This is Beamer's 300th game at Tech. He scored his 200th VT win over ECU this season, and he is in his 25th season. His very first win as the head coach of the Hokies came against the Tigers in 1987. Clemson comes into Lane Stadium, home of Enter Sandman, the Hokie Bird, and all that is right with college football on a Saturday night, ranked #13 in the nation (AP poll), and we are #11. This is game #31 between us; Clemson leads the series 17-12-1. BUT, we've won the last five. Pi = 3.1415926535. Lane stadium seats 66,233 Hokies. Logan Thomas is 6'6". The average giraffe is between 14' and 17' tall.
Does your head hurt? Good! Now we're almost ready to discuss Clemson.
First off, let's just point out some more fun numbers. We are currently ranked SECOND in the nation for our rushing defense, averaging just 43 yards per game. We held Marshall to just 6 yards rushing. Danny Coale, Mr. Awesome, is now fifth all-time in receiving yards at Tech, with 2,039 yards. He also is ranked third in career receptions, with 123. Boykin is first in receptions, with 133, and is second in the receiving yards category, totaling 2,216. I have a feeling that Mr. Awesome is going to pass Boykin this year. Not that I don't love Boykin, but I'd like to see them battle it out.
OK. Now we're ready for the real stuff.
This why I hate Clemson:
1. They "forgot" to update information from last week's game against the Seminoles in the game notes. Virginia Tech's official colors, according to them, are "Garnet and Gold"
2. Their official colors are Burnt Orange and Northwest Purple...couldn't they find their own shade of orange?
3. They beat Auburn 2 weeks ago, ending the longest winning streak in the nation... which now belongs to us
4. They stole two of their finest players from VA: QB Tajh Boyd (Hampton) and DE Andre Branch
5. I just threw up a little, thinking of the garnet and gold
6. After putting the hurt on Auburn, they beat a second ranked opponent, THE garnet and gold (formerly #11), 35-30
7. Google does not like the term "northwest purple", but, I did discover a lovely chutney recipe
8. Their basketball arena is called Littlejohn Coliseum
9. Someone gave their stadium the nickname "Death Valley". Lame.
10. They "run down a hill" to get onto their field, and call it the most exciting 25-seconds in college football. Um... yeah. Running sounds soooo exciting. Especially mixed with the enchanting sounds of "Tiger Rag"
In all fairness, we have stolen 4 things from the somewhat-fun state of South Carolina. We cannot completely discredit a state that includes Myrtle Beach. It's too fun. Regardless, we have 3 SC players: Andrew Lanier, Tariq Edwards, and Bruce Taylor. AND, though not quite proven yet, our newest play caller, Mike O'Cain, played for the Tony the Tigers and was the team MVP in 1976. He was the QB and the punter. O'Cain graduated from the jewel of the south in 1977.
We are 7-0 in ACC conference openers, which bodes well for us. The Tigers have never won 3 straight games against ranked opponents. So why is this game so flippin' scary? Coach Dabo Swinney came from Alabama. He's in his third year and he means business. We need to watch out for star WR Sammy Watkins. He averages 15.5 yards per reception. And, of course, there's QB Boyd, who averages an incredible 327.5 yards per game. Ouch. Those two scare me. Give 'em hell, Bud! RB Andre Ellington is also excellent, averaging 92.8 yards per game. If we can hold him to under 50, we have a good shot at winning this game.
I can try to say that we need O'Cain to call amazing plays, Stiney to call in sick, and Bud to take over both offense and defense. But I won't. Here's what I know. Although they talk a big talk about "Death Valley", they are scared to death of us, of Lane Stadium. All the players have been talking about all week is the noise that they expect on 3rd downs, and the sound of keys jingling in the crisp Blacksburg air. (OK, so I made that last part up.) I really think some of them are having nightmares about this game. It's either going to cripple them, or make them famous. And, as always, we're going to either shine, or fail miserably.
I will be there in my long johns, snow jacket, and maroon. Just in case you've forgotten, we're actually allowed to wear maroon this time. High temp is 47 in the New River Valley. It's gonna be dark and freezing. Your toes will go numb and you will get hit in the head with a paper airplane. You have no choice but to stand and yell until everything hurts and you can't speak for a week. Borrow keys from your friends so that you jingle better than anyone else in your section. I, of course, will be in Section 5 again...waiting for the man to lean back just a little too far. This time... oh, this time... he'll feel what a nice cold cup of Coke feels like when it's windy and cold in Blacksburg.
Our QB is young. We are the deciding factor in this game. We have so much talent. If we can make them believe in themselves, we'll win this.
The drive down will be lush and green. The air will be crisp. I'm sure the drillfield will feel like Antarctica. I am so excited I can barely stand the drive down. Exit 118B, here I come.
All my love + Pi = The B.S.C.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Sunday, September 25, 2011
You're No Daisy. You're No Daisy At All!
It is what it is.
If I hadn't been trying to keep the Tombstone theme up for this post, that would have been the title of this column. What can I say? They blocked our PAT. Somehow, through the magic of replay, we avoided the safety. And oh...why again, did we give a kicker a scholarship? What happened to Beamer's philosophy of using walk-ons and fifth-year seniors?
It was a rough game, once again. I never got that feeling of "Oh my Lord I'm going to get an ulcer watching this game," but it still wasn't pretty. Yet, somehow, we now have the longest winning streak in college football. Thanks to who? Clemson. Who are we playing next week? Clemson. Don't pee in your pants just yet. Save that for later this week.
So let's do a brief wrap up of what stunk: our kicking, our passing, and well, the abandonment of running up the middle. We missed field goals. And for God's sake, Danny Coale was punting. He hasn't punted since high school! Seriously, Danny Coale is awesome. Logan Thomas = not so awesome this game. His throws were sloppy. We're actually fortunate that we didn't have more interceptions. I don't know what happened since last week versus Arkansas State. Maybe he just needs to be in Lane Stadium. I don't know. All I know is that we better not see that side of him this Saturday. Oh yes, I said something about abandoning that run up the middle. I know, I know. I have mocked Stiney incessantly for this play. But I am pretty sure I said that we need to do it every once in a while, to keep the defense honest. We didn't do that. Without a doubt, Wilson had an awesome game because we allowed him to get to the outside. But can't we let Oglesby in a little more often to tire the defense out? He's our North and South runner. Maybe I'm just never content with Stiney's play-calling. Or maybe I'm still scarred from us looking like Miami, or Syracuse. Seriously? Orange pants AND orange helmets? No one likes orange that much, and we're Hokies, dammit! Please, please, Frank... can we stop with the crazy uniforms? Give us some maroon before we shrivel up and die.
For the record, that was the first time we've worn that uniform combo in VT history. Let's hope it was the last.
This was a normal TV game for us as Tech fans. They brought out the lunch pail, they talked about how awesome Bud Foster is, and they talked about us running for a National Championship. National Championship? Really?? Either Beamer is insane, which, based on his decision year after year to keep Stiney, is possible, or he just really tries to hype up the kids in the locker room with nonsense quotes. I mean, I love us. LOVE us. But I don't think we are at the level we need to be to really compete for a national championship. Maybe when Logan Thomas has some more experience, I'll get excited. But for right now, I'd like to stick to one game at a time.
I still feel bad for the Buffalo Beanie Babies. I don't even think I saw Marco on TV. That's sad. Maybe they are embarrassed of him. Their claim to fame is Chad Pennington (sorry, Byron Leftwich, apparently they think you suck). They also have a really stupid gong/bell that rings on third downs. I found it extremely annoying. If that is the purpose if it, then good job, Beanie Babies, good job.
So, that's about it. I've rambled on enough about a pretty dull game. Hosley is still fantastic. Same with Danny Coale. My last bit of advice is this: Do not wear white polo shirts, especially when you are going to be on TV. The last thing anyone wants to see is man-nipple. Enough said.
Drink heavily until the next post. You will need it to read about Clemson.
Regards,
The B.S.C.
If I hadn't been trying to keep the Tombstone theme up for this post, that would have been the title of this column. What can I say? They blocked our PAT. Somehow, through the magic of replay, we avoided the safety. And oh...why again, did we give a kicker a scholarship? What happened to Beamer's philosophy of using walk-ons and fifth-year seniors?
It was a rough game, once again. I never got that feeling of "Oh my Lord I'm going to get an ulcer watching this game," but it still wasn't pretty. Yet, somehow, we now have the longest winning streak in college football. Thanks to who? Clemson. Who are we playing next week? Clemson. Don't pee in your pants just yet. Save that for later this week.
So let's do a brief wrap up of what stunk: our kicking, our passing, and well, the abandonment of running up the middle. We missed field goals. And for God's sake, Danny Coale was punting. He hasn't punted since high school! Seriously, Danny Coale is awesome. Logan Thomas = not so awesome this game. His throws were sloppy. We're actually fortunate that we didn't have more interceptions. I don't know what happened since last week versus Arkansas State. Maybe he just needs to be in Lane Stadium. I don't know. All I know is that we better not see that side of him this Saturday. Oh yes, I said something about abandoning that run up the middle. I know, I know. I have mocked Stiney incessantly for this play. But I am pretty sure I said that we need to do it every once in a while, to keep the defense honest. We didn't do that. Without a doubt, Wilson had an awesome game because we allowed him to get to the outside. But can't we let Oglesby in a little more often to tire the defense out? He's our North and South runner. Maybe I'm just never content with Stiney's play-calling. Or maybe I'm still scarred from us looking like Miami, or Syracuse. Seriously? Orange pants AND orange helmets? No one likes orange that much, and we're Hokies, dammit! Please, please, Frank... can we stop with the crazy uniforms? Give us some maroon before we shrivel up and die.
For the record, that was the first time we've worn that uniform combo in VT history. Let's hope it was the last.
This was a normal TV game for us as Tech fans. They brought out the lunch pail, they talked about how awesome Bud Foster is, and they talked about us running for a National Championship. National Championship? Really?? Either Beamer is insane, which, based on his decision year after year to keep Stiney, is possible, or he just really tries to hype up the kids in the locker room with nonsense quotes. I mean, I love us. LOVE us. But I don't think we are at the level we need to be to really compete for a national championship. Maybe when Logan Thomas has some more experience, I'll get excited. But for right now, I'd like to stick to one game at a time.
I still feel bad for the Buffalo Beanie Babies. I don't even think I saw Marco on TV. That's sad. Maybe they are embarrassed of him. Their claim to fame is Chad Pennington (sorry, Byron Leftwich, apparently they think you suck). They also have a really stupid gong/bell that rings on third downs. I found it extremely annoying. If that is the purpose if it, then good job, Beanie Babies, good job.
So, that's about it. I've rambled on enough about a pretty dull game. Hosley is still fantastic. Same with Danny Coale. My last bit of advice is this: Do not wear white polo shirts, especially when you are going to be on TV. The last thing anyone wants to see is man-nipple. Enough said.
Drink heavily until the next post. You will need it to read about Clemson.
Regards,
The B.S.C.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Hokies vs. the Buffalo Beanie Baby
Dear Marco, the Bison/Buffalo:
I cannot say that I fully understand you. Your school mascot is "The Thundering Herd", which I assume means a herd of bison or buffalo, based on your existance. Your name is Marco, Marshall College. I get it. But really? Isn't that a little silly? You are a full-fledged university now, man! Stand up for yourself. You should now be Marun, or Marshy, or how about Marshall? I don't know. I come from a school where we made up the mascot's name, quite like yours, but I somehow still feel like yours is inferior. I don't know, buddy. And, the whole buffalo costume kinda reminds me of a beanie baby. In fact, you could be named "Roam", after the beanie baby. Oh give me a home, where the buffalo roam... It's ok. I have the turkey beanie baby. Anywho, just wanted to say hey and sorry for the beat-down you are going to receive on Saturday. What's the difference between a bison and a buffalo, anyway? You ponder that one for me, and let me know.
Love,
The B.S.C.
We lead the series with The Herd 8-2. Our only two losses came to us at the ONLY two Huntington games. That, my friends, should scare the crap out of you. Now, granted, these games took place in 1939 and in 1940. But you know us. Remember that first scoring drive from Arkansas State last week? Remember how you felt? This is how this game could feel. We haven't made this trip since 1940. This is scary.
During our last meeting in 2009, we won 52-10. Then freshman, David Wilson, had 165 yards with a TD.
Who is leading The Herd in Huntington? None other than the man himself, Doc Holliday. No, not that Doc Holliday. He isn't a gun slinging outlaw from the Old West. He probably doesn't say awesome things, like, "I'm your huckleberry," and "You're a daisy if you do." But, he's trying his best as a new, second-year coach, to be like his alma-mater: WVU. If he was the real Doc Holliday, I might consider cheering for a new school, but since he isn't, here's why I feel bad for him:
1. He isn't the real Doc Holliday.
2. The Herd had 6 turnovers last week against Ohio University.
3. They have had 26 penalties this season, resulting in 197 yards. That is an average of 65.7 yards per game.
4. They have no rushing touchdowns so far this year.
5. Kicker Tyler Warner is their #2 scorer, with 14 points so far this year.
6. He graduated from WVU twice, once with a bachelors and once with a masters.
7. Marco, the Bison
8. Huntington, WV
9. "The Thundering Herd"
10. Conference USA
Tron Martinez averages 6 yards per carry, and has 217 yards so far this year. He also averages 12.7 yards per game in receiving yards. Travon Van is the other back, with 99 yards so far this year, averaging 2.7 yards per carry, and, like his counterpart, averages 12.7 receiving yards per game.
QB Rakeem Cato has 506 yards, 4 TDs, and averages 168.7 yards per game. Not too shabby. Their leading receivers, Aaron Dobson and Antavious Wilson, average 47.3 and 31.3 yards per game, respectively.
That's pretty much it. They rely on their mediocre offense to move the ball, and according to Holliday's press conference, all he can think of is Bud Foster's defense making his life miserable on Saturday. He is probably having nightmares. I would. He also thinks that Logan Thomas is 6'7". Every time he referred to Thomas in the press conference, the Giraffe grew an inch.
Stiney can probably do just about anything and win this game, but I am always amazed at how resourceful his ineptness is. So, I'm not going to hold my breath. I'm not driving to Huntington, because, I've been told it is a "crap hole". And well, The B.S.C. is not fond of crap-holes. This game scares me, as it should scare you. This is a huge game for the Thundering Bison. It's televised. It's at home. We're ranked. Does this smell scary? Could Stiney ruin us? Yes and yes. But, we always have Bud. In Bud I trust.
Per the Tombstone theme this week, let's part with this mental image of Bud Foster yelling, "You tell 'em I'm coming... and hell's coming with me, you hear? Hell's coming with me!"
You called down the thunder and now you've got it!
Give 'em hell, Bud.
Very cosmopolitan.
Say when.
-The B.S.C.
I cannot say that I fully understand you. Your school mascot is "The Thundering Herd", which I assume means a herd of bison or buffalo, based on your existance. Your name is Marco, Marshall College. I get it. But really? Isn't that a little silly? You are a full-fledged university now, man! Stand up for yourself. You should now be Marun, or Marshy, or how about Marshall? I don't know. I come from a school where we made up the mascot's name, quite like yours, but I somehow still feel like yours is inferior. I don't know, buddy. And, the whole buffalo costume kinda reminds me of a beanie baby. In fact, you could be named "Roam", after the beanie baby. Oh give me a home, where the buffalo roam... It's ok. I have the turkey beanie baby. Anywho, just wanted to say hey and sorry for the beat-down you are going to receive on Saturday. What's the difference between a bison and a buffalo, anyway? You ponder that one for me, and let me know.
Love,
The B.S.C.
We lead the series with The Herd 8-2. Our only two losses came to us at the ONLY two Huntington games. That, my friends, should scare the crap out of you. Now, granted, these games took place in 1939 and in 1940. But you know us. Remember that first scoring drive from Arkansas State last week? Remember how you felt? This is how this game could feel. We haven't made this trip since 1940. This is scary.
During our last meeting in 2009, we won 52-10. Then freshman, David Wilson, had 165 yards with a TD.
Who is leading The Herd in Huntington? None other than the man himself, Doc Holliday. No, not that Doc Holliday. He isn't a gun slinging outlaw from the Old West. He probably doesn't say awesome things, like, "I'm your huckleberry," and "You're a daisy if you do." But, he's trying his best as a new, second-year coach, to be like his alma-mater: WVU. If he was the real Doc Holliday, I might consider cheering for a new school, but since he isn't, here's why I feel bad for him:
1. He isn't the real Doc Holliday.
2. The Herd had 6 turnovers last week against Ohio University.
3. They have had 26 penalties this season, resulting in 197 yards. That is an average of 65.7 yards per game.
4. They have no rushing touchdowns so far this year.
5. Kicker Tyler Warner is their #2 scorer, with 14 points so far this year.
6. He graduated from WVU twice, once with a bachelors and once with a masters.
7. Marco, the Bison
8. Huntington, WV
9. "The Thundering Herd"
10. Conference USA
Tron Martinez averages 6 yards per carry, and has 217 yards so far this year. He also averages 12.7 yards per game in receiving yards. Travon Van is the other back, with 99 yards so far this year, averaging 2.7 yards per carry, and, like his counterpart, averages 12.7 receiving yards per game.
QB Rakeem Cato has 506 yards, 4 TDs, and averages 168.7 yards per game. Not too shabby. Their leading receivers, Aaron Dobson and Antavious Wilson, average 47.3 and 31.3 yards per game, respectively.
That's pretty much it. They rely on their mediocre offense to move the ball, and according to Holliday's press conference, all he can think of is Bud Foster's defense making his life miserable on Saturday. He is probably having nightmares. I would. He also thinks that Logan Thomas is 6'7". Every time he referred to Thomas in the press conference, the Giraffe grew an inch.
Stiney can probably do just about anything and win this game, but I am always amazed at how resourceful his ineptness is. So, I'm not going to hold my breath. I'm not driving to Huntington, because, I've been told it is a "crap hole". And well, The B.S.C. is not fond of crap-holes. This game scares me, as it should scare you. This is a huge game for the Thundering Bison. It's televised. It's at home. We're ranked. Does this smell scary? Could Stiney ruin us? Yes and yes. But, we always have Bud. In Bud I trust.
Per the Tombstone theme this week, let's part with this mental image of Bud Foster yelling, "You tell 'em I'm coming... and hell's coming with me, you hear? Hell's coming with me!"
You called down the thunder and now you've got it!
Give 'em hell, Bud.
Very cosmopolitan.
Say when.
-The B.S.C.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
To the Man Who Sat in Front of Me in Section 5
Dear Sir,
I'm not that tall. If I were like Logan Thomas, I don't know how I ever would have even sat in my seat in Section 5. I can only do so much with a permanent chair strapped to the bleachers. I sat back as far as I could, and even then, my knees were right up against the back of your permanent chair. This is a Capitalist society; I appreciate that we both had permanent chairs, supporting the Corps of Cadets. But these are simply seat backs. I will repeat: these are SIMPLY SEAT BACKS. This was not to be used as a recliner. Did the seat say La-z-boy? Negative. You pushed that sucker back non-stop, as far as it could go. I actually thought it was going to break. It didn't. My knee caps? Almost. You didn't feel my knees in your shoulders every time you shot back towards an angle only a chaise lounge could achieve? What is wrong with you? And don't even get me started on the fact that we were sitting, at all, in Section 5. I was severely disappointed with this. If you need to lay down, like a little baby, during the game, please stay at home. Lane stadium is not a place for nappy time. I will be sitting behind you again, unfortunately, in two weeks at the Clemson game. If you do it again, I promise I will "accidentally" spill my drink on your back. Then we'll see if you like leaning back.
OK, now that I got that off my chest, I am prepared to comment on the rest of the game against the Little Red Riding Wolves. Deep breaths.
First of all, I'd like to give a shout out to G-Squared (George George). He caught his first college reception, a lovely 37-yarder, against the Red Wolves. Nice job, G-Squared.
Logan Thomas, welcome! Stiney, while having an out-of-body experience, actually gave Thomas opportunities to act like a real QB, outside of third-and-longs. Some of his throws were good, very good. Don't get me wrong, he still made some stupid decisions. He had the interception, of course, and I am still having nightmares from when he threw at three little red riding wolves while Danny Coale was all by himself 60 yards down the field, wide open. He had a decent run maybe once, still looking like a giraffe, but it was effective. He's no Tyrod- that's obvious. But all in all he looked like he could throw the ball and manage the offense, which is relieving. But I don't trust anyone with a first name for a last name, so we'll see if he can keep it up.
Danny Coale = awesomeness. Stiney couldn't handle all the perfection and decided to try running David Wilson up the middle all second half. Regardless of Stiney's attempt to deny the awesomeness, Coale managed to have 7 catches (including the TD) for 128 yards, most of which he piled up in the first half. I know Stiney, you failed at making us look pathetic. I'm sorry.
What you have managed to do, Stiney, is ruin David Wilson. The boy does not run well up the middle. Is this not obvious? Even I can see it. He does best going to the outside. Let Oglesby run it up the middle. I'm not saying you can't ever have Wilson try it, because we need to keep the defense honest, but please, please - let the boy run to the outside.
Dyrell Roberts disappeared after opening kick-off. Apparently he broke his left arm during the first play of the game. This is sad. Let's all hope that he can get a medical hardship waiver so that he can be a redshirt senior next season. He's such a talented player and this will probably keep him out the rest of the season. Hokies everywhere should be bummed about this; we've lost a great special teams player and wide receiver.
Hosley = awesomeness too. Two interceptions, not to mention his tackling ability, allowed us to completely shut down the little red riding wolves' defense. We held Jarboe to just 4 catches totalling 38 yards.
I heard nothing from Sirgregory; no golf claps were issued from Section 5. The weather was not awesome, as I had hoped. But at least I didn't freeze my ass off, and at least it didn't rain. Two questions: is it really that hard to find something white to wear? Half of the crowd had on maroon. Seriously? You can't even participate in something for Herma? They have white t-shirts at every store downtown: $9.95. Pick a sport and buy one, please. Do I personally like the idea of a "white out"? No, I think it's stupid. I want to wear maroon, just like you. I'd even prefer to wear orange. Or black. But I'm a Hokie, and if the football players have to wear ugly white helmets, then I will also wear an ugly white shirt. Enough said.
I was unable to acquire new plastic cups. I didn't trust the weird guy at the end of my row with any sort of monetary exchange with a vendor, and my knee caps couldn't handle getting out of my row in order to obtain refreshments from below. So I sat. And sat. Nice and thirsty. Smelly breath to my right, drunk to my left, and nappy time in front of me. Not to mention some girl with an incredibly annoying voice behind me. I can appreciate the smelly breath, and thank God, I only caught a whiff a couple times... and I appreciate a good drunk, like everyone, and well, I expect SOMEONE to have an annoying voice, regardless of where I sit. But seriously, Section 5? Sitting?? Section 5 below was standing, Section 5 to my left was standing, but we sat like a bunch of girls, reclining in our padded seats. I'm not that person who will stand with everyone else sitting. So I sat too. But it was unnatural, and I feel violated by doing it.
Dear Section 5,
Please do not sit on your asses for the Clemson and Miami games. Clemson just beat Auburn, and that is incredibly scary. Miami just beat Ohio State, and that is horrendously scary. I don't drive for 4 hours to sit and watch the game. I drive for 4 hours to live it on my feet, yelling and jumping. Please don't make me sit again. Think of the humanity! Please.
In Bud I trust. 3-0.
Love,
The B.S.C.
I'm not that tall. If I were like Logan Thomas, I don't know how I ever would have even sat in my seat in Section 5. I can only do so much with a permanent chair strapped to the bleachers. I sat back as far as I could, and even then, my knees were right up against the back of your permanent chair. This is a Capitalist society; I appreciate that we both had permanent chairs, supporting the Corps of Cadets. But these are simply seat backs. I will repeat: these are SIMPLY SEAT BACKS. This was not to be used as a recliner. Did the seat say La-z-boy? Negative. You pushed that sucker back non-stop, as far as it could go. I actually thought it was going to break. It didn't. My knee caps? Almost. You didn't feel my knees in your shoulders every time you shot back towards an angle only a chaise lounge could achieve? What is wrong with you? And don't even get me started on the fact that we were sitting, at all, in Section 5. I was severely disappointed with this. If you need to lay down, like a little baby, during the game, please stay at home. Lane stadium is not a place for nappy time. I will be sitting behind you again, unfortunately, in two weeks at the Clemson game. If you do it again, I promise I will "accidentally" spill my drink on your back. Then we'll see if you like leaning back.
OK, now that I got that off my chest, I am prepared to comment on the rest of the game against the Little Red Riding Wolves. Deep breaths.
First of all, I'd like to give a shout out to G-Squared (George George). He caught his first college reception, a lovely 37-yarder, against the Red Wolves. Nice job, G-Squared.
Logan Thomas, welcome! Stiney, while having an out-of-body experience, actually gave Thomas opportunities to act like a real QB, outside of third-and-longs. Some of his throws were good, very good. Don't get me wrong, he still made some stupid decisions. He had the interception, of course, and I am still having nightmares from when he threw at three little red riding wolves while Danny Coale was all by himself 60 yards down the field, wide open. He had a decent run maybe once, still looking like a giraffe, but it was effective. He's no Tyrod- that's obvious. But all in all he looked like he could throw the ball and manage the offense, which is relieving. But I don't trust anyone with a first name for a last name, so we'll see if he can keep it up.
Danny Coale = awesomeness. Stiney couldn't handle all the perfection and decided to try running David Wilson up the middle all second half. Regardless of Stiney's attempt to deny the awesomeness, Coale managed to have 7 catches (including the TD) for 128 yards, most of which he piled up in the first half. I know Stiney, you failed at making us look pathetic. I'm sorry.
What you have managed to do, Stiney, is ruin David Wilson. The boy does not run well up the middle. Is this not obvious? Even I can see it. He does best going to the outside. Let Oglesby run it up the middle. I'm not saying you can't ever have Wilson try it, because we need to keep the defense honest, but please, please - let the boy run to the outside.
Dyrell Roberts disappeared after opening kick-off. Apparently he broke his left arm during the first play of the game. This is sad. Let's all hope that he can get a medical hardship waiver so that he can be a redshirt senior next season. He's such a talented player and this will probably keep him out the rest of the season. Hokies everywhere should be bummed about this; we've lost a great special teams player and wide receiver.
Hosley = awesomeness too. Two interceptions, not to mention his tackling ability, allowed us to completely shut down the little red riding wolves' defense. We held Jarboe to just 4 catches totalling 38 yards.
I heard nothing from Sirgregory; no golf claps were issued from Section 5. The weather was not awesome, as I had hoped. But at least I didn't freeze my ass off, and at least it didn't rain. Two questions: is it really that hard to find something white to wear? Half of the crowd had on maroon. Seriously? You can't even participate in something for Herma? They have white t-shirts at every store downtown: $9.95. Pick a sport and buy one, please. Do I personally like the idea of a "white out"? No, I think it's stupid. I want to wear maroon, just like you. I'd even prefer to wear orange. Or black. But I'm a Hokie, and if the football players have to wear ugly white helmets, then I will also wear an ugly white shirt. Enough said.
I was unable to acquire new plastic cups. I didn't trust the weird guy at the end of my row with any sort of monetary exchange with a vendor, and my knee caps couldn't handle getting out of my row in order to obtain refreshments from below. So I sat. And sat. Nice and thirsty. Smelly breath to my right, drunk to my left, and nappy time in front of me. Not to mention some girl with an incredibly annoying voice behind me. I can appreciate the smelly breath, and thank God, I only caught a whiff a couple times... and I appreciate a good drunk, like everyone, and well, I expect SOMEONE to have an annoying voice, regardless of where I sit. But seriously, Section 5? Sitting?? Section 5 below was standing, Section 5 to my left was standing, but we sat like a bunch of girls, reclining in our padded seats. I'm not that person who will stand with everyone else sitting. So I sat too. But it was unnatural, and I feel violated by doing it.
Dear Section 5,
Please do not sit on your asses for the Clemson and Miami games. Clemson just beat Auburn, and that is incredibly scary. Miami just beat Ohio State, and that is horrendously scary. I don't drive for 4 hours to sit and watch the game. I drive for 4 hours to live it on my feet, yelling and jumping. Please don't make me sit again. Think of the humanity! Please.
In Bud I trust. 3-0.
Love,
The B.S.C.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Little Red Riding Wolves
According to the game notes for the Red Wolves, ASU ranks #25 in the nation for total offense (VT is #43) and for total defense, ASU ranks #41 in the nation (VT is #8). Another stat from their site: ASU has lost 4 games between VT and Miami, all at least by 27 points. Their closest game with an ACC opponent came against NC State, where they lost in double over-time, 38-31. Ouch. The ACC, 5, the little red riding wolves, 0.
Let's get serious. Their QB, Ryan Aplin, seems pretty efficient, ranking 20th in the nation after two games this season. They have two excellent wide receivers, Jarboe and Frampton, and two decent running backs with redshirt freshman, Frankie Jackson, and sophomore, Sirgregory Thornton. OH YES. That is NOT a typo. Sirgregory. Number 27. Watch for his highness. I would like to put it out there right now - the golf clap. I'm going to personally give Sirgregory one every time he touches the ball. You can bet on it.
The little red riding wolves had a monster game against Memphis this season, with over 600 yards of offense. What's that, Bud? You're gonna give them hell? I'm not concerned.
What does concern me is that we like to play down to our opponents. This is a big deal for the red riding wolves. This is the third straight year where they will be playing in a nationally televised game. Yes, that's right. ONE nationally televised game, three years in a row. Yipee! The Sun Belt Conference isn't quite the SEC, but we do like to lose to people in obscure conferences... JMU ring a bell? This would be their first win against an ACC team. As Hokies, we know how our team loves to make other teams look good. Especially when it comes to the "first" of something. We can't let this game slip away like last week.
I expect more insanity on offense this week, dialed up exclusively a-la-Bryan Stinespring. Here is the Stiney recipe for Hokie success:
One large giraffe for 2-yard gains (aka, the QB keeper)
A pinch of David Wilson just to keep the defense guessing
A dash of Oglesby in the red zone
And 8 tons of prayers that our defense will control the game because where oh where would we be without Bud Foster?
I will be at this game. The thought of Enter Sandman is so exciting I don't know if I can sleep. It makes my heart skip a beat and my eyes twinkle just a little bit more. I will wear white. It's for Beamer's mom, you know, so make fun of me all you want, but Herma should be your hero, too. I will probably freeze my ass off. I will buy over-priced Coke just so I can renew my plastic cups. I will shake my car keys on third down, I will attempt to make a turkey with my fingers (yes, this is COMPLETELY different than the gay "VT" with your fingers), and I will smile tomorrow morning when Exit 118B appears in my windshield. This is as good as it gets. College Football, 4pm kickoff, awesome weather in Blacksburg, and the possibility of kicking some out-of-conference ass.
If you aren't there, you should be. Look for me on tv.
Let's get serious. Their QB, Ryan Aplin, seems pretty efficient, ranking 20th in the nation after two games this season. They have two excellent wide receivers, Jarboe and Frampton, and two decent running backs with redshirt freshman, Frankie Jackson, and sophomore, Sirgregory Thornton. OH YES. That is NOT a typo. Sirgregory. Number 27. Watch for his highness. I would like to put it out there right now - the golf clap. I'm going to personally give Sirgregory one every time he touches the ball. You can bet on it.
The little red riding wolves had a monster game against Memphis this season, with over 600 yards of offense. What's that, Bud? You're gonna give them hell? I'm not concerned.
What does concern me is that we like to play down to our opponents. This is a big deal for the red riding wolves. This is the third straight year where they will be playing in a nationally televised game. Yes, that's right. ONE nationally televised game, three years in a row. Yipee! The Sun Belt Conference isn't quite the SEC, but we do like to lose to people in obscure conferences... JMU ring a bell? This would be their first win against an ACC team. As Hokies, we know how our team loves to make other teams look good. Especially when it comes to the "first" of something. We can't let this game slip away like last week.
I expect more insanity on offense this week, dialed up exclusively a-la-Bryan Stinespring. Here is the Stiney recipe for Hokie success:
One large giraffe for 2-yard gains (aka, the QB keeper)
A pinch of David Wilson just to keep the defense guessing
A dash of Oglesby in the red zone
And 8 tons of prayers that our defense will control the game because where oh where would we be without Bud Foster?
I will be at this game. The thought of Enter Sandman is so exciting I don't know if I can sleep. It makes my heart skip a beat and my eyes twinkle just a little bit more. I will wear white. It's for Beamer's mom, you know, so make fun of me all you want, but Herma should be your hero, too. I will probably freeze my ass off. I will buy over-priced Coke just so I can renew my plastic cups. I will shake my car keys on third down, I will attempt to make a turkey with my fingers (yes, this is COMPLETELY different than the gay "VT" with your fingers), and I will smile tomorrow morning when Exit 118B appears in my windshield. This is as good as it gets. College Football, 4pm kickoff, awesome weather in Blacksburg, and the possibility of kicking some out-of-conference ass.
If you aren't there, you should be. Look for me on tv.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
I Almost Had a Stroke
Beating the Pirates doesn't seem like it should be that difficult. They are purple, for God's sake. I am sorta jealous of the pirate flags. We don't have anything like that. And just think, every time you go to Disney World, you could stock up on game-day gear at the Pirates of the Caribbean gift shop. How cool would that be? Yeah, that would be pretty lame. I'm with ya.
Seriously, though, that game was awful. The first quarter? Awful. The second quarter? Awful. At half-time I started to contemplate what type of alcohol I needed to start drinking. Thank God that Bud gave 'em hell in the locker room.
This is what I feel the conversation went with between the coaches in the locker room at half-time:
Stinespring: I don't know Frank, they must have a really good defense even though all our players are bigger than theirs.
Beamer: Where the hell has Wilson been?
Stinespring: We are trying to fake the defense out by not using him effectively. My plan is to let Thomas run every other play. The QB keeper! That's my big play for this game.
Beamer: What the hell have you been drinking at PK's? Let Wilson run the damn ball.
Logan Thomas didn't even want to be a QB. Stiney had to convince him. Don't get me wrong, he's huge. It's nice to have a QB that towers over everyone else. But this is no Vick or Taylor. Did you see how awkward he is when he runs? Maybe it's just that he's like a giraffe running out there, above all the zebras. I guess Stiney thinks that even if he just falls forward, he's good for two yards. I just hope Thomas wants to be a QB now. Because I don't want to sit through years and years of some guy that doesn't want to be there. And can we please not give him a complex, Stiney? Let him throw the ball in some other situation than third and long. Some of his throws looked horrible, but he's new. He is supposed to have awful throws. At least let him throw without pressure a couple times on first or second down. Give the boy a chance without making him think that you don't trust his ability to throw the ball. I know we are awesome at ruining QBs, but can we not ruin this one?
And I thought that this season was going to be spectacular, thanks to Stiney staying out of the booth. I think he's still calling all the shots, even though he's now down on the sideline.
I don't fault the guys for all those penalties. Some were just ridiculous. Others, well, we got lazy. They got all excited about the big win last week and didn't think that ECU could be a season spoiler. I just pray that now they keep this game in the back of their heads as a wake-up call. Plus, isn't it amazing that ECU managed to stay penalty-free all game? If there was one, I must have missed it in my misery. Those ref's were awful. They certainly appeared to have a bias. Beamer was going crazy on the sideline. He probably almost had a stroke, too.
Our defense is awesome, even though inexperienced. Fuller was amazing. Hosley was amazing. Bud Foster should run for President. He'd enact a lunch pail program in Congress. It would be kick-ass.
So now I'm concerned about our whole season. As I should be. We'll probably fall in the standings this week, as we should. To be a VT fan is to both love and hate yourself. Smiegel.... Smiegel...
Next week I'll be heading down to the game. White-out is stupid, but I'll participate. Just the thought of Enter Sandman is enough to get me through this week at work. I only get to go to three games this year, so they better make them decent. I wonder where Dave Ramsey would put season tickets in the Baby Steps? I'm sure they are in there somewhere.
My last thought for the day is this: Can we please get rid of the stupid VT with our fingers? Whenever they pan to the crowd, someone does it. We look like idiots. We have the VT bushes, we have the lunch pail, we have cows, we have Enter Sandman... we even have Beamerball. We don't need anything more than that. Please.
Go Hokies!
Seriously, though, that game was awful. The first quarter? Awful. The second quarter? Awful. At half-time I started to contemplate what type of alcohol I needed to start drinking. Thank God that Bud gave 'em hell in the locker room.
This is what I feel the conversation went with between the coaches in the locker room at half-time:
Stinespring: I don't know Frank, they must have a really good defense even though all our players are bigger than theirs.
Beamer: Where the hell has Wilson been?
Stinespring: We are trying to fake the defense out by not using him effectively. My plan is to let Thomas run every other play. The QB keeper! That's my big play for this game.
Beamer: What the hell have you been drinking at PK's? Let Wilson run the damn ball.
Logan Thomas didn't even want to be a QB. Stiney had to convince him. Don't get me wrong, he's huge. It's nice to have a QB that towers over everyone else. But this is no Vick or Taylor. Did you see how awkward he is when he runs? Maybe it's just that he's like a giraffe running out there, above all the zebras. I guess Stiney thinks that even if he just falls forward, he's good for two yards. I just hope Thomas wants to be a QB now. Because I don't want to sit through years and years of some guy that doesn't want to be there. And can we please not give him a complex, Stiney? Let him throw the ball in some other situation than third and long. Some of his throws looked horrible, but he's new. He is supposed to have awful throws. At least let him throw without pressure a couple times on first or second down. Give the boy a chance without making him think that you don't trust his ability to throw the ball. I know we are awesome at ruining QBs, but can we not ruin this one?
And I thought that this season was going to be spectacular, thanks to Stiney staying out of the booth. I think he's still calling all the shots, even though he's now down on the sideline.
I don't fault the guys for all those penalties. Some were just ridiculous. Others, well, we got lazy. They got all excited about the big win last week and didn't think that ECU could be a season spoiler. I just pray that now they keep this game in the back of their heads as a wake-up call. Plus, isn't it amazing that ECU managed to stay penalty-free all game? If there was one, I must have missed it in my misery. Those ref's were awful. They certainly appeared to have a bias. Beamer was going crazy on the sideline. He probably almost had a stroke, too.
Our defense is awesome, even though inexperienced. Fuller was amazing. Hosley was amazing. Bud Foster should run for President. He'd enact a lunch pail program in Congress. It would be kick-ass.
So now I'm concerned about our whole season. As I should be. We'll probably fall in the standings this week, as we should. To be a VT fan is to both love and hate yourself. Smiegel.... Smiegel...
Next week I'll be heading down to the game. White-out is stupid, but I'll participate. Just the thought of Enter Sandman is enough to get me through this week at work. I only get to go to three games this year, so they better make them decent. I wonder where Dave Ramsey would put season tickets in the Baby Steps? I'm sure they are in there somewhere.
My last thought for the day is this: Can we please get rid of the stupid VT with our fingers? Whenever they pan to the crowd, someone does it. We look like idiots. We have the VT bushes, we have the lunch pail, we have cows, we have Enter Sandman... we even have Beamerball. We don't need anything more than that. Please.
Go Hokies!
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