You know we're gonna lose when Herbie picks us to win. No, no... Herbie doesn't actually like us. He's from Ohio State. He just hates the Ugly Corns. But even Herbie's hatred couldn't help us. Another Sugar Bowl... another loss. Ho hum. Bah humbug.
Well, what did you expect? Us to come out, hold Shoelace to practically nothing, and actually score? Oh wait. We did that, didn't we! This is where I will try to hold my sarcasm and utter rage to a minimum. It's been over a week now. You should have seen my plans for a post right after the game! For the sake of the 10 people who actually read this thing (who might have small children), I thought it would be best to take a little breather before posting this one. There's only so many ways to shorten B-S and WTF and words like that. And, well, I've been debating in my head whether or not to sue the NCAA, Weaver, the referees, or Beamer for college football giving me manic episodes. If someone had video-taped me during the game, I would have been committed.
Screaming.
Grunting.
Covering my eyes.
Yelling.
Feeling sick to my stomach.
Jumping up and down.
Sighing.
Yelling "YESSSSSSSSSSS!"
Standing 5 inches from the TV.
Going to the bathroom on third down to avoid watching.
The question is, who is to blame for the madness? Who? I'll come back to that.
So, you all know how it went. We didn't travel well. There were more Ugly Corns than Hokies in the stands. But honestly, I don't blame us. It's expensive. The economy sucks. N'Awlins isn't quite Hawaii, and well, the memories of our last trip there are still very alive. I don't think this is a trend. I think next year we will travel extremely well. I just think that, well, we all knew what was going to happen.
Speaking of suck-age and all that is awful in the world... here is my rant:
"Virginia Tech University" - REALLY? I mean, come on! How many times did the ref say that during the coin toss??? That foreshadowed the entire game. He didn't even know what teams were on the field. How could we have expected a fair (or even mildly decent) game of refereeing? Learn what flippin' schools are playing and... oh... MAYBE THEIR ACTUAL SCHOOL NAMES! Just a thought. You are on TV. This is a flippin' bowl game. You might try asking someone if you aren't sure. A-hole.
(Antonio Freeman? Really? That's our best effort for a bowl game? What about Vick? What about Bruce Smith? Come on, Weaver!)
As always, the announcers were stupendously awful. On our first series, they continued to call D.J. Coles Boykin. 1-8, not 8-1. Maybe they were dyslexic. I'm not making fun, but seriously, not one person in the booth could correct them? They even replayed the mistake later in the game and STILL DIDN'T say anything to correct it. Both announcers said it. BOTH! And then there was poor Antone AXE-UM. Where do they even come up with this stuff? If you all can't handle reading our game notes, just try to read the jersey: Exum. Not that difficult. By the second quarter they said it right a few times, but went back and forth throughout the game. Who's manic now?
Herbie couldn't remember David Wilson's name all night. Was he drunk? WTF! I mean, come on! It's not an odd name. They had to help him say it at least 5 times. Ridiculous! How much is he getting paid to forget the players on the field??
I've covered the booth, so let's get back to the field. We were awesome. How could we have been any better during a bowl game? We scored points! We ruined their offense! Without a couple lucky plays, the Ugly Corns would have been scoreless. The Giraffe was spectacular. You know who won that game? We did. Michigan didn't prove jack. They proved that they were damn lucky and the refs were on their side. Their program isn't "back" in any sense of the word. Shoelace choked and is an awful passer. Awful. He looked horrendous. And, if our young D can stop him, well, I just don't think his skills on the ground are very impressive either. We ruled him. We ruled their RB. Bud Foster is awesome and he deserves Assistant Coach of the Year honors. He made the Ugly Corns look like a joke.
And against his best judgment, I'll be damned if Stiney didn't actually get our offense to score. Again. I will repeat myself: Do you realize how SCARY GOOD Logan will be next year? I might actually call him Logan! SCARY GOOD! He proved, unlike Shoelace, that he can handle pressure and he is a great athlete. He has the poise to play this game, and play it well. Virginia Tech proved that they deserved to be there. Michigan didn't. We'll be playing in a national championship game very soon my friends, very soon. The Ugly Corns will not. If anyone calls us The Chokies, tell him/her to SHOVE IT. People who watched the game know we won it. Enough said.
So we lost even though we won. Don't get me wrong, I'm still angry and bitter. But, the fact that we proved ourselves kinda makes it all OK. We didn't embarrass ourselves like we usually do. We lost this game due to two things: Special Teams and bad calls on the field.
Let's talk about the latter first. Hosley's interception: OVERTURNED. Coale's heart-breaking touchdown in overtime: OVERTURNED. It wasn't just the refs on the field. The ones in the booth overturned every good play we had. I hate instant replay in college. HATE it. Not like the refs on the field were any nicer to us. They consistently missed penalties by the Ugly Corns and gave us bad spots on offense. I honestly don't think we had a fair shot to win this game.
Now the former is the disturbing part of all of this. Poor Danny Coale is going to be haunted his whole life by that touchdown catch, and by the fake punt that he botched. Justin Myer probably blames himself for missing that field goal, when he made them all night. He's not even a field goal kicker!! He was awesome! The fact that these two boys will feel bad really pisses me off. You know whose fault it really is? Beamer's. He is in charge of Special Teams. You may not be able to predict that your back-up place kicker will miss curfew and be sent home, but you can predict that your scholarship kicker is a druggie loser. Get to know your players, for God's sake! And really? A fake punt? And how many times will we botch trying to block a kick in a bowl game??? HOW MANY??
I love Beamer. I know a lot of Hokie fans don't. I just don't know if he's taken us as far as he can or not. I hold on to hope year after year because he's done so much for us, but when it's his specialty that ruins our chances to win a huge bowl game... you have to start wondering if you're just being loyal, and not smart. JoPa being fired from Penn State was probably the best thing to happen to them. You don't want to see these coaches leave who have really meant the world to their programs, but at some point, they start to inhibit their programs. I just don't know... I really don't. But, I do think he's to blame for this loss. And, well, he's kept Stiney year after year, which we all know is not beneficial to our team.
The Ugly Corn FG kicker was so excited after the game. It was a stupid FG, Gibbons. You aren't that special. Besides, all I want to say when I see you and hear your name is "Giiiibbbbbbbbbbbbaaaaaayyyyy".
My new favorite long snapper made some headlines after the game with an ESPN piece regarding the distractions of bowl week. He makes a valid point: there's too much hype and not enough business during bowl week. These kids are out there about to play in possibly the biggest game of their college careers, and they are watching New Orleans cheerleaders in some parade float warehouse. Treat it like a normal away game. If you win, then you get a "bowl week" vacation. Wouldn't it be more fun to stay without having to practice anyway? I love this kid. He makes me really want to join Twitter. Maybe if he makes it onto an NFL team, I will.
That's all the ranting I can think of right now. I've lost so much anger in the past week...I hope you didn't get bored. I really hope that Wilson decides to stick around for another year. His performance wasn't exactly stellar during the game, but he still broke the single-season rushing mark for a Hokie. Why not stick around and maybe win a Heisman? Just a thought.
So, now we're stuck for 8 months with no college football. Life stinks. There's the spring game, but that's about it for excitement. Oh yeah, and remember that comment about Alabama last post? I was right. We'll be opening our season Weaver-style by playing the reigning National Champions. You know what? I think we can beat them. Wouldn't that be a nice way to start the season? It's going to be scary as hell, but it could be our ticket to the National Championship.
I guess it's so-long for now, fellow Hokie fans. I'm sad that it had to end this way this season. Thank you for somehow finding me on Al Gore's amazing Internet, and thank you even more if you've signed up for email updates. I'll try to stay in touch during the off-season to make sure you're all still alive. If you've enjoyed the posts this season, tell a friend! I'd love to have 20 followers.
Love that there's always next year,
The B.S.C.
UPDATE: As soon as I hit "publish", I found this article. I guess Wilson didn't listen to my pleading. But, what really hurts is that Hosley is leaving early, too. Why, Hosley, why?? UGH. The road to the National Championship better not rest on Tony Gregory. If it does, I'm scared.
UPDATE #2: A BIG SIGH of relief is in order! The Chik-fil-A kickoff game isn't until 2013! Sorry for the misunderstanding. Bad info, I guess. At least that gives us a year to develop an O-line and we probably won't be playing the National Champions (I hope).
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Monday, January 2, 2012
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
The cookies are all gone. The peppermint bark is being rationed. Our Elf on a Shelf (named Jerry) is back at the North Pole. If you don't have children, don't worry. You will learn about elves on shelves eventually. If you do, and still don't have one... you are stupid. Get one! It may be the best Christmas idea EVER. Enough said.
The holidays are pretty much over and done with. The only thing left to cling to is... well... THE SUGAR BOWL. Nothing says Happy New Year like a BCS bowl game. And, well, nothing should scare us more. 8:30 kickoff. ESPN. The 78th Sugar Bowl. Sponsored by Allstate, of course. You're in good hands. In the Big Easy. Beignets. Jambalaya. Mmm...
N'Awlins should invoke strong feelings for you. The stench of Bourbon Street at 10am... $10 beads... ahh. Haven't you missed it? I'm not there. It may take a while before I can manage to bring myself past SLLLIIIIIIIIDDDDELLLLLLLLLLLL again, as I mentioned last time. I hope you're there, though. If you are, I'm definitely jealous. Not of the trip down, of course. But the game! The scary, pee in your pants, have 5 kinds of liquor ready-just-in-case, GAME!
So, how many people have said something to you about us not DESERVING this bowl game? Stupid me decided to take the kids to the Natural History Museum on the mall last week. Among the millions, I saw a guy take a look at my new VT hoodie and (old) hat, and he started up a rather loud, unusual conversation with his wife regarding a possible honey badger exhibit. Wolverines are not honey badgers. Idiot. And from everything Al Gore's great Internet tells me, a honey badger would whoop a wolverine's ass. Get your mascots straight, stupid, before you open your mouth.
It's everywhere. Somehow the Hokies don't deserve this game, but Michigan does. Yet, we are ranked higher than them. We come into the Superdome ranked #11, and Michigan #13. OK, so we lost to a darn good Clemson team twice. BUT, Michigan lost to Michigan State AND Iowa. I don't hear any talk about them not deserving this. As always, until we fill that empty National Championship case, we won't get any respect from other college football fans who went to former football powerhouse schools that are on the decline. I know they just can't comprehend why they aren't ranked in the top 25... even though they lost 4 games this season. Tell everyone to shove it. Bud Foster knows we deserve this. He knows we need this. And I trust Bud, don't you?
Speaking of the Ugly Helmets, they have filled up 11 of those empty cases. ELEVEN! They AVERAGE 34.2 points per game, with 235.7 rushing yards and 187.4 passing yards. Their colors are blue and corn. Yes, corn. Some may say maize... but hey, that's corn, right? The Ugly Corns are led by "Shoelace" Denard Robinson. If you want to ponder anything in a dark corner somewhere before the game, I would ponder Shoelace. Why the nickname? He hasn't tied his shoes since about 8th grade. Scary to think what he could do with some shoes that actually stayed on his feet. Shoelace is Michigan right now. He's the reason why Bud Foster hasn't slept in about a month. He is horrifying. And it doesn't look like we're getting any big names back on D. It appears that G-Dub and Bruuuuuuce are still out. This will be the toughest offense our D has ever seen. Not to mention Fitz Toussaint. Yes, yes, his name fits right in with N'Awlins. He stepped up this year and became a darn good rusher. If we can't stop their rushing game, we'll be toast.
Junior Hemingway, Jeremy Gallon, Kevin Koger, and Roy Roundtree will all be on the receiving end of Shoelace's air attack. I'm not even going to bother talking about their Defense. It's really all about our D on Tuesday night. Need a countdown? Go here. We need to play a perfect game. Our penalties need to be minimal. The Giraffe needs to be flawless. Let's remember that this is a big stadium for us. The Superdome seats approximately 76,000. For the Ugly Corns? This is tiny. They are used to crowds of nearly 110,000 at home. Yeah... that makes me want to throw up a little, too.
We are 2-3 at the Superdome. The win in 1995 catapulted our program onto the national scene. We need that again. Badly. This time, we need to prove that we deserve to be in a National Championship game. But don't think that we're the needy ones. Michigan wants this just as badly as us. They want to overcome their two seasons of Rich Rod and say that "they're back". They've lost their spark. They need this just as much as we do.
This is our 19th consecutive bowl game. This is our first meeting with the Ugly Corns, now coached by Brady Hoke. He's 10-2 in his first year with the Ugly Corns. Take that, Rich Rod! Did you know that Clemson was the first team to beat us twice in one season, EVER? We're all over that now, right? You better be by Tuesday night.
We are down to Justin Myer, our kickoff specialist, for place kickers. Our nice scholarship kicker, Cody Journell, was suspended indefinitely (and I'm sure, forever) on 12/22 after being arrested for a home invasion with a gun present. Read all about the nonsense here. Apparently, he and a couple friends broke into the home of VT basketball player Dorenzo Hudson because of some "stolen" weed. Yeah... drugs just put the icing on this story.
Dear Frank,
Let's stick with 5th year walk-ons in the future. Thanks.
Oh, and what about our other place kicker, Tyler Weiss? He missed curfew on 12/29. We're not talking 10pm. It was a 1am curfew. Idiot. He got a nice bus ticket back to Roanoke. Has our kicking ever been so screwed up?? Not that Danny Coale isn't awesome, but it's a little sad that he does everything for us. This isn't pee-wee football, right? We play on national television. Our kicking game shouldn't be resting upon a wide receiver and a kickoff guy.
Which brings me to another scary thought:
Dear David Wilson,
Congrats on being named 2nd Team All-American by the AP. You deserve it, buddy! But, please, please, don't go into the draft. Do you see what happened to Ryan Williams? He got hurt! Darren Evans? Barely on a practice squad! Kevin Jones? He's back at Tech finishing his degree. I'm not saying that you can't make it in the NFL, but don't give up your time at the college level. Give The Giraffe another year. Think of the memories a National Championship could bring you for a lifetime! Your NFL career could be over in one play. We need you. Please, please stay.
Sorry for depressing you. A lot of stupid stuff has gone on with our football players since the last game. The best find since Christmas? Collin Carroll. If you've never watched any videos from the hokiesports website, you should. He's pretty awesome. Move over, Herbie! Our long-snapper is going to take your job. And, he rocks. I recommend watching the Sugar Bowl Day 2 video. Hilarious!
Also, in breaking news, we're going to play Austin Peay next year instead of ECU, for a one-game deal. Before you rush out to buy tickets for this powerhouse, you may be asking why we added this to our schedule. To make room for... wait for it... The Chick-fil-A kickoff game on August 31st versus... oh, perhaps the defending National Champion, ALABAMA. Yes, yes... we all know that Beamer poo-poo'd these ridiculous pre-season bowl games after the awfulness that was the Boise State game, but I guess Weaver decided that we were ready to ruin another season from the start by playing possibly the best team in the nation. Wow. I just love Weaver. Want to watch us struggle? We'll be meeting in the GA Dome. Fun stuff.
We need this win. The whole coaching staff knows it. We choke during bowl games thanks to Stiney. If we ever want to play in the BIG GAME, we need to prove that we can win one. Our Chick-fil-A opponent plays in the Superdome on the 9th. Let's hope LSU crushes them, AGAIN, and we shine. This game is so important that it makes me sick to my stomach. You know what Hokies Respect is? It's the respect we should be getting from the rest of college football. This is what we need to earn on Tuesday night.
Touch your replica of the Hokie Stone before the game. Play Enter Sandman. Watch the end of the Miami game on YouTube. Do whatever you need to prepare yourself for this one. It's going to be scary. It's going to have disappointing moments. But if The Giraffe shows up with Wilson, and Bud dials up something momentous... we might just make some magic there in N'Awlins.
Love the chance to remove Shoelace from his shoes,
The B.S.C.
The holidays are pretty much over and done with. The only thing left to cling to is... well... THE SUGAR BOWL. Nothing says Happy New Year like a BCS bowl game. And, well, nothing should scare us more. 8:30 kickoff. ESPN. The 78th Sugar Bowl. Sponsored by Allstate, of course. You're in good hands. In the Big Easy. Beignets. Jambalaya. Mmm...
N'Awlins should invoke strong feelings for you. The stench of Bourbon Street at 10am... $10 beads... ahh. Haven't you missed it? I'm not there. It may take a while before I can manage to bring myself past SLLLIIIIIIIIDDDDELLLLLLLLLLLL again, as I mentioned last time. I hope you're there, though. If you are, I'm definitely jealous. Not of the trip down, of course. But the game! The scary, pee in your pants, have 5 kinds of liquor ready-just-in-case, GAME!
So, how many people have said something to you about us not DESERVING this bowl game? Stupid me decided to take the kids to the Natural History Museum on the mall last week. Among the millions, I saw a guy take a look at my new VT hoodie and (old) hat, and he started up a rather loud, unusual conversation with his wife regarding a possible honey badger exhibit. Wolverines are not honey badgers. Idiot. And from everything Al Gore's great Internet tells me, a honey badger would whoop a wolverine's ass. Get your mascots straight, stupid, before you open your mouth.
It's everywhere. Somehow the Hokies don't deserve this game, but Michigan does. Yet, we are ranked higher than them. We come into the Superdome ranked #11, and Michigan #13. OK, so we lost to a darn good Clemson team twice. BUT, Michigan lost to Michigan State AND Iowa. I don't hear any talk about them not deserving this. As always, until we fill that empty National Championship case, we won't get any respect from other college football fans who went to former football powerhouse schools that are on the decline. I know they just can't comprehend why they aren't ranked in the top 25... even though they lost 4 games this season. Tell everyone to shove it. Bud Foster knows we deserve this. He knows we need this. And I trust Bud, don't you?
Speaking of the Ugly Helmets, they have filled up 11 of those empty cases. ELEVEN! They AVERAGE 34.2 points per game, with 235.7 rushing yards and 187.4 passing yards. Their colors are blue and corn. Yes, corn. Some may say maize... but hey, that's corn, right? The Ugly Corns are led by "Shoelace" Denard Robinson. If you want to ponder anything in a dark corner somewhere before the game, I would ponder Shoelace. Why the nickname? He hasn't tied his shoes since about 8th grade. Scary to think what he could do with some shoes that actually stayed on his feet. Shoelace is Michigan right now. He's the reason why Bud Foster hasn't slept in about a month. He is horrifying. And it doesn't look like we're getting any big names back on D. It appears that G-Dub and Bruuuuuuce are still out. This will be the toughest offense our D has ever seen. Not to mention Fitz Toussaint. Yes, yes, his name fits right in with N'Awlins. He stepped up this year and became a darn good rusher. If we can't stop their rushing game, we'll be toast.
Junior Hemingway, Jeremy Gallon, Kevin Koger, and Roy Roundtree will all be on the receiving end of Shoelace's air attack. I'm not even going to bother talking about their Defense. It's really all about our D on Tuesday night. Need a countdown? Go here. We need to play a perfect game. Our penalties need to be minimal. The Giraffe needs to be flawless. Let's remember that this is a big stadium for us. The Superdome seats approximately 76,000. For the Ugly Corns? This is tiny. They are used to crowds of nearly 110,000 at home. Yeah... that makes me want to throw up a little, too.
We are 2-3 at the Superdome. The win in 1995 catapulted our program onto the national scene. We need that again. Badly. This time, we need to prove that we deserve to be in a National Championship game. But don't think that we're the needy ones. Michigan wants this just as badly as us. They want to overcome their two seasons of Rich Rod and say that "they're back". They've lost their spark. They need this just as much as we do.
This is our 19th consecutive bowl game. This is our first meeting with the Ugly Corns, now coached by Brady Hoke. He's 10-2 in his first year with the Ugly Corns. Take that, Rich Rod! Did you know that Clemson was the first team to beat us twice in one season, EVER? We're all over that now, right? You better be by Tuesday night.
We are down to Justin Myer, our kickoff specialist, for place kickers. Our nice scholarship kicker, Cody Journell, was suspended indefinitely (and I'm sure, forever) on 12/22 after being arrested for a home invasion with a gun present. Read all about the nonsense here. Apparently, he and a couple friends broke into the home of VT basketball player Dorenzo Hudson because of some "stolen" weed. Yeah... drugs just put the icing on this story.
Dear Frank,
Let's stick with 5th year walk-ons in the future. Thanks.
Oh, and what about our other place kicker, Tyler Weiss? He missed curfew on 12/29. We're not talking 10pm. It was a 1am curfew. Idiot. He got a nice bus ticket back to Roanoke. Has our kicking ever been so screwed up?? Not that Danny Coale isn't awesome, but it's a little sad that he does everything for us. This isn't pee-wee football, right? We play on national television. Our kicking game shouldn't be resting upon a wide receiver and a kickoff guy.
Which brings me to another scary thought:
Dear David Wilson,
Congrats on being named 2nd Team All-American by the AP. You deserve it, buddy! But, please, please, don't go into the draft. Do you see what happened to Ryan Williams? He got hurt! Darren Evans? Barely on a practice squad! Kevin Jones? He's back at Tech finishing his degree. I'm not saying that you can't make it in the NFL, but don't give up your time at the college level. Give The Giraffe another year. Think of the memories a National Championship could bring you for a lifetime! Your NFL career could be over in one play. We need you. Please, please stay.
Sorry for depressing you. A lot of stupid stuff has gone on with our football players since the last game. The best find since Christmas? Collin Carroll. If you've never watched any videos from the hokiesports website, you should. He's pretty awesome. Move over, Herbie! Our long-snapper is going to take your job. And, he rocks. I recommend watching the Sugar Bowl Day 2 video. Hilarious!
Also, in breaking news, we're going to play Austin Peay next year instead of ECU, for a one-game deal. Before you rush out to buy tickets for this powerhouse, you may be asking why we added this to our schedule. To make room for... wait for it... The Chick-fil-A kickoff game on August 31st versus... oh, perhaps the defending National Champion, ALABAMA. Yes, yes... we all know that Beamer poo-poo'd these ridiculous pre-season bowl games after the awfulness that was the Boise State game, but I guess Weaver decided that we were ready to ruin another season from the start by playing possibly the best team in the nation. Wow. I just love Weaver. Want to watch us struggle? We'll be meeting in the GA Dome. Fun stuff.
We need this win. The whole coaching staff knows it. We choke during bowl games thanks to Stiney. If we ever want to play in the BIG GAME, we need to prove that we can win one. Our Chick-fil-A opponent plays in the Superdome on the 9th. Let's hope LSU crushes them, AGAIN, and we shine. This game is so important that it makes me sick to my stomach. You know what Hokies Respect is? It's the respect we should be getting from the rest of college football. This is what we need to earn on Tuesday night.
Touch your replica of the Hokie Stone before the game. Play Enter Sandman. Watch the end of the Miami game on YouTube. Do whatever you need to prepare yourself for this one. It's going to be scary. It's going to have disappointing moments. But if The Giraffe shows up with Wilson, and Bud dials up something momentous... we might just make some magic there in N'Awlins.
Love the chance to remove Shoelace from his shoes,
The B.S.C.
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