Exit 118B: I'm a Blog Gangsta

Same ol' story. Different town. Different announcers. Different unis.

There isn't much new to discuss today. We still do things that make no sense on Offense:

- The Giraffe running the ball on 1st and 10
- The Giraffe running the ball on 2nd and 8
- The Giraffe running the ball on 2nd and 20
- The Giraffe running the ball on 2nd and 30
- Attempting a 56-yard field goal with Cody Journell
- Shotgun formation at the 1-yard line
- Running "the option"

OK, so the field goal worked out. I guess Frank has figured out that Journell can make it so long as it's precisely in the middle of the field. He also managed a 47-yarder from the middle. But The Giraffe gets more chances to run the ball than our backs? Shoot me! We had FOUR turnovers. And, excuse me, but what has The Giraffe done to prove that he can handle any sort of "option"? NO OPTIONS!

Yet... according to our esteemed announcers, "but for Logan Thomas" we wouldn't have even been in the game.

Excuse me, but no sentence on Earth should ever start with "but for Logan Thomas" unless it ends with "we'd maybe have a decent season/team/outlook on life".

But for Logan Thomas, my a$$. (Excuse my french.)

This is what the announcers thought of Mr. But For:

- He is "so strong".
- He "will be the most talked-about guy in the Draft next year."
- He hurt himself by coming back for his senior year.
- He has so much talent.
- He is so smart.
- With a "little flick of the wrist", he can throw the ball down the field.

Did you lose your breakfast? I almost did. Anyone who thinks that he will be talked-about during the Draft is certifiably insane and should be committed. Last year was egregious. How could he have "hurt himself" by coming back this year? He hurt US by coming back this year! They even talked about how a team would need to decide if they were going to use him as a QB or not. I absolutely believe that they were on crack at this point. Hallucinating and living in an alternate universe. RIDICULOUS.

The only thing they said last week that wasn't ridiculous was that Nicolas "waffled" someone. I approve of that lingo. It has officially been added to the blog's lexicon.

So here we are, facing the thugs of the ACC tonight and, oh, lucky us... they are ranked #11 in the nation. The only thing worse than playing the thugs is playing them when they are actually good. Their perfect season was ruined last week when FSU pummeled them, 41-14. Did I mention that FSU is now #2? For being in such a crappy football conference, we have three teams in the top 25 of the BCS. How is that possible, Herbie?

Today's pre-game summary is brought to you by Coolio, all rights reserved.

"Gangsta's Paradise", aka, "Playing the thugs in their Paradise"

As we walk through the tunnel at Sun Life, losing my breath
I take a look at our season and realize there's nothin' left
Cause we've been trying to make a Tight End a QB so long,
That even my mama thinks that our mind is gone
But I ain't never given up hope when we didn't deserve it
We be treated like punks and you know we deserve it
We better watch how we're talking cuz we're the losers walking
And the U has its opponents all lined up in chalk
I really hate to say it but at the U we should gawk
As we croak, I see myself in the cannon smoke, fool
I'm the kinda B.S.C. the little homies wanna be like
On my knees in the closet humming sandman in the nightlight

Been spending most our lives, asking Stiney for his advice
Been spending most our lives, asking Stiney for his advice
Keep spending most our lives, playing the thugs in their paradise
Keep spending most our lives, playing the thugs in their paradise

Look at the situation Stiney's got us facin'

We can't live a normal life, pulling tight ends from the streets
So we gotta be down with a crap team
Too much Vick remembering got me chasing dreams
I'm an educated fool with wins on my mind
Got my laptop in my hand and a tear in my eye
I'm a blog gangsta, not some trippin' banger
And my Hokies are down which arouses my anger, FOOL
A loss ain't nothing but a heartbeat away,
I'm waiting for some O, do or die, what can I say
I'm 33 now, but will I live to see 34
The way things are going I don't know

Tell me why are we so blind to see
That the ones we recruit only hurt you and me

Been spending most our lives, asking Stiney for his advice
Been spending most our lives, asking Stiney for his advice
Keep spending most our lives, playing the thugs in their paradise
Keep spending most our lives, playing the thugs in their paradise

Thugs and their felonies, money and the power
Minute after minute, hour after hour
Only Logan's running, but he ain't bookin'
Is Stiney still in the kitchen, cuz I don't know what's cookin'
They say Logan's gotta learn, but our play-calls are key
If he can't understand it, how can we ever be
I guess he can't, I guess they won't
I guess they front, that's why I know our season's out of luck, FOOL

Been spending most our lives, asking Stiney for his advice
Been spending most our lives, asking Stiney for his advice
Keep spending most our lives, playing the thugs in their paradise
Keep spending most our lives, playing the thugs in their paradise

Tell me why are we so blind to see
That the ones we recruit only hurt you and me
Tell me why are we so blind to see
That the ones Beamer hurts are you and me
[Fade out]

And that's all I have I have to say about that. In case you need a refresher...