Oh my, oh my, boys and girls! We are back for yet another season of the roller coaster that IS Hokie football. I'm not talking about The Intimidator at Kings Dominion, where you pass out at the bottom of the big drop for half a second (which, you know, is not really cool, if you think about it). I'm talking about something similar to The Grizzly... we kinda know what to expect - the ups, the downs, the headaches. But will the coaster break? Maybe one day. Do we want to be on it when it does? Nope. And thus you know my feelings for the season this year. BUT, don't think I'm all negative nancy on the season. I'm not. I am actually that really annoying friend who thinks that every year is THE YEAR we're going to fill that case with a National Championship trophy. But hey, I have to prepare myself for the worst while secretly hoping for the best. Even the national champion could lose a game.
Let's not waste too much time speaking of my bi-polar-ness with this upcoming season.
Let's watch this:
I picked this video for multiple reasons:
1. Thank God that we aren't playing a top 10 school to start the season. I know that this really must have brought pain to Weaver because we all know his evil plan to ruin our season (and thus, tailgating) within the very first game.
2. Thank God we don't have this ugly uniform to look forward to.
3. I miss Tyrod. Do you miss Tyrod?
4. Losing the first game of the season sucks.
Here's the reality of this game: the winner will most likely go on to represent the Coastal Division at the ACC Championship game. What, or WHO, is important for us?
Yep, that man. Or boy. Man. Boy. Man-boy. I am really getting old. The success of our entire season rides on The Giraffe. Is he going to be The Second-half Giraffe this year? I hope not. I hope by next column I can call him LT, not only because it sounds like a hip-hop artist, but because he earned it. I know I said it before, but I'm going to say it again - Stop hating on the man-boy. Hate on Stiney. Stiney is the enemy.
The only other scary thing this season for me is the fact that we only have 4 seniors on our Defensive roster. Wow. I will toast one to that before the game tomorrow. Don't be concerned about our RB status. Yes, we killed the Gahs last year because David Wilson was a BEAST and ruined them, but we are never a RB school. I mean, yes, in the past few years Stiney has somehow managed to make us look like we can actually recruit for that position. But, let's face it: VT is all about the D. And I love it. Look for Michael Holmes to start for us at RB, with possible sightings of JC Coleman and Martin Scales. Tony Gregory is returning from a second surgery to repair an ACL injury, so ignore him... for now.
Mr. Coale and Mr. Boykin, though sadly missed, will be replaced by Dyrell Roberts, DJ Coles, Marcus Davis and Corey Fuller. No problems in that area. I promise.
And - maybe the coolest thing about this season - BRUUUUUUUUUUCE Smith, the original BRUUUUUUUUUUCE, has a son playing for us: Alston Smith. He's a freshman. Not sure if we'll see him this season or not, but that's pretty darn neat.
Dear BRUUUUUUUUUUCE,
I am super-excited that your son will be putting on a Hokie jersey this year. I am sure you are ecstatic as well. But, as a man who heard his name yelled by adoring fans throughout his career, why give your son a name like "Alston"? This is a little mean. I can't yell "ALLLLLLLLLL-STONNNNNNNNNNNNN". It simply doesn't roll off the tongue. I hope you just lost out on the naming to your wife, who probably didn't want your son to grow up and play football. If this was your idea, then... well, I might weep a little tonight.
Wondering why your kid has such a UVA name,
The B.S.C.
ALERT: The worldwide loser in sports will be broadcasting this fine Monday night game. Look for the Gah's signature "Jazz hands" on third downs.
Speaking of jazz hands...
Clap burst. Enough said.
We come into this game leading the Gahs 6-3. We are ranked 16 (nice and cozy), while the Gahs are not ranked. Period. Let's not forget the importance of winning against the Gahs, though. We should be able to crush them and their I-don't-know-what-play-to-call-but-we're-gonna-call-it-the-option-and-ESPN-will-think-it's-cool offense. I know we only have 4 seniors on D, but really, we have Bud. Give 'em hell, Bud!
Ahh... I was so nice to say that.
The importance of beating this nasty-a$$ Atlanta team is all because of the man, the myth... the legend:
Dear Al,
Oh, Al, I've missed you! What's that, Al? You're telling your players to use jazz hands only when appropriate? That is some good coaching down there in Atlanta, Al! I am so excited to see you in person tomorrow night! Please wear a sweatshirt! The forecast calls for 69 and t-storms, so you will need it, Al. And, you know, if it's not tucked in, it just isn't presentable. Just keep that in mind.
Love your sense of sideline style,
The B.S.C.
If The Giraffe can make Al look stupid, he will earn his hip-hop name. That can't be all that hard. I mean, come on... it just CANNOT be hard.
I've made fun of the Old Gold before. I've made fun of the Ramblin' Wreck and Buzz...I won't submit you to hearing about those again. Unless you want to, and in that case, read this and this. But really, what kind of school talks about tailgate parties for away games, and leaves us out? Clemson and MD? That's it? I understand Clemson, but the land of the ugly flag? What gives?
Our only concern is that QB Tevin Washington is pretty solid, and well, we're only returning 4 seniors on D (did I mention that already?). Bud. Bud. Bud. Bud. Bud. Bud.
Whew! I can go off on so many tangents for game one that it's exhausting. So yeah, I'm excited. Do I have to pay someone to watch my kids for 24 hours so that they can get to school on Tuesday? Absolutely. Do I have to stay in Roanoke because I never book early enough? Absolutely? Will Heaven probably open up and produce Lee Corso-style torrential rain? Most likely. Will the trip down 81 be worth it? Yes. Yes indeed.
Exit 118B,
I have missed you, old friend. Are you lonely in the off-season? I'm sorry about that. Look for my Hokie tags tomorrow, and know that I'm glad to see you, too. You are the best exit ever. Please don't get more complicated. I worry every year that you won't be the same and I won't be able to find Blacksburg. Please, please... stay just as you are.
Smooches,
The B.S.C.
I will leave you with this: Weaver wasn't completely silent when it comes to the season-opener. Orange effect. Seriously??? Orange effect on the first flippin' game of the season? I don't have an orange shirt to wear, so shove it, Weaver. I'm wearing our good color. Now, if I happen to find a decent burnt orange t-shirt somewhere downtown, I might be inclined to buy it. So is he an evil genius? Maybe. Blasted orange.
Enjoy your tailgate, my friends. I will enjoy mine. 8:00 games are what Lane Stadium is all about.
Love hideous hoodies,
The B.S.C.
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