Read for Immediate Headache

Just in case you had better things to do on Saturday, I have transcribed my game notes here for you.  I hope you had better things to do.  I wish I had better things to do.

1st Series: Hello, Defense?  Where are you?  The Couch-burners Jr. made that look easy.
Our 1st Drive - The Giraffe decides to throw to Marcus Davis, who is surrounded by 4 defenders.  Bad, bad decision.
Our 2nd Drive - Oh Offense, where are YOU?  What the heck is the offensive line doing?  There are 3-4 guys on top of the Giraffe on every play.
Can we even attempt to stop their running game?
So, now the Couch-burners Jr. have their first turnover, first lead, and longest pass of the season.  14-0.  We have the goose egg.
The worldwide loser of sports announcer states a novel idea: The Giraffe needs to be a factor in the game.  Wow, ESPN.  You all really need to be paying that guy bonus money for that thought.
[Note to self: start tracking how many time they mention the Giraffe's height or weight.]
The Giraffe throws his second INT.  WHO was that to???
Our guys manage to lose a helmet on two consecutive drives.  This game is cursed.
Turnover #3.  The Couch-burners Jr. get the ball back.  21-0.  13:03 left in the 2nd quarter.
And finally, we get a field goal.  I will attempt to control my excitement.
James Gayle is a beast.  The Couch-burners Jr. are forced to punt at the 15-yard line.
The Giraffe takes half of the Defensive-line with him for an 11-yard gain.  If I wasn't so angry at the INT's, I'd give him props.
Oh wait, 3rd INT.
Kick is no good.  Half-time.  Thank God.  Give 'em hell, Bud!
94-yard punt return for a TD by Jarrett.  The longest punt return for a TD in Beamer's career.  Wow, maybe we can get back into this game.  Vandyke, #37, took out 2 defenders with an awesome block.  We might be ready to play now.
Good news - our Defense has shown up.
The Giraffe just fell on Wang and hurt him.  A loser in sports called the Giraffe "PLUS SIZE".  Seriously?  I mean, seriously?
4th down and a half yard - why give it to Holmes?  Asinine.
Horrible penalty called on Bruuuuuuuuuuuuuuce Taylor for tackling Tino.  Idiot call.
G-Dub forces a fumble, but the Couch-burners Jr. recover it.  Figures.
TD, Couch-burners Jr.
85-yard pass to Marcus Davis.  TD Hokies.  28-17.
4th Quarter
INT Exum!  Tino is now hurt.
Rushel Shell is a beast.  He is killing our Defense.
Bonner, #8, is having a horrendous game.
The Couch-burners Jr. go for it on 4th and 3, complete a pass with an injured QB, and get a 1st down.
Offsides penalty on Field Goal.  Wonderful.  Now it's first and goal at the 4 and 1/2 yard line.  TD Couch-burners Jr.
17-35
1st Couch-burner Jr. win of the season.  They have beat us now 4 times in a row.
The End.

It was painful and nauseating, AND embarrassing, and everything in between.  This game was supposed to be rainbows and butterflies, but for some reason we decided not to show up, on either side of the ball.  Bud let me down.  By half-time he should have had a strategy to stop their running game - and he didn't.  Stiney let me down, like always.  But, you know, I'm sure even HE didn't think that the Giraffe would have so many interceptions.

The Giraffe was a Plus Size failure.  What is wrong with him?  He is playing with ZERO confidence.  We could lose a lot of games, my friends.  A lot.

So many things went horribly wrong that I can't even begin to discuss them in a civilized fashion.  At least we had the trifecta of losing this weekend by adding in the Nats and the Redskins.  And yes, Josh Morgan probably lost the game for the Redskins with that stupid stunt.  But I can't blame him.  The Rams were getting away with all sorts of trash, and when the guy pushed him, it was the last straw.  Man, the officiating was horrible in that game!

USC lost to Stanford.  And, oh yeah, we have officially dropped from the rankings.  We deserve it.

In a way, I'm almost glad.  Our horrendous loss of the season is over.  Maybe we can look decent for the rest of the season now.  For some reason, we seem to need something like this every season to kick our butt in gear.

So, that's it for my rant today.  What else can be said?

Love trying to avoid my coworkers (not really),
The B.S.C.

P.S. I counted 8 mentions of the Giraffe's height and/or weight once I started to count.  It's like David Wilson's car all over again.