 2 punts. I'll take that average any day. Just lose the shaggy do, Biebs, or that is going to remain your nickname.
What else was awesome? Did you see G-Dub stop the fake field goal attempt in the first quarter for a two-yard loss? I'm so proud of G-Dub! Bruuuuuuuuuuuuuuce was excellent, as always. Boykin broke the Hokies' career receiving yardage record. He's bad-ass, just like Danny Coale. I have high hopes for both of them on my fantasy team in upcoming years.
Shayne Graham was inducted into the Virginia Tech Hall of Fame, which was well-timed and well-deserved. He was an insanely good kicker for us. Tyrod was there, too! Did you see him? I know you saw Bryan Randall. He got two nice standing ovations, which were also well-deserved.
My two pet peeves (did you think I was going to be perky the whole article?) centered around the blonde in front of me:
1. Do not text during the entire game. You are there, in person, for a reason. If you want to sit at home and flirt with the guys 20 rows behind you, then stay at home and watch it on TV. This isn't time to flirt and giggle. Your job is to watch the game and make noise. I don't mind a text here and there. Sometimes there are needed when trying to make former classmates jealous of the fact you are there and they aren't. But every 2 minutes is annoying, especially when you turn around each time and giggle.
2. Do not ask for Tyrod, e.g., "WE WANT TYYYYYRRRRODDDD!!!" We're over this, as Hokie fans. Tyrod was bad-ass and he is sitting back-up to Flacco for Baltimore. He doesn't want to come back to college football. We need the Giraffe to find himself and get better. That is what this season is all about. Calling for Tyrod when, well, we had arguably the finest performance by a Tech QB EVER... makes you sound like an idiot. A drunk, drunk idiot.
ohhhhh, I love Lane Stadium! It was scary but it was worth it. It still "Sucks to be U". I will continue to wear my shirt with pride. I will continue to hate Miami because they almost beat us. And I will now say that their turn-out was pathetic. Clemson travelled better than they did.
Next up: Wake Forest. What team will show up? Let's hope the one who beat the Candy Canes does.
Love for the Sandman,
The B.S.C.
Legal Disclaimer: The B.S.C. does not discriminate based on hair color or soberness.
Friday, October 7, 2011
Hokies Respect, My Ass
Let me just put this out there: no more punting. Let's go for it on every 4th down. If we choke, fine. It can't be worse than an 11-yard punt. Nothing is worse than that. At least other coaches in the league would think that Beamer is bad-ass for never punting. We'll say that we do it because we have THAT MUCH confidence in The Giraffe. Yes, yes... that's the reason. This is the nicest way I could think of to discuss our punting situation, so I'll just leave it at that.
Well, well, well. Here we are. The U. I don't know how I managed to get tickets for this game. This is the game you always want to go to because it has the possibility of being awesome. But then when the time comes to pack up and drive down 81, you realize how flippin' scary this game always is, and you wonder why you didn't just decide to sit this one out on your couch. Well, I know why! Because you're a Hokie, dammit! You will endure the obnoxious Miami fans and whatever inclement weather the New River Valley may bring just to have a chance to be there for the glory.
The weather is actually supposed to be nice, which will be a pleasant change of pace as my toes still try to regain full blood-flow from last Saturday. We've won 6 of our last 8 against Miami, yet the U still leads the series 17-11. Don't worry, I don't have many stats for this article. I know I tested your calculus skills last week. The Candy Canes are coached now by Al Golden. He went to Penn State. Penn State annoys me. Let the old man retire, for God's sake! Your team hasn't been competitive in a decade. In contrast, Miami always seems to be competitive. And they have 5 national championships to prove it.
I'm not sure why I hate Miami so much. I'll be wearing my brand-spanking-new "Sucks to be U" t-shirt this weekend. I've come up with the following reasons for my hatred:
1. They call themselves The U. ALL the time. Every NFL intro has some idiot saying "The U".
2. They do the stupid hand thing to make the U. This is why I hate us trying to make a VT.
3. Their fans are rich, obnoxious, and bratty.
4. Their teams are always made up of a bunch of thugs.
5. They have 5 National Championships.
6. I always have an old Miami player on my fantasy football team.
7. Their mascot looks like a duck.
8. They forced poor Miami University to forever be known as Miami of Ohio.
9. Orange looks better with maroon.
10. Most of their fans never even went to the school. Much like Dallas Cowboys fans never ever having stepped foot in Dallas.
The Candy Canes are 2-2 this season with losses to Maryland (home of the ugliest jersey in the NCAA award) and Kansas State. Their trend this season is to lull you to sleep in the first 2 quarters, and then to beat the crap out of you in the second half. This is terrifying, especially if our offense can't manage to put together a few drives in the first half. Our defense cannot handle staying on the field all game. If Stiney can't put something together, we're toast.
We need to worry about Lamar Miller, star running back for the Candy Canes. He averages over 100 yards a game. Jacory Harris, who of course got off easy in the suspension category, averages 190 yards a game. It doesn't seem like he's been very effective with his feet this year, so we'll have to see what he comes with on Saturday. WRs Travis Benjamin, Allen Hurns, and Tommy Streeter are decent. On the defense, look for Sean Spence and James Gaines to bully us. Sean Spence...sounds oddly like Shawn Spencer. I wonder if he also solves crimes in his spare time? There must be plenty to work on just within the football team.
Speaking of felons (I mean come on, this is flippin' Miami here), the good ol' Candy Canes had a special team captain last week, Ramon Buchanan. Why is he so special? Oh just because he was charged with felony battery on a cop earlier this year and was suspended indefinitely. HA! We all know what that means for the U. U're right on track to being a top football player! Welcome, son! Here's your seat at the captains table! I know, I know, I'm sure there's more. There were so many results when I googled "Miami football arrests" that I just picked the one on top.
Well... the one on top, after the BIG ONE, you know, the story about the booster who ratted out Miami's long, long list of consistent NCAA violations? Yeah, you all know that one. Oh, what a sweet day it was when that story came out. If there was ever a school that deserved the death penalty, it would be Miami. But that will never happen. Just like always, they will get a little slap on the wrist because there's too much money at stake if they actually enacted the death penalty. I mean really, abortions, prostitutes, underage drinking, putting bounties on the QBs of opposing rivals? This is standard practice at all colleges, right?
I hate Miami because they are good. And no matter how good we are, they can always come in and beat us. I believe they are our best rival right now. If the Boo-Hoos could ever get themselves in shape, maybe I'll pretend my license plate is referring to them (and no, I'm not going to tell you what it is). But they haven't been a real competitor since Al Groh started tucking his sweatshirts into his pants. I hate the Candy Canes because I always have at least one of them on my fantasy football team. There are soooooo many in the NFL. So many. And they are good players, mostly thugs, but good players: Ray Lewis, Reggie Wayne, Devin Hester, Frank Gore, Jeremy Shockey... I mean, I could go on an on. When I pick up a Hokie for my team (e.g., Jeff King), I know it's just because I want him to do well enough to get off my bench. Miami players are usually my starters. Someday Josh Morgan and Eddie Royal will be starters, I know it, but until then, Reggie Wayne and Devin Hester are going to start over them.
Sebastian the Ibis looks like a duck. Click this; it's hilarious. Sebastian is a sissy lobster name. Enough said.
Our D is #4 in the country because Bud Foster is bad-ass. Miami is #69; even Miami (OH) is better than them. That must be painful for the Candy Canes. Our offense, as awkward as it has looked at times, is #64 in the country. The U stands at #81. What does all this mean? We should be able to man-handle them. Easily. Again, if we can string together some drives so that our defense gets breaks, we can dominate them. Stiney has to actually pull out a play-book, though, in order for this to happen. Maybe we could put together a little fund to buy him Madden. He could find some plays there.
So enjoy your drive down 81 if you're meeting me there. My encounters with the man in Section 5 are over for this game; I'll be in Section 1. Dear Section 1: Do not sit down until half-time. This is not a game for sitting. If you can follow that one rule, we'll get along just fine.
The weather sounds beautiful, sunny and 75. This game is scary-exciting! I hate the U. You hate the U. Boo them with all your might. The thugs deserve it; Hokies Respect my ass.
Cross your fingers. Pray.
Stand on one foot. Do the Hokie Pokie.
LET'S GO...
The B.S.C.
P.S. I'm a Redskins fan. I know that pro football has no place on this blog, but just in case you are a sympathizer, read this. Cooley is hilarious.
Well, well, well. Here we are. The U. I don't know how I managed to get tickets for this game. This is the game you always want to go to because it has the possibility of being awesome. But then when the time comes to pack up and drive down 81, you realize how flippin' scary this game always is, and you wonder why you didn't just decide to sit this one out on your couch. Well, I know why! Because you're a Hokie, dammit! You will endure the obnoxious Miami fans and whatever inclement weather the New River Valley may bring just to have a chance to be there for the glory.
The weather is actually supposed to be nice, which will be a pleasant change of pace as my toes still try to regain full blood-flow from last Saturday. We've won 6 of our last 8 against Miami, yet the U still leads the series 17-11. Don't worry, I don't have many stats for this article. I know I tested your calculus skills last week. The Candy Canes are coached now by Al Golden. He went to Penn State. Penn State annoys me. Let the old man retire, for God's sake! Your team hasn't been competitive in a decade. In contrast, Miami always seems to be competitive. And they have 5 national championships to prove it.
I'm not sure why I hate Miami so much. I'll be wearing my brand-spanking-new "Sucks to be U" t-shirt this weekend. I've come up with the following reasons for my hatred:
1. They call themselves The U. ALL the time. Every NFL intro has some idiot saying "The U".
2. They do the stupid hand thing to make the U. This is why I hate us trying to make a VT.
3. Their fans are rich, obnoxious, and bratty.
4. Their teams are always made up of a bunch of thugs.
5. They have 5 National Championships.
6. I always have an old Miami player on my fantasy football team.
7. Their mascot looks like a duck.
8. They forced poor Miami University to forever be known as Miami of Ohio.
9. Orange looks better with maroon.
10. Most of their fans never even went to the school. Much like Dallas Cowboys fans never ever having stepped foot in Dallas.
The Candy Canes are 2-2 this season with losses to Maryland (home of the ugliest jersey in the NCAA award) and Kansas State. Their trend this season is to lull you to sleep in the first 2 quarters, and then to beat the crap out of you in the second half. This is terrifying, especially if our offense can't manage to put together a few drives in the first half. Our defense cannot handle staying on the field all game. If Stiney can't put something together, we're toast.
We need to worry about Lamar Miller, star running back for the Candy Canes. He averages over 100 yards a game. Jacory Harris, who of course got off easy in the suspension category, averages 190 yards a game. It doesn't seem like he's been very effective with his feet this year, so we'll have to see what he comes with on Saturday. WRs Travis Benjamin, Allen Hurns, and Tommy Streeter are decent. On the defense, look for Sean Spence and James Gaines to bully us. Sean Spence...sounds oddly like Shawn Spencer. I wonder if he also solves crimes in his spare time? There must be plenty to work on just within the football team.
Speaking of felons (I mean come on, this is flippin' Miami here), the good ol' Candy Canes had a special team captain last week, Ramon Buchanan. Why is he so special? Oh just because he was charged with felony battery on a cop earlier this year and was suspended indefinitely. HA! We all know what that means for the U. U're right on track to being a top football player! Welcome, son! Here's your seat at the captains table! I know, I know, I'm sure there's more. There were so many results when I googled "Miami football arrests" that I just picked the one on top.
Well... the one on top, after the BIG ONE, you know, the story about the booster who ratted out Miami's long, long list of consistent NCAA violations? Yeah, you all know that one. Oh, what a sweet day it was when that story came out. If there was ever a school that deserved the death penalty, it would be Miami. But that will never happen. Just like always, they will get a little slap on the wrist because there's too much money at stake if they actually enacted the death penalty. I mean really, abortions, prostitutes, underage drinking, putting bounties on the QBs of opposing rivals? This is standard practice at all colleges, right?
I hate Miami because they are good. And no matter how good we are, they can always come in and beat us. I believe they are our best rival right now. If the Boo-Hoos could ever get themselves in shape, maybe I'll pretend my license plate is referring to them (and no, I'm not going to tell you what it is). But they haven't been a real competitor since Al Groh started tucking his sweatshirts into his pants. I hate the Candy Canes because I always have at least one of them on my fantasy football team. There are soooooo many in the NFL. So many. And they are good players, mostly thugs, but good players: Ray Lewis, Reggie Wayne, Devin Hester, Frank Gore, Jeremy Shockey... I mean, I could go on an on. When I pick up a Hokie for my team (e.g., Jeff King), I know it's just because I want him to do well enough to get off my bench. Miami players are usually my starters. Someday Josh Morgan and Eddie Royal will be starters, I know it, but until then, Reggie Wayne and Devin Hester are going to start over them.
Sebastian the Ibis looks like a duck. Click this; it's hilarious. Sebastian is a sissy lobster name. Enough said.
Our D is #4 in the country because Bud Foster is bad-ass. Miami is #69; even Miami (OH) is better than them. That must be painful for the Candy Canes. Our offense, as awkward as it has looked at times, is #64 in the country. The U stands at #81. What does all this mean? We should be able to man-handle them. Easily. Again, if we can string together some drives so that our defense gets breaks, we can dominate them. Stiney has to actually pull out a play-book, though, in order for this to happen. Maybe we could put together a little fund to buy him Madden. He could find some plays there.
So enjoy your drive down 81 if you're meeting me there. My encounters with the man in Section 5 are over for this game; I'll be in Section 1. Dear Section 1: Do not sit down until half-time. This is not a game for sitting. If you can follow that one rule, we'll get along just fine.
The weather sounds beautiful, sunny and 75. This game is scary-exciting! I hate the U. You hate the U. Boo them with all your might. The thugs deserve it; Hokies Respect my ass.
Cross your fingers. Pray.
Stand on one foot. Do the Hokie Pokie.
LET'S GO...
The B.S.C.
P.S. I'm a Redskins fan. I know that pro football has no place on this blog, but just in case you are a sympathizer, read this. Cooley is hilarious.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Frostbite, Failure... and Fireworks?
The frostbite concerns have subsided. You'll be happy to know that I think I'll be able to keep both pinky toes. My hat brim may still be wet, but I think my ski jacket has dried out by now. It was cold. Bitterly, utterly, awfully cold. My toes started to hurt by the end of the first quarter. By the end of the game, I thought for sure that I'd be going out Bear Grylls-style and cutting them off with just some toe-nail clippers. Bad-ass, I know. But luckily, the blood flow returned once I got into my car. No surgery would have been safe in my Super 8 room. There was one positive to the nastiness on Saturday night: the Clemson fans were not prepared for it. One guy behind me was wearing a button-up shirt. Idiot.
Sorry for the late update. I strive for Sundays, but well, this game was painful. I don't want to say I told you so... but well, I did. I know we all want to believe that every season will be THE season, but every once in a while, you have to remember reality. Reality slapped us clear across the face on Saturday. Logan Thomas is young and inexperienced. Stiney is STILL the offensive coordinator. As ESPN said, our offense looked "inept". Our defense will always be great, so long as we can keep Bud Foster on our payroll, but if they stay on the field constantly, at some point they are going to get tired. They were very, very tired on Saturday. I just don't understand our play calling. It completely baffles me. Let's run to the outside on 3rd and 2. That sounds like an amazing idea! Especially when our giraffe-like QB could fall forward for 2 yards. Genius! Oh, and the best part? On my fantasy FB app, at the bottom on Sunday, it said, "Clemson whips Virginia Tech..." Just push that salt in deeper, ESPN. Thank you.
We learned a lot Saturday. "Tiger Rag" is stupid. The tiger costume is also stupid. It's a goofy-looking tiger. At least our turkey looks bad-ass. Their tiger looks like some stuffed animal from the 1940's. Let me also say, though, that Clemson travels very well. Very, very well. There were lots of them, everywhere. They seemed to be in awe of the Enter Sandman scene, but who could blame them? They are used to running down a hill to "Tiger Rag". The fans around me seemed to be nice. I can't say I had a bad experience with them.
That being said, let me say a little something about us. We are supposed to be Virginia Tech fans. A fan is defined as "an enthusiastic devotee". Fans do not leave at half-time. Fans do not leave after the third quarter. Fans do not sell their season tickets to Clemson fans. Fans are also not supposed to be jerks, even if they are forced to sit beside fans of the opposing team. Don't be an a-hole. If they aren't being a-holes, you have no right to be one. It makes us no better than WVU. Do we burn couches? Then don't make us sound like people who do. Don't get me wrong, I think that the Hokies Respect thing is ridiculous. They constantly play commercials for it and waste our time. I do wish they would bring back that ACC ad with the kids, so we could boo the little kids in the UVA and Miami jerseys again. That was awesome. But, it's common sense: don't be a jerk. Don't sell your tickets to just anyone. Support your flippin' team, even when you think it may cost you a toe and they are losing. That is when your team needs you the most. Enough said.
Another thing I learned this weekend? The military can't fly when it's drizzling. Crazy, huh? Who knew that we spent millions upon millions of dollars on military technology and they can't do a simply fly-over when it's raining. BUT, regardless of whether or not it's raining OR, you know, the fact that we are LOSING horribly, apparently the Virginia Tech athletic department thinks that fireworks are a dandy idea. Jim Weaver makes us look like a bunch of morons. Clemson laughed at us. We deserved it.
Well, that's about it. I've taken many deep breaths and told myself that it can't get any worse than this. But then I remember that Miami is coming up. I won't even start with them right now. This is what we need to remember: just because we are Virginia Tech doesn't mean that a "normal" college football season is a perfect season, without losses. If we don't let this loss define us, it will still be a great season. Bruce Taylor ("BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCE") is becoming an amazing asset on defense. Remember how awful Tyrod looked in the early games? Those big fat rainbow throws that floated forever? Well, Logan looks better than that now, so we're actually ahead on his QB development. Just please, God, if You are listening... Please do not let him call any more audibles. I cringe at the thought.
We are now ranked #21 on the AP poll, #17 on USA Today. Clemson is ranked #8 on both. They deserve it. We deserve it. Let's take out our anger and disappointment on The U this Saturday. I'll be there. I'll be the one in the "Sucks to be U" shirt.
Deep breath. We'll all be fine.
Love and fireworks,
The B.S.C.
P.S. I do not recommend the Super 8 at exit 150. It may be rated #1 on TripAdvisor, but it just isn't that peachy. Apparently, the TripAdvisor pickings are slim for Daleville, VA. BUT, you can get some interesting donuts there at Blue Collar Joe's. Highly recommended for the drive home on Sundays.
P.P.S. Don't think I have forgotten about the punting...oh no...I have not forgotten about the punting.
Sorry for the late update. I strive for Sundays, but well, this game was painful. I don't want to say I told you so... but well, I did. I know we all want to believe that every season will be THE season, but every once in a while, you have to remember reality. Reality slapped us clear across the face on Saturday. Logan Thomas is young and inexperienced. Stiney is STILL the offensive coordinator. As ESPN said, our offense looked "inept". Our defense will always be great, so long as we can keep Bud Foster on our payroll, but if they stay on the field constantly, at some point they are going to get tired. They were very, very tired on Saturday. I just don't understand our play calling. It completely baffles me. Let's run to the outside on 3rd and 2. That sounds like an amazing idea! Especially when our giraffe-like QB could fall forward for 2 yards. Genius! Oh, and the best part? On my fantasy FB app, at the bottom on Sunday, it said, "Clemson whips Virginia Tech..." Just push that salt in deeper, ESPN. Thank you.
We learned a lot Saturday. "Tiger Rag" is stupid. The tiger costume is also stupid. It's a goofy-looking tiger. At least our turkey looks bad-ass. Their tiger looks like some stuffed animal from the 1940's. Let me also say, though, that Clemson travels very well. Very, very well. There were lots of them, everywhere. They seemed to be in awe of the Enter Sandman scene, but who could blame them? They are used to running down a hill to "Tiger Rag". The fans around me seemed to be nice. I can't say I had a bad experience with them.
That being said, let me say a little something about us. We are supposed to be Virginia Tech fans. A fan is defined as "an enthusiastic devotee". Fans do not leave at half-time. Fans do not leave after the third quarter. Fans do not sell their season tickets to Clemson fans. Fans are also not supposed to be jerks, even if they are forced to sit beside fans of the opposing team. Don't be an a-hole. If they aren't being a-holes, you have no right to be one. It makes us no better than WVU. Do we burn couches? Then don't make us sound like people who do. Don't get me wrong, I think that the Hokies Respect thing is ridiculous. They constantly play commercials for it and waste our time. I do wish they would bring back that ACC ad with the kids, so we could boo the little kids in the UVA and Miami jerseys again. That was awesome. But, it's common sense: don't be a jerk. Don't sell your tickets to just anyone. Support your flippin' team, even when you think it may cost you a toe and they are losing. That is when your team needs you the most. Enough said.
Another thing I learned this weekend? The military can't fly when it's drizzling. Crazy, huh? Who knew that we spent millions upon millions of dollars on military technology and they can't do a simply fly-over when it's raining. BUT, regardless of whether or not it's raining OR, you know, the fact that we are LOSING horribly, apparently the Virginia Tech athletic department thinks that fireworks are a dandy idea. Jim Weaver makes us look like a bunch of morons. Clemson laughed at us. We deserved it.
Well, that's about it. I've taken many deep breaths and told myself that it can't get any worse than this. But then I remember that Miami is coming up. I won't even start with them right now. This is what we need to remember: just because we are Virginia Tech doesn't mean that a "normal" college football season is a perfect season, without losses. If we don't let this loss define us, it will still be a great season. Bruce Taylor ("BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCE") is becoming an amazing asset on defense. Remember how awful Tyrod looked in the early games? Those big fat rainbow throws that floated forever? Well, Logan looks better than that now, so we're actually ahead on his QB development. Just please, God, if You are listening... Please do not let him call any more audibles. I cringe at the thought.
We are now ranked #21 on the AP poll, #17 on USA Today. Clemson is ranked #8 on both. They deserve it. We deserve it. Let's take out our anger and disappointment on The U this Saturday. I'll be there. I'll be the one in the "Sucks to be U" shirt.
Deep breath. We'll all be fine.
Love and fireworks,
The B.S.C.
P.S. I do not recommend the Super 8 at exit 150. It may be rated #1 on TripAdvisor, but it just isn't that peachy. Apparently, the TripAdvisor pickings are slim for Daleville, VA. BUT, you can get some interesting donuts there at Blue Collar Joe's. Highly recommended for the drive home on Sundays.
P.P.S. Don't think I have forgotten about the punting...oh no...I have not forgotten about the punting.
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