The cookies are all gone. The peppermint bark is being rationed. Our Elf on a Shelf (named Jerry) is back at the North Pole. If you don't have children, don't worry. You will learn about elves on shelves eventually. If you do, and still don't have one... you are stupid. Get one! It may be the best Christmas idea EVER. Enough said.
The holidays are pretty much over and done with. The only thing left to cling to is... well... THE SUGAR BOWL. Nothing says Happy New Year like a BCS bowl game. And, well, nothing should scare us more. 8:30 kickoff. ESPN. The 78th Sugar Bowl. Sponsored by Allstate, of course. You're in good hands. In the Big Easy. Beignets. Jambalaya. Mmm...
N'Awlins should invoke strong feelings for you. The stench of Bourbon Street at 10am... $10 beads... ahh. Haven't you missed it? I'm not there. It may take a while before I can manage to bring myself past SLLLIIIIIIIIDDDDELLLLLLLLLLLL again, as I mentioned last time. I hope you're there, though. If you are, I'm definitely jealous. Not of the trip down, of course. But the game! The scary, pee in your pants, have 5 kinds of liquor ready-just-in-case, GAME!
So, how many people have said something to you about us not DESERVING this bowl game? Stupid me decided to take the kids to the Natural History Museum on the mall last week. Among the millions, I saw a guy take a look at my new VT hoodie and (old) hat, and he started up a rather loud, unusual conversation with his wife regarding a possible honey badger exhibit. Wolverines are not honey badgers. Idiot. And from everything Al Gore's great Internet tells me, a honey badger would whoop a wolverine's ass. Get your mascots straight, stupid, before you open your mouth.
It's everywhere. Somehow the Hokies don't deserve this game, but Michigan does. Yet, we are ranked higher than them. We come into the Superdome ranked #11, and Michigan #13. OK, so we lost to a darn good Clemson team twice. BUT, Michigan lost to Michigan State AND Iowa. I don't hear any talk about them not deserving this. As always, until we fill that empty National Championship case, we won't get any respect from other college football fans who went to former football powerhouse schools that are on the decline. I know they just can't comprehend why they aren't ranked in the top 25... even though they lost 4 games this season. Tell everyone to shove it. Bud Foster knows we deserve this. He knows we need this. And I trust Bud, don't you?
Speaking of the Ugly Helmets, they have filled up 11 of those empty cases. ELEVEN! They AVERAGE 34.2 points per game, with 235.7 rushing yards and 187.4 passing yards. Their colors are blue and corn. Yes, corn. Some may say maize... but hey, that's corn, right? The Ugly Corns are led by "Shoelace" Denard Robinson. If you want to ponder anything in a dark corner somewhere before the game, I would ponder Shoelace. Why the nickname? He hasn't tied his shoes since about 8th grade. Scary to think what he could do with some shoes that actually stayed on his feet. Shoelace is Michigan right now. He's the reason why Bud Foster hasn't slept in about a month. He is horrifying. And it doesn't look like we're getting any big names back on D. It appears that G-Dub and Bruuuuuuce are still out. This will be the toughest offense our D has ever seen. Not to mention Fitz Toussaint. Yes, yes, his name fits right in with N'Awlins. He stepped up this year and became a darn good rusher. If we can't stop their rushing game, we'll be toast.
Junior Hemingway, Jeremy Gallon, Kevin Koger, and Roy Roundtree will all be on the receiving end of Shoelace's air attack. I'm not even going to bother talking about their Defense. It's really all about our D on Tuesday night. Need a countdown? Go here. We need to play a perfect game. Our penalties need to be minimal. The Giraffe needs to be flawless. Let's remember that this is a big stadium for us. The Superdome seats approximately 76,000. For the Ugly Corns? This is tiny. They are used to crowds of nearly 110,000 at home. Yeah... that makes me want to throw up a little, too.
We are 2-3 at the Superdome. The win in 1995 catapulted our program onto the national scene. We need that again. Badly. This time, we need to prove that we deserve to be in a National Championship game. But don't think that we're the needy ones. Michigan wants this just as badly as us. They want to overcome their two seasons of Rich Rod and say that "they're back". They've lost their spark. They need this just as much as we do.
This is our 19th consecutive bowl game. This is our first meeting with the Ugly Corns, now coached by Brady Hoke. He's 10-2 in his first year with the Ugly Corns. Take that, Rich Rod! Did you know that Clemson was the first team to beat us twice in one season, EVER? We're all over that now, right? You better be by Tuesday night.
We are down to Justin Myer, our kickoff specialist, for place kickers. Our nice scholarship kicker, Cody Journell, was suspended indefinitely (and I'm sure, forever) on 12/22 after being arrested for a home invasion with a gun present. Read all about the nonsense here. Apparently, he and a couple friends broke into the home of VT basketball player Dorenzo Hudson because of some "stolen" weed. Yeah... drugs just put the icing on this story.
Dear Frank,
Let's stick with 5th year walk-ons in the future. Thanks.
Oh, and what about our other place kicker, Tyler Weiss? He missed curfew on 12/29. We're not talking 10pm. It was a 1am curfew. Idiot. He got a nice bus ticket back to Roanoke. Has our kicking ever been so screwed up?? Not that Danny Coale isn't awesome, but it's a little sad that he does everything for us. This isn't pee-wee football, right? We play on national television. Our kicking game shouldn't be resting upon a wide receiver and a kickoff guy.
Which brings me to another scary thought:
Dear David Wilson,
Congrats on being named 2nd Team All-American by the AP. You deserve it, buddy! But, please, please, don't go into the draft. Do you see what happened to Ryan Williams? He got hurt! Darren Evans? Barely on a practice squad! Kevin Jones? He's back at Tech finishing his degree. I'm not saying that you can't make it in the NFL, but don't give up your time at the college level. Give The Giraffe another year. Think of the memories a National Championship could bring you for a lifetime! Your NFL career could be over in one play. We need you. Please, please stay.
Sorry for depressing you. A lot of stupid stuff has gone on with our football players since the last game. The best find since Christmas? Collin Carroll. If you've never watched any videos from the hokiesports website, you should. He's pretty awesome. Move over, Herbie! Our long-snapper is going to take your job. And, he rocks. I recommend watching the Sugar Bowl Day 2 video. Hilarious!
Also, in breaking news, we're going to play Austin Peay next year instead of ECU, for a one-game deal. Before you rush out to buy tickets for this powerhouse, you may be asking why we added this to our schedule. To make room for... wait for it... The Chick-fil-A kickoff game on August 31st versus... oh, perhaps the defending National Champion, ALABAMA. Yes, yes... we all know that Beamer poo-poo'd these ridiculous pre-season bowl games after the awfulness that was the Boise State game, but I guess Weaver decided that we were ready to ruin another season from the start by playing possibly the best team in the nation. Wow. I just love Weaver. Want to watch us struggle? We'll be meeting in the GA Dome. Fun stuff.
We need this win. The whole coaching staff knows it. We choke during bowl games thanks to Stiney. If we ever want to play in the BIG GAME, we need to prove that we can win one. Our Chick-fil-A opponent plays in the Superdome on the 9th. Let's hope LSU crushes them, AGAIN, and we shine. This game is so important that it makes me sick to my stomach. You know what Hokies Respect is? It's the respect we should be getting from the rest of college football. This is what we need to earn on Tuesday night.
Touch your replica of the Hokie Stone before the game. Play Enter Sandman. Watch the end of the Miami game on YouTube. Do whatever you need to prepare yourself for this one. It's going to be scary. It's going to have disappointing moments. But if The Giraffe shows up with Wilson, and Bud dials up something momentous... we might just make some magic there in N'Awlins.
Love the chance to remove Shoelace from his shoes,
The B.S.C.
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