Find the Tzatziki

Well, I have to say that I was a little scared when I forced myself to watch our match-up against the Option*Option*Option.

We were pretty much sucking big-time in the first quarter.  They scored 14 unanswered points, then we scored 14 unanswered points... and then, somehow we figured out how to win one for Frank.

It was impressive.

Now, I'm scared again.  The Baby Lambies.  Mmmm... lamb.

Let's be honest.  This is the only time seeing lamb should make you happy.

The Baby Lambies = Unhappy

You can't miss this game, though, no matter how you feel.  It's Frank's last home game.  Despite our best efforts, the WWLS' GameDay threw us shade and won't be there.  They posted this stupid video instead:

Oh no, wait... I just found that video and it's hilarious.  Sorry, their video is in this link because I can't figure out how to isolate it.  Thanks, Al Gore.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/dc-sports-bog/wp/2015/11/19/virginia-tech-didnt-get-college-gameday-but-frank-beamer-got-his-own-hot-dog/

The Baby Lambies are good, like... old-us good.  They lost their first game to SC, but then have gone on to win 9 in a row.  One of those wins were over a ranked Pitt team... so yeah, they are pretty good this season.

Just hold your breath.  The.  Entire.  Game.

We can do it for Frank!

Or,

We can try REALLY hard for Frank!

I can't imagine going to Lane without Frank.  I will save my thoughts for our last game, but I've just gotta say that the fact that this is his last home game is really surreal.  I can't imagine how he feels.  I can't imagine how Bud feels.

All I can think is that...

I really hope the new coach gets rid of Stiney.

And I hope that new coach is Bud.

But not in that order.

Give 'em Hell for Frank, Bud!  We are going to need it.

Jump like you've never jumped before.  Paint your face.  Paint your body.  Tailgate like you mean it.  Lose your voice.  Shatter your car keys.  Find Hokie-colored Mardi Gras beads.

Be the ultimate fan tomorrow.  Frank deserves it.

Love YEE-rows,

The B.S.C.

BeamerPa No More

Greetings, Hokie Land.  It's been a while.  I'm alive.  I honestly haven't really watched a game in... oh, I don't know, a month?  And no, I don't feel bad about it.

A couple weeks ago, I was riding in my parents' car to my oldest son's baseball game, and my dad and I had a long discussion about the fate of our football program and Beamer's exit.  We basically decided that we were going to end up with BeamerPa sitting up in the booth because he'd be too old to stand on the sidelines.

Half a week later...

BAM!

SHOCKER!

Beamer surprised the crap out of us (and I'm guessing a lot of you) by actually announcing that this season will be his last.  He surprised me so much that I convinced my little fingers to log in to the blog and think about Hokie Football.  [Shudder.]

First off, thank God that he isn't going to become BeamerPa.  I was literally on the verge of never watching a game again, but now I'll finish out the season just to see how the kids play for him.

Yes, I said kids.  Because I am getting old.  Very, very old.

I'm not really interested in doing any sort of team-to-team analysis.  The Other Tech beat us last year at home.  Now we're in their stadium on a Thursday night.  No Enter Sandman.  No excitement.  Just some stupid old car at Bobby Dodd Stadium.

Bleh.

The only thing going for us, literally, is that they suck pretty bad this year.  They've actually lost one more game than us, somehow.

Yay for mediocre opponents!

I'm not interested in watching The Hobbit (ever, again, actually).  I just want to see how the boys play knowing that THE MAN is retiring this year.

Only 3 more games left.

Only 1 home game left.

Seriously, that's it.  I have nothing interesting to say.  I will work on my farewell to Frank, but I'm sorta at a loss for words.  Still in shock, I think.  So... yes... that's literally all I've got.

Expect to get teary-eyed watching all the old clips of Frank tonight.

Give 'em hell, Frank!  Give 'em hell,

Love a well-timed retirement,

The B.S.C.

Take THAT

Forget Jason, Freddy, and the dude from Saw (I thru XVIII).

You wanna be scared?  Be scared for tomorrow's game.

Let's think happy thoughts first.  Here are my notes from the Pumpkin Heads:

• WWLS, RE: DJ Knox: "Don't judge his size, cuz he's a man."  He benches 400 pounds.  That's fantastic.  Didn't help much last week, did it?
• WWLS: "Sun spangled".  Yeah, whatever that means.
• WWLS: "Tech is so good at blocking kicks HISTORICALLY."  No s-word, Sherlock.  Why don't you just punch me in the gut?  Tell me something I DON'T KNOW.
• Why was the field so beat up?  It looked like the last game of the season after a Taylor Swift concert.

• The "BOILERMAKERS" name in the end zone was so large it made my head hurt.
• Pound sign "BOILERUP".
• Do they really have the World's Largest Drum?

• Liars.
• WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT US, WWLS STUDIO UPDATE PERSON?  IT'S NOT PLEASANT.  WHAT CAN YOU DO TO POSSIBLY MAKE ME HATE YOU MORE?
• Oh wait... say, "Take that Virginia Tech!" ON AIR, when the Pumpkin Heads completed a 69-yard punt, leaving us at the 1.  That actually does make me hate you more.
• McMillan, our tailback, was a QB in high school?  Why do we insist on changing everyone's position?
• The maroon on our helmet was matte.  This is a disturbing trend, even in MLB.  It literally makes me want to vomit.
• WWLS: "Secs."  Yes, "Secs."  You know, that just doesn't come across they way I think you want it to on live TV.  Stick to the whole word.  Unless, of course, you are a bunch of frat boys that feel the need to abbreviate everything to one syllable.  "Brah".  
• I'm pretty sure they said that Burgess, the Pumpkin Head WR, is a 25-year-old freshman.  Uh huh.
• Why in the world did WWLS feel the need to say Lawson's name 5,000 times?  And why is he our back-up?  I thought we were supposed to be excited about the Durkin kid we stole out of Ohio.
• WWLS: "Stress reaction."  Not sure what that is, either.
• Game highlights: Double reverse, Samwise to Townie.  Awesome.  Then the blocked punt by Terrell Edmunds, pound sign "BEAMERBALL".  
• ... Take THAT, WWLS!

So, after such a strong showing last week, why be scared?  As reader Jennifer in NC describes it, ECU is essentially the WVU of North Carolina.  Yeah, bettcha didn't know that, did you?  Remember, they beat us last year AT HOME.  And, they beat us in 2008.  Unlike us, they are a team on the upswing.

Now, to be fair, the Pirates ARRRRGH coming off 2 losses to Navy and Florida.  I'm not buying it, though.  I think they are trying to lull us into thinking we can beat them.  You know how WVU is.  (Barf.)

Dowdy-Ficklen Stadium is sold out.  Though it's just a wee baby stadium at 50,000 seats, I think it'll be a pretty good crowd for the home team.  Our other problem is that if we shut down the run, they'll simply switch to the air.  Florida stuffed them at -13 rushing yards, but they still managed to get almost 350 in the air.  St. Bud is going to have to be prepared for this one.

Let's just keep doing what we've been doing - drink heavily and see what happens.  It's really more fun that way.

Townie has been OK; I'm much happier watching him than The Hobbit.  

I wonder, do the Peg Legs also burn couches?

This is hilarious.

I am really starting to get tired of purple.  

Love TYPING IN ALL CAPS SO I CAN YELL AT YOU (AND WWLS),

The B.S.C.

The Pumpkin Heads

Stealing bikes.

Drunk driving.

Purdue's football program must be improving.  The U has taught us that arrests just equal good football players.

Or thugs.

I get those confused.

Regardless, tomorrow we match up against The Boilermakers.  From my research, it seems that this is not only our first game played in Indiana, but also our first game against Purdue.  First, let's learn some things about Indiana.

1. Indiana was created in 1800.  The name means "Land of Indians".  That, of course, is culturally insensitive.  It should be called Nativeamericana.

2. No one can agree where the term "Hoosier" came from.  For real.  Everyone has a theory.  Hoosiers are Indianans, or Indianians.  They are also cool racing tires.

3. Nativeamericana is really proud of the Nativeamericanapolis 500. They even featured a "Nativeamery" race car on their state quarter.

4. The official state motto is: "Crossroads of America".

Now that we know enough to visit Nativeamericana, let's dig into the term, "Boilermaker".

boil·er·mak·er

ˈboilərˌmākər/

noun

1. 1.

   a person who makes boilers.

   • 
     
2. 2.

   NORTH AMERICAN

   a shot of whiskey followed by a glass of beer as a chaser.

Definition #2 is pretty awesome.  I mean, who wouldn't want a giant shot glass as their mascot?

Unfortunately, according to the Purdue website:

Over the years, Purdue teams had been called grangers, pumpkin-shuckers, railsplitters, cornfield sailors, blacksmiths, foundry hands and, finally, boilermakers. That last one stuck.

It seems that they wanted something to reflect the fact that they were a land-grant university, like us, but couldn't quite pin down the appropriate blue collar occupation to describe themselves.

I think they should have kept pumpkin-shuckers, at least for their football team.  It's very seasonally-appropriate, and well, just think of the mascot options!

You get the idea.  Instead, they got this:

I don't know... I really like pumpkin.  Pumpkin pie.  Pumpkin bread.  Pumpkin soup.  So many options.

So the pumpkin-shuckers are 1-1 on the season, beating Nativeamericana State and losing to Marshall.  They average 34.5 points per game, but allow their opponents an average of 27.5 points per game.  They are about 50-50 when it comes to rushing versus passing.  Like every game, our key is going to be St. Bud, the Patron Saint of Dented Old Lunchpails.

Townie had a good game last week.  I guess now we'll find out if it sticks.  He was 16-24, totaling 233 yards and 2 TDs.  He also rushed 38 yards, with a 4-yard TD.

He looked... decent.  Do I miss The Hobbit?  No.  Is he better than HWSNBN?  That remains to be seen.  At least I have hope now.  Hope is all that I'm asking for at this point.  It makes me actually want to watch the game every week.

Can Townie turn into this guy?

Holy crap!  Don't you miss Danny Coale and Jarrett Boykin?

Ugh... now I have depressed myself.

On a positive note, we can all be excited for another 3:30 kick-off.  Is it any coincidence that Weaves is gone?  I think not.

Try to ignore the idiocy of the WWLS.  At least you can watch this one on your TV.  It's the little things that matter in life.

LET'S GO!

Love salty pumpkin seeds, 

The B.S.C.

Who IS this Furman?

I'm sorry, if you have children, it's funny.

Apparently, we are 5-0 against Furman.  They appear to be a standard bounce-back team.  Of course, we now have Motley in at QB, so there's an excellent chance we're going to lose.

Just sayin'.

Furman is located in Greenville, South Carolina.  There doesn't seem to be anything notable about their location; they are 4 hours away from Myrtle Beach.  Does anyone remember the Freaky Tiki?

Their color is purple, which is a little girlie for football, but I won't knock it.  It's their mascot that's interesting.  It's called a Paladin.  According to Al Gore and Wikipedia:

"The paladins, sometimes known as the Twelve Peers, were the foremost warriors of Charlemagne's court"

So, basically they are knights.  Snooty knights.

This is the Charlemagne of which they speak:

Not this one.

Apparently, the former Charlemagne, or Charles the Great, was a great military strategist.  Don't ask for anything else, I wasn't a History major. 

The Snooty Knights just lost to Coastal Carolina last week, 35 to 38.  Do you think we can score that many points?  Umm... no.

Once again, this is a game that will be won or lost on our defense.  Let's just go ahead and forget we have an offense this week.  I think that will be best for our general mental well-being.

That being said, Motley gives us an additional 2" on the field, measuring in at 6'3".  He's also 26 pounds heavier.  No nicknames yet for Townie, but we'll see.  For all you NOVA-ers, this Townie beat Briar Woods in 2011 for the State Championship.

Our other options for QB are r-freshman, Durkin, and true freshman, Lawson.  FYI, Durkin is 6'4" and Lawson is a whopping 6'6".  You know, this all matters because height alone makes you a QB.

Duh.

I'm not sure what else to say about this one.  Watching on WWLS3 is always such a joy.  Who knows what the heck is going to happen?  I'd say that the Snooty Knights are a good first opponent for Townie, but they may crush us.  We've turned into Duke.  Oh wait, Duke is good.  Wake Forest?  Worse?

Just buckle in tight and break out your binoculars for tomorrow.  Good thing the 3:30 kick-off provides ample pre-game time.  Can I recommend some beef dip?

Love the unknown, 

The B.S.C.

Hangover in My Heart

Drink consumption was about two times my average last night, but it was nothing that a little Jimmy Dean couldn't soak up this morning.  Perhaps the massive amount of beef dip helped, too.  One serving in the first quarter and another in the third helps to counteract the alcohol.

So, why do I feel so blah today?  Are you feeling it?

Reader Jennifer in North Carolina recommended going to bed at half-time.  An excellent, excellent idea.  You go to bed happy because we're in the lead, and if you wake up today with a loss, no biggie.  It's not heart-breaking, like watching us fail so miserably in the second half last night.

You know why I'm blah?  Because that second quarter gave me hope.  Seventeen unanswered points gave me hope.  I hate hope.

Let me first address something extremely important:

Dear Buick (Its Advertising Department, CEO, and Board of Directors),
     I WILL NEVER, EVER, EVER PURCHASE A BUICK.

     I understand purchasing a large block of advertising space during the very popular Virginia Tech-Ohio State game on September 7th.  I also understand the importance of playing a commercial several times before a person notices it.

     You must also know that at some point viewing the same thing over and over again becomes unbearable.  Playing the exact same commercial every commercial break is horrendous.  If I am exaggerating, then it's not by much.  Trust me.  Your commercial was painful.  I literally had to look away and try not to listen to it.

    Next time (not that it matters to me), keep it to maybe 5 plays over the course of the game.  Got that?  5.  Not 50.

Love,
The B.S.C.

With that out of the way, we can discuss the rest of my disgust from yesterday.  I think a list is appropriate:

1. Orange effect?  Really?  Maroon is obviously our signature color.  Are we so scared of Buck-hole fans muddling it up with red that we gave up our SIGNATURE COLOR on our HOME and SEASON opener?  We are wusses!

2. Herbie needs to lay off the bronzer.  For real.  My better half called him an oompa loompa.  I don't know, but he did look pretty orange to me.  An oompa loompa for the WWLS?  Perhaps.  An idiot Buck-hole?  Yes.  Yes, indeed.
     a. Stupid Herbie quotes:
         1. "He's known for his passing."  WHHHHHHHAAAAAAATTTTTTT?  Yes, he was referring to the Hobbit.
         2. "He's a baller."  Again, referring to the Hobbit.

3. The WWLS lived up to its name and its hatred of all things Hokie last night.  They read the chorus of Enter Sandman poetically at the beginning of the show, during our awesome opening, in case you missed it.  Nothing could be less cool.  Ever.  They also mocked us in the 4th quarter by showing our jumping crowd from the beginning of the game, as we were getting our butts handed to us.  Wow.  That was really thoughtful of them.

4. Our helmet colors were odd.  Coppery, reddish... Herbie orange?

5. After extensive research, I believe the "pimp" in the leopard/cheetah print shirt on the VT sideline was David Wilson.  Can't find any pictures, though... but Al Gore thinks it was Wilson.

6. I counted 4 disgusted Beamer faces on the WWLS, and, 0 gum chewing for St. Bud.  Something was off... very off.

7. Samwise is awesome.

8. The Hobbit sucks.  The problem is that he may be our best QB.  What the heck does Stiney think to himself while recruiting QBs?  I cannot even fathom.  The good news is that the Hobbit's collar bone is broken so we're gonna see a lot of Motley, and hopefully, Durkin.  The bad news is that the Hobbit's collar bone is broken so we're gonna see a lot of Motley, and perhaps, Durkin.  Oh, and the Hobbit's parents were with him on the field after the injury.  Come on, man.  That's embarrassing.

9. We have 3 Edmunds brothers playing?  Holy crap!

10. Only smug people obsess over the word, "the".

Those are my top 10.  I think it covers the highs (a few) and lows (lots more) from last night.  Let's just keep our chins up for now.  I'm a little excited at seeing a new QB.  Let's do this.

Oh, and the normal match-up blog will be coming later this week.  Stay tuned.

Love fresh QB meat,

The B.S.C.

The Ashley Madison of College Football

Embarrassed.  In a place we shouldn't be.

Shhhhhh.

Can the Ashley Madison of NCAA football be forgiven?

Well, it's been a while my friends.  Have you stayed thirsty?  After that Boston College game, I simply couldn't bring myself to type about us anymore.  In fact, it pains me to have to attempt to type about us again as we enter yet another season... unranked.  Gag.  Heave.

Did you know that Bud has been at VT since 1987?  And, he's been the Defensive Coordinator since 1995?  That man has the patience of a Saint.  I don't know how else to explain it.  He is our one and only hope this season (mind the name of the website).  That, and, well, a miracle.

Saint Bud

• St. Bud, Of the Jaw Muscles
• St. Bud, the Patron Saint of Pressure
• St. Bud, the Omnipresent

Etc., etc...

Keep in mind, we did beat the Buck-holes last year.  It was our pre-season bowl game.  It was the pinnacle of our season.  It was 35 to 21 and The Hobbit looked like he would actually turn into a promising QB.  The days of He Who Shall Not Be Named were finally over and Frank promised us that this was our guy.

Fast forward a year and it's looking like we're all Phil Connors in Punxsatawney, P-A.  How many years are we going to hear from Frank that this is "our guy" at QB?  How many years will we be unranked?  How many years is St. Bud going to hang around this crap?

Yes, I am bitter.

I'm sure the Buck-holes are bitter, too.  We served up their only loss last year, and, well... we were BLOODY AWFUL.  EGREGIOUS!!

I'm pretty sure that they will be looking to correct that misstep tomorrow.  The only thing going for us is that we're at home.  That, and St. Bud.  St. Bud's going to give 'em hell.  St. Bud always gives them hell.

I had a VT tee on the other day at the White Trash (WT) Wal-mart in Winchester - you know, the one that borders West Virginny on Route 50.  I love that Wal-mart, but that is a story for another day and another blog.  In all fairness, VT tees make up about 30% of my entire wardrobe, so I only happened to be wearing it because it was clean.  The man behind me in the cigarette line (because often the cigarette line is the ONLY line open there) thanked me for waking up his Buck-holes (he may have called them something else) last season.

He was so smug.

He was too uppity for my WT Wal-mart.

I told him that it was essentially our bowl game, and I expected it to be our bowl game this year as well.  I wished him good luck, and went on my way.

I hate smug Buck-hole fans.  They really are smug, aren't they?

I hope one day we can be smug Hokie fans.  I was smug in the days of Vick and Tyrod.  Now, I am gums (the opposite of smug), I suppose.

Oh Lord, no one wants to be gums.  Gums are disgusting.

Wow... I just looked up Buck-hole to see if it has an actual definition.  Ohhh... maybe I should apologize?

No time for that.

I'm not going to size up the game or make any predictions.  I think the plan for this season is just to let this all play out and see what the heck happens... oh, and see if I can stand typing through it.   I mean, we're only playing the defending National Champions.  The #1 ranked team in the country.

As a good blogger, I just decided to do a little follow-up research on the Buck-hole.  I found this:

Totally makes sense.

Now this?

And this...

I need to do more research on this whole cat reference, but I have to say that I like it.

And, last, but not least, the all-powerful Google via the magic of Al Gore, gave me this under the image search for "Buckhole".

Well, at least I know I'm not original.  Sigh.

So, I'm going to make beef dip and a strong beverage, and watch with a disposition somewhere in between naive optimism and reluctant horror tomorrow night.  At least the beef dip is salty.

In the meantime, take advantage of the Labor Day sale and buy yourself one of these:

I'm now a Bills fan.  Are you?

Dear  Buck-holes,

Please be mediocre and fail miserably.  This is probably the highlight of our season, so be nice.

Thanks,
The B.S.C.

Love St. Bud, the Gingivitis Cure,

The B.S.C.