Thursday, September 22, 2011

Hokies vs. the Buffalo Beanie Baby

Dear Marco, the Bison/Buffalo:

I cannot say that I fully understand you.  Your school mascot is "The Thundering Herd", which I assume means a herd of bison or buffalo, based on your existance.  Your name is Marco, Marshall College.  I get it.  But really?  Isn't that a little silly?  You are a full-fledged university now, man!  Stand up for yourself.  You should now be Marun, or Marshy, or how about Marshall?  I don't know.  I come from a school where we made up the mascot's name, quite like yours, but I somehow still feel like yours is inferior.  I don't know, buddy.  And, the whole buffalo costume kinda reminds me of a beanie baby.  In fact, you could be named "Roam", after the beanie baby.  Oh give me a home, where the buffalo roam...  It's ok.  I have the turkey beanie baby.  Anywho, just wanted to say hey and sorry for the beat-down you are going to receive on Saturday.  What's the difference between a bison and a buffalo, anyway?  You ponder that one for me, and let me know.

Love,
The B.S.C.

We lead the series with The Herd 8-2.  Our only two losses came to us at the ONLY two Huntington games.  That, my friends, should scare the crap out of you.  Now, granted, these games took place in 1939 and in 1940.  But you know us.  Remember that first scoring drive from Arkansas State last week?  Remember how you felt?  This is how this game could feel.  We haven't made this trip since 1940.  This is scary.

During our last meeting in 2009, we won 52-10.  Then freshman, David Wilson, had 165 yards with a TD. 

Who is leading The Herd in Huntington?  None other than the man himself, Doc Holliday.  No, not that Doc Holliday.  He isn't a gun slinging outlaw from the Old West.  He probably doesn't say awesome things, like, "I'm your huckleberry," and "You're a daisy if you do."  But, he's trying his best as a new, second-year coach, to be like his alma-mater: WVU.  If he was the real Doc Holliday, I might consider cheering for a new school, but since he isn't, here's why I feel bad for him:

1. He isn't the real Doc Holliday.
2. The Herd had 6 turnovers last week against Ohio University.
3. They have had 26 penalties this season, resulting in 197 yards.  That is an average of 65.7 yards per game.
4. They have no rushing touchdowns so far this year.
5. Kicker Tyler Warner is their #2 scorer, with 14 points so far this year.
6. He graduated from WVU twice, once with a bachelors and once with a masters.
7. Marco, the Bison
8. Huntington, WV
9. "The Thundering Herd"
10. Conference USA

Tron Martinez averages 6 yards per carry, and has 217 yards so far this year.  He also averages 12.7 yards per game in receiving yards.  Travon Van is the other back, with 99 yards so far this year, averaging 2.7 yards per carry, and, like his counterpart, averages 12.7 receiving yards per game.

QB Rakeem Cato has 506 yards, 4 TDs, and averages 168.7 yards per game.  Not too shabby.  Their leading receivers, Aaron Dobson and Antavious Wilson, average 47.3 and 31.3 yards per game, respectively.

That's pretty much it.  They rely on their mediocre offense to move the ball, and according to Holliday's press conference, all he can think of is Bud Foster's defense making his life miserable on Saturday.  He is probably having nightmares.  I would.  He also thinks that Logan Thomas is 6'7".  Every time he referred to Thomas in the press conference, the Giraffe grew an inch. 

Stiney can probably do just about anything and win this game, but I am always amazed at how resourceful his ineptness is.  So, I'm not going to hold my breath.  I'm not driving to Huntington, because, I've been told it is a "crap hole".  And well, The B.S.C. is not fond of crap-holes.  This game scares me, as it should scare you.  This is a huge game for the Thundering Bison.  It's televised.  It's at home.  We're ranked.  Does this smell scary?  Could Stiney ruin us?  Yes and yes.  But, we always have Bud.  In Bud I trust.

Per the Tombstone theme this week, let's part with this mental image of Bud Foster yelling, "You tell 'em I'm coming... and hell's coming with me, you hear?  Hell's coming with me!"

You called down the thunder and now you've got it!

Give 'em hell, Bud.

Very cosmopolitan.

Say when.

-The B.S.C.

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